Tonight is Hunter Pence Bobblehead Night (!!!)

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COME OUT TONIGHT TO CELEBRATE YOUR FAVORITE PLAYER AND ONE OF THE NEW FACES OF THE FRANCHISE! ALL FANS WILL RECEIVE A HUNTER PENCE BOBBLEHEAD, WHICH PAYS HOMAGE TO THE QUIRKY RIGHT FIELDER, WHO WE ALL LOVE SO MUCH.

LET’S GO EAT, YOU SAY? YES, LET’S. THE SPECIAL FOR THE EVENING IS ONE BOBBLING PENCE, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIFORM, WITH HIS TRADEMARKED HIGH LEG KICK.

AND DON’T WORRY, UNLIKE THAT OSWALT BOBBLEHEAD YOU HAVE, THE PENCE BOBBLEHEAD WON’T BE GOING OUT OF STYLE ANYTIME SOON. HE’S UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE PHILLIES THROUGH THE END OF NEXT SEASON. HE’S ONLY 29, IN THE PRIME OF HIS CAREER AND, ALONG WITH RYAN HOWARD, IS ONE OF ONLY TWO PLAYERS THE PHILLIES CAN COUNT ON NEXT SEASON TO HIT 20 HOME RUNS AND DRIVE IN AT LEAST 90 RUNS. SO COME ON OUT TO CITIZENS BANK PARK TO GET YOUR HUNTER PENCE BOBBLEHEAD AT THE 265TH CONSECUTIVE SELLOUT AS THE PHILS GO FOR A SIXTH STRAIGHT DIVISION CROWN! WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBEMEN! 

Never mind. The Phils had this planned for months and got permission from Pence to hand out his bobblehead even though he’s, you know, a Giant. Still, I’m sure a few folks will gleefully accept their collector’s item. But someone should tell this kid his shipment isn’t coming:

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Poor guy.

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11 Responses

  1. Recommendation for Kyle: Come up with your own, fresh schtick. If I wanted to read strikethrough, I’d go to Grantland and Bill Simmons.

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