When Lies Collide: Paul Holmgren and Ruben Amaro Hung Out Last Night

Screen Shot 2012-08-08 at 9.20.14 AMPic via (@getzy89)

As first pointed out by Phillies beat writer Kevin Cooney, Paul Holmgren was in attendance at last night’s Phillies game (oh hey look– a win!), apparently as a special guest of one Mr. Ruben Amaro Jr. I can only assume that their encounter mirrored the interplay between two alpha male coyotes trying to establish dominance over each other in the wild.

“How are things, Paul?”

“Great. Really strengthened the team at the blue line. Looks like we’re the early winner of last summer’s blockbuster trades, too. You?”

“Not bad. Sellout streak is at 258 games, Chase has never looked better, Doc is his usual self, and we’re thinking about extending Victorino– the fans really love the Flyin’ Hawaiian. And that Cliff Lee contract looks like a real bargain.”

“Yeah, that’s how I feel about Bryz. Only 62 years and $51 million?! That's an AAV of, like, $20,000 or something. Other teams are envious of that one.”

“Just like our deal with Howard.”

“Really??”

“No.”

“Yeah, I was gon…”

“We just re-signed Hamels. $144 million. That’s six zeros, Paul. Six. One four four six zeros.”

“We got Weber.”

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12 Responses

  1. AMARO: Seriously Homer, what is that fuckin smell. It’s the third time that stench has surfaced.
    GUY IN RED SHIRT: Shit, I’m busted. Damn this free food in the press box. It gets me every time.

  2. Homer: Rube, you really shit the bed this year.
    Ruben: Not as much as you will this year, way to strike out on every FA in the league, buddy.
    Homer: You know what, fuck you and fuck this baseball game. Boring as shit anyway
    Ruben: F off.

  3. Homer- “Rube, lets go score some blow over at xfinity live”
    Rube- “uhhh…geee paul, i don’t know…”
    Homer- ” Fuck yourself pussy, i’m going to be doing key bumps while i get blown on that mechanical bull. loser…”

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