Bird Droppings: All Kinds of Shit

Speaking of droppings, I just cleaned Honey’s (our recently adopted one-year-old Lab-Whippet mix) shit for the first time… and I’m still throwing up in my mouth. There has to be a better way. We’ve figured out how to do everything in our society. Hurl over an ocean at 550 mph to reach foreign lands? Done. Stream images, audio and text wirelessly to little handheld devices? Not a problem. Turn beer into a shitty faux margarita. Of course. 

But the one thing we’ve ignored, for like thousands of years, is the manner in which we clean up our dogs’ shits. Oh, have a fucking robot vehicle with four badass wheels gently parachute down onto fucking Mars and then take hot self-pics as it rolls around another planet just grabbing shit and analyzing it for humans millions of miles away? Absolutely! But no, sorry, you still have to clean up disgusting dog feces with a plastic bag or a half-assed shovel-looking scooper that, apparently, NEVER GRABS THE ENTIRE POOP (!!!).

I’m pretty split down the middle politically, and so I’m still a coveted swing voter. I’m saying it now that I’ll vote for whichever candidate or his VP offers up a solution to fix dog shit cleanup. Taxes, social security, Medicare. Do whatever. Just give me a something so I never, never have to go what I just went through again. 

Let’s get to the droppings of an Avian variety. Because Bird is the word today.

 

King Dumblap

First, let’s talk about this play from King Dunlap and his complete failure to pickup the obvious block, which resulted in a fumble. Look:

Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 11.40.10 AM
Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 11.40.10 AM
Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 11.40.10 AM 

Aaaawhatareyoudoing?

It’s like those AI glitches in Madden when a blocker passes up on the most obvious target because he’s programmed to seek someone lined up in the secondary… or, in Dumblap’s case, the guy eating a cheesesteak in the first row. Thankfully, his slow and cumbersomeness saved the Eagles, as he was able to toe-tap Ray Lewis, who picked up the loose ball, before Michael Vick delivered a choke slam to his criminal buddy. [I don’t even write that to be snarky… that’s honestly the first descriptor that came to mind for Lewis' relation to Vick. The NFL!]

 

I goofed

Because the Eagles won, no one, except for maybe Lemony Snicket, is going to talk about this series of unfortunate events:

Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 12.36.24 PM

For whatever unexplainable reason, Andy Reid didn’t declined a penalty that would have forced a field goal for the Ravens. Instead, they were given a third-and-18 – a do-over, if you will - and, thanks to two penalties on that play – one by Nnamdi Asomugha and one by Jason Babin – the Ravens got a first down at the Philadelphia 15. The drive eventually resulted in a field goal, but these are the sorts of boneheaded things that Andy Reid still does.

 

Hughe Sacks

Later in the drive, it was DeMeco Ryans whose HUGE sack forced that field goal. Hugh Douglas, I think, tweeted about the play:

Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 12.38.45 PM

That’s what she said.

 

Vick

What an enigma (don’t worry, uneducated folks, das not racist). Between the first quarter interception, his stubborness to turn every play into a highlight, and the beating he takes, it’s amazing that Vick is the quarterback of a 2-0 team right now. Actually, it's amazing he's still assembled. He’s like the anti-Donovan McNabb. He takes credit and blame, sucks for much of the game, but then – perhaps because of his cockiness and massive stones – leads the team on fourth quarter comebacks. I still feel exactlythe same way I felt about Vick last week (he’s going to get hurt and, if not, the Eagles still won’t win a Super Bowl with him), but he successfully shut up me and most pundits for the rest of the week.


Nnamdi… nnama… nngonnacoveryou

He blows. I’m sorry, I don’t watch many Raiders games. But all I heard about Nnamdi when he came to the Eagles was about he was maybe the best man corner in the league. Yet, what we continue to see is him getting torched by guys like Jacoby Jones. Then there was the afeormentioned assault illegal contact penalty that nearly cost the Eagles. And then there was the negated Ravens touchdown (albeit thanks to offensive pass interference). Perhaps we just notice it more when it’s a guy you expect a ton from, but I’m not sure the term shutdown corner should be used for Asomugha.

 

Fred Ex


Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 12.39.27 PM
Pic via (@jeremykusnir)

Fred Ex was tailgating pre-game in the parking lot. Nice to see he’s making something of his life.

 

Fucking Yinzers

Something that has nothing to do with the Eagles– the most pathetic Steelers tattoo you will ever see:

Screen Shot 2012-09-17 at 12.40.29 PM
via (@Jennyd72) 

Fucking Yinzers, man. 

 

Yums

Finally, Eagles cheerleaders dancing after the game-winning touchdown.


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31 Responses

  1. shut up harry … we know your fappin to the pic of Fred Ex right now
    NO LOVE,
    The Great Beez Nutz

  2. Gotta let the turds firm up for about 30 minutes then they pick up easy. Its like resting your meat before you slice it.

  3. Cleaning up dog shit sucks. What sucks more are the miserable fucks who tell you to clean up after your dog if they catch your dog shitting and you dont clean it up. As for vick, everybody with a half a birdbrain knows that he will get hurt. Just a matter of when he goes down. I never seen an eagles qb take a beating the way he does. If some miracle does happen and he does not get serioussly hurt and the birds go “far” then what a story it will be.

  4. NA blows because the Wr pushed off and got called for a penalty?
    Pretty nice pass by Flacco beating the blitz on the TD, if you ask me.

  5. That offensive PI call was legit, and the Ravens (not taht this gives Nnamdi a break) WRs were doing that all day, they only got away with it because Flacco was sailing uncatchable balls over their heads left and right.

  6. Kyle save your Wawa bags or Acme bags and do the ” inside out” pick up with the bags.
    scoopers dont work cause turds roll.
    welcome to the domestic world.
    dog shit and putting the toilet seat down.
    It’s a three ring circus….the engagement ring…the wedding ring….then the suffering

  7. dunlapp is a sorry sack of shit. hope they see he cant play and let karl malone jr handle the let tackle spot for the rest of the season. maybe it is just my imagination but the line got better when he went down.
    i mean the only thing he hasnt done is the worm when he is laying on the ground from all the missed blocks.

  8. so wait, am I reading this properly. There is a complaint about pushing the ravens back from the 21, to the 31 ? instead of declining and making them kick a FG?
    They ended up kicking a FG from the 33? which is 12 yards further back than the 21… what is bonehead about that ?

  9. @what that?
    The Great Deez Nutz and I were having a nice conversation here … no need to be an ignorant dick and post around us.
    NO LOVE,
    The Real Beez Nutz

  10. Unreal. Nnamdi gives up one or two catches the entire game and everyone shits all over him. “Shutdown corner” doesn’t mean that he literally doesn’t allow a single completion all season. If you watch that Jacoby Jones TD play, the Eagles only had one deep safety in the middle of the field and he shades towards his right to help DRC with Torrey Smith. The idea of having one safety forward is to rush the quarterback and force him into throwing before he’s supossed to and before the route can fully develop. The pass rush didn’t get there and Jacoby Jones was given all kinds of time to make a double move and Flacco could stand in there and make a planted throw without a hand in his face. The play didn’t work as designed for the Eagles, yet people are all up in arms about how much Nnamdi sucks. Football is a team game and CBs shouldn’t be expected to account for covering double move routes for that long of a time. There’s supposed to be safety help or a better pass rush. Darelle Revis gives up touchdowns too.

  11. @what’s that, the point is that the eagles defense had forced the ravens to kick a field goal but instead took a penalty and gave them an extra chance to repeat third down. They actually got a first down (thanks to two eagles penalties) and has new life to try and score a TD. Flacco happened to get sacked for a huge loss on third down which made the field goal attempt longer. Still though, it was an unnecessary risk. Why give a team new life when you’ve already accomplished the goal of holding them to a FG? The odds of knocking them out of range weren’t that high. Just because accepting the penalty eventually resulted in the same outcome as declining it (a ravens FG attempt) doesn’t mean it was a good idea.

  12. Stop being a pussy and pick up the shit. Its not touching you cause you have a bag on your hand. Isnt it ironic that we are talking about dogs and vick at the same

  13. Vick still looked awful, he racked up big passing numbers but also had 2 easy interceptions dropped, plus the pass to a wide open maclin in the endzone was made much more difficult than it should have been. Reid also still coached like a moron.

  14. “He blows.”
    You are an idiot. Every CB that has EVER strapped on the helmet has given up catches and yards and tds. He may not be perfect, but he is far better then most of the CBs in the league right now.
    Thanks for perpetuating the stereotype of an Eagles fan who doesn’t know what he is talking about. The rest of us are very appreciative.
    PS – That is some Philly.com shit, you used to be better than this.

  15. Tom Brady throws picks.
    Steve Young got benched vs Eagles.
    It’s Bizzaro Sunday NFL Football
    anything can happen…with or without the refs.

  16. How about that dumb ass with the stupid looking mustache on his face calling for a pass play on 2nd and 1 at the goal line when you need a TD to stay in the game. 2nd and 1! Pick, errr I mean Vick was lucky to get the ball out of his hand before eating turf for the 50th time in 2 weeks. Don’t let him off the hook that easy Kyle! Mommy needs her bunions massaged so get up here now!
    PS, bring me my gin on your way up.

  17. Anyone noticed how crappy Peyton Manning looked last night, what with three interceptions he threw against Atlanta? I’m sure Denver fans aren’t calling for his head this morning. Vick is what he is, and, good or bad, nothing is going to change.

  18. Hey Slamming Gretzkey’s Browneye … Nnamdi is all hype. His status as a player was elevated because he played on a bad team and he talks white. He consistantly gets beat by B-level receivers (in this case a C-level in Jones). The guy isn’t a winner and can’t be counted on when the game is on the line. Asante > Nnamdi.
    Hate it when guys who’ve only played video game football run their mouth.

  19. Here’s my question – the entry where the holding occurred (3rd & 8; Phi 21) ends with “no play”. Since when does offensive holding negate the play? False start, yes; holding, no. Is it because it was declined? If so, why doesn’t it say “declined” like the next line for Babin’s penalty. Just curious if this was a replacement ref f-up in negating the play.

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