Morning Wood: Dognabbit!

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I told you. I told you about this Astros series. It’s happened before– Phils play down-and-out team with nothing to lose in front of non-existent crowdOHMYGODTHISGUY:

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Look at him and his epic stache: perfect handlebar shape, 12-year growth, cowboy hat, pins(?), winglets for less drag and increased fuel efficiency… oh yeah, that guy voted for Bush.

Of course, it was only a few minutes after the broadcast showed him and Chris Wheeler dissected his appearance when a bunch of guys I never heard of took the lead against Phillippe Aumont, Jake Diekman, Erik Kratz, and Nate Schierholtz, who played crucial roles in the eighth inning as the Phillies continued their search for the #FifthandFinal Wild Card spot. Something looks wrong about that last sentence, but it’s quite accurate. The Astros won, and I’m blaming that Yosemite Sam-looking motherfucker.

Others: The Cardinals won. The Dodgers lost (to the Cardinals). The Wild Card standings look like this:

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Here are some random links as me, my fever, and our newly adopted one-year-old Lab-Whippet mix (who Ms. CB and I are trying out for the weekend) get things started this morning. NO, YOU CAN’T CHEW MY ARM RIGHT NOW. I’M BLOG…. 


… make that one link, before I get eaten: KATE MIDDLETON TOPLESS. Let me reword that: KATE MIDDLETON TOPLESS. Actually, I didn’t reword that at all, I just wanted to say it again, to make sure it’s still true. The Royal Family has another nude scandal with KATE MIDDLETON TOPLESS. Morning Wood indeed. NO, DOG, DON’T BITE THAT! 

Btw– you better appreciate the way that Yosemite Sam, mustache guy, dagnabbit pun, Wood, new dog, and Kate Middleton thing came together. That shit takes talent.


19 Responses

  1. And again Charlie refuses to use Papelbon with game on the line. Stupid save stat screws Phillies again. The SAVE needed to come in the EIGHTH inning, with 2 on and 2 out. But instead he brings in f-ing Jake Diekman

  2. Can you go back to not caring about the Phillies? They were on a 7 game streak, then you bring back your homoerotic Morning Wood column, and BOOM they lose to the friggin Astros. Talk about how much you hate Reid or Bryce Harper or other TMZ style posts, but PLEASE, PLEASE on behalf of the Phillies fans that have been holding on to hope don’t do this column until this season is over. Bad juju. Thanks. Love this site otherwise.

  3. Let’s not ignore the fact that the Phils stranded eleven runners on base, seven in scoring position. If the hitters hadn’t gone to sleep and done their job, Diekman would never had been put into the position of being the goat. Last night’s loss was a TEAM effort, plain and simple.

  4. ThePhillyFlash hit the nail on the head. Chase came up small twice with a chance to do some damage, Rollins was non-existent, and Howard continues to be predictable against lefties.

  5. Those aren’t pins….it’s Flair! And it looks like he’s got about 15 pcs of Flair which should not be sufficient to work at Chotchkie’s. Haha

  6. Labs are great dogs. Whippets are high strung. Linda Lovelace did dog porn. Is this a Phillies “too little too late” thread or “Turner & Hootch Weekend at Kyles” ?
    either way its good reading.
    Roy Halladay dissed my daughter at Putt Putt. fuck him.

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