Your Monday Morning Roundup: The Greatest Trick The Phillies Ever Pulled Edition

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We'll get to the Phils in a minute, but how are we feeling about that Eagles mess?

Positives: The Eagles won a game on the road in the NFL. LeSean McCoy. Michael Vick isn’t on crutches. DeMeco Ryans. Jason Avant’s sure hands. Allstate. Juan Castillo’s shocking ability to baffle an NFL offense.

Negatives: The Eagles barely beat the Browns and Brandon Weeden is what the Spanish call El Terrible. Michael Vick still makes silly mistakes despite having been in the league for a decade (more on that later). DeSean Jackson. Alex Henery. Playcalling. Michael Vick still makes silly mistakes. King Dunlap. Michael Vick’s mistakes. King Dunlap. The mistakes made by Michael Vick. King Dunlap.

Other items of note:

– I’m not sure how I feel about the new FOX score bug. It’s subtle, which is a nice touch for FOX, but it feels like one of those generic graphics you see in a sports video game that doesn’t have a license to use team names. The football team from Philadelphia takes on the Cleveland Dog Pound. QB 7 will look to have a big day against the oft-maligned Cleveland secondary. 

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I don’t know, maybe I think too much about these things. 

– King Dunlap is awful. He settled down (a bit) as the game went on, but his footwork is atrocious. He’s the quintessential slow, no-skill offensive linemen. He has a job because he’s gigantic, not because he’s particularly good at anything. I’m not sure why this should surprise anyone, though– he’s been terrible for three seasons. Plugging him in Jason Peters’ spot nearly got Michael Vick killed in the first quarter yesterday. At what point is Andy Reid going to stop pretending this isn’t a major issue?

– FOX sent their G crew of Dick Stockton and Brian John Lynch yesterday. There was the awkward dead air during one booth shot, and LeSean Jackson, but what really bothered me was Stockton listing Vick as a two-sport athlete and saying he was a baseball player before being a football player, citing the fact that Vick was drafted in the 7,000th round by the Colorado Rockies. Facts: Vick stopped playing baseball in 8th grade and was drafted by the Rockies on a whim because he was really fast. Dave Winfield was drafted into the NHL despite having never played hockey. These things happen, yet if you watched yesterday’s broadcast, you came away thinking Vick was Prime Time light. He’s not. He’s a football player and always has been.

More on his struggles later.

I spent the past 10 minutes staring at the Wild Card standings and Phillies remaining schedule, and I feel like Agent Kujan after he figured out that Verbal was Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects. Total disbelief. The Phillies limped through most of the season yet somehow might be in this thing. I just dropped my coffee mug and the Phillies are walking briskly down Broad about to get in the car with Kobayashi. GET IN THE CAR, PHILLIES! GET IN THE CAR!!!

Reals: They are six games back of the second Wild Card with 22 games remaining. The problem is they have to jump over four teams to get it. They are tied with the Brewers– so that’s a wash. But then there are the Pirates, Dodgers and Cardinals ahead of them. BUT all three of those teams have losing records in their last 10 games, and the Phillies are 8-2 in that stretch. I refuse to get even a little bit excited until the Phils cut it to five or less… but crazier things have happened, and the next nine games are against the Marlins, Astros and Mets. At least two of those teams (Marlins and Astros) have long checked out on the 2012 season. OK, I have to stop. I won’t do this to you. I won’t. Not yet, at least.

Let's hit it.


But first, a word from our sponsors:

– Tomorrow night. 8 p.m. Drinker’s West (39th and Chestnut). Play in our NHL 12 tournament. Winner gets a copy of NHL 13. All you have to do to sign up is show up at Drinker’s before 8 p.m. 

Scott Hartnell will be signing autographs for a good cause on Saturday from 11:30 – 1 at King’s Caterers in Bristol. Details and tickets here.

– The Eagles are 1-0 and it’s the perfect time to check out Philly Phaithful’s new line of football gear for the 2012 season. Shop here.

– Want to go to this Sunday’s Eagles game? Get in for around $100 and sit in the first level for under $200. The best available secondary market seats are aggregated for your shopping pleasure on Crossing Broad Tickets.


The roundup:

– Brandon Weeden is terrible. For real, awful. He started off his day yesterday by getting caught under the American flag and ended it by throwing an interception.

– The Nationals made a decision they may regret for the next decade and shut Stephen Strasburg down this weekend. Deadspin did a nice job of breaking down the archaic thinking by the Nats.

– The Phillies called up Darin Ruf, who hit 38 home runs and had 104 RBIs with Reading this year. He may help the Phils off the bench over these final three weeks, but he won’t be eligible for the playoffs. Sorry, not doing that.

Jets and Bills fans brawled.

– The new Nike pants seem to be a bit too thin.

– The Jets have a wide receiver with parents named Henry and Karen Hill. That’s fun.

– Kanye West apparently used to watch Kim Kardashian’s sex tape while having sex with other women. Funny, that makes two of us.

I’M KIDDING… the dubbed moaning ruins the whole thing for me.

– Tim McManus writes about Nnamdi Asomugha's and DRC’s strong day.

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15 Responses

  1. Yo, Kyle! How about slinging some venom at Andy Reid after that miserable fat fuck ordered Mike Vick, rustier than a hoopty in a Passyunk Avenue scrapyard to chuck it up 60 fucking times yesterday! That was insane! I’m still pissed over that horrid playcalling! If this is what we’re gonna get out of Reid this season, then I can only hope and pray the Birds finish 8-8 and he finally gets that much needed boot in his chubby ass out the goddamn door from Jeff Lurie!
    Meanwhile, if the Phillies manage the impossible and win one of those wild card spots, they’ll replace Dracula and Jesus Christ when it comes to rising from the dead!

  2. King Dunlap shouldn’t be in the NFL. Couldn’t evern start in college.
    Dick Stockton was just as brutal as that sh*t game yesterday

  3. King Dunlap does one thing well and that is the obvious clubbing around the defensive end’s neck as a last resort to keep the defender from killing Vick

  4. Dave Winfield wasn’t drafted by a hockey team, he was drafted in baseball, basketball and football (even though he never played in college). Maybe you’re confusing him with the skinny white guy Tom Glavine who was drafted in both baseball and hockey.

  5. I’d like to know just how many songs DeMeco Ryans and Trent Richardson had to play on John Lynch’s rusty trombone to warrant the amount of praise they both received from that washed up fagbag yesterday.
    And Dick Stockton is fucking horrible. I hope he dies soon.

  6. Kyle, DeSean also broke up what would have been a game-ending INT. He was awesome yesterday despite the fact that Vick decided to target him just 6 times. out of 56. But thats another story.
    Stop hating on DeSean. He has his money now and he’s gonna be doing his thing again

  7. @RJD…. agree 100%
    Kyle, i feel you need to get off the band wagon and stay off the bandwagon for the rest of the season…. end of days? what a douche, no faith. Even if they come up short. End of days is far from happening

  8. King Dunlap really hasn’t been terrible the last three years. This was his first really bad day since his rookie year against Richard Seymour. Other than that and the last game, Dunlap hasn’t been spectacular, but he’s gotten the job done.

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