Signs of a Lockout: Claude Giroux and Danny Briere Met with the German Media Today, Their New Teammate Says They’re Better Than They are in Video Games

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This should hurt you.

Today Claude Giroux and his bromantastical buddy Danny Briere met with the German media in Berlin as they prepare for their first game in the Bundesliga, on Friday, with the Ice Bears. Roar! If G and Danny thought Tim Panaccio and his colleagues were tough, I can’t imagine what was going through their heads as reporters hurled questions at them in German. 

As you can see, Giroux looked anything but happy to be relegated to Germany and playing in a league he probably never heard of until last week. But Briere, who played in Switzerland during the last lockout, was much more verbose and genuinely seemed excited for the opportunity to play hockey overseas (and to use Giroux as his younger and better-looking sidekick to absolutely geslechtsverkehr broad-shouldered German beauties*).

They said that they researched leagues and talked to people before eventually coming to the conclusion that Germany would be the best fit. Briere mentioned how nice (and large) the team’s practice facility was, stopping just short of saying that it was better than the Flyers’ (really, he was this close to sticking that foot in his mouth). Giroux said that he watched video of the Ice Bears’ fans on YouTube (this one?) and thought they would be just as intense as Philly fans. Right. Sadly, G and Danny’s coach interrupted and answered in German before either could answer a question asking if they were going to live together in Germany.

But the best lines of the day didn't come from neither Giroux nor Briere. The pair’s new teammate, Daniel Weiss, said, “They’re better in real life than what they are in NHL 13 on PlayStation." And when the team's coach talked about Giroux's request to play on the power play: "We figured we might be able to find some place in there for him."

I call bullshit on that NHL 13 claim– G is an absolute force in the game and the beneficiary of the cover bump. That’s not to take anything away from him, but saying he’s better in real life would be like saying Milan Hejduk was every bit as good as late 1990s and early 2000s iterations of hockey video games made him out to be (he’s easily one of the all-time best video game athletes ever, but gets little credit for it).

Anyway, there you have it– Giroux and Briere, playing together for some bullshit German hockey team. Thanks, Gary Bettman, you absolute mismanaging sack of shit.

*I’ve been to five European countries: England, France, Italy, Germany and Switzerland. I can tell you that as someone who is 50% Italian and grew up mostly idolizing everything about the culture (food, language– not the fake tans and blowouts), I was extremely disappointed in the Italian women when I was there. And I was in Milan! Ditto for the Brits (oh God, ditto). But the German women were surprising attractive despite their strong jaws and Jessica Biel shoulders. So, if I had to rank: 1) French, 2) German, 3) Swiss (small sample size), 4) Italian, 9) English.

Video of their long press conference is after the jump.


16 Responses

  1. I hope the lockout never ends. F those greedy hockey players. Stay strong Mr. bettman!!

  2. Hey Penny how bout you get off your computer and clean your dirty pussy. I can smell that fishy smell from here

  3. This must be upsetting to the few thousand people in America who follow hockey.

  4. Brazil and Sweden cuz… and they exccel in all categories looks, attitude and availibility. By the way, nice trucker hats on these 2 dorks.

  5. I can see them needing a dick transplant when the lockout is done….. hope danny;s kid loses weight

  6. I have to agree with steve (sup bro!) when we were there the ladies seemed infinitely hotter than any women ive ever seen

  7. Assuming my translation is correct (no guarantees there, but I think I caught most of what was said), they have separate apartments with spare room(s) for visitors, especially Danny with his family. I could be wrong, but the coach did reference “both apartments.”
    Love the random English that makes its way into the coach’s German.
    And I don’t mind them playing in Germany. Yeah, the lockout sucks and all, and I’d rather they be playing here, but at least they’re not playing in Russia. Of course, it helps that I’m happy I’ll be able to see some of their games and I speak German well enough that I’ll be able to follow it (hopefully).

  8. Danny’s teenage kid, and my kid who is his classmate, read sports blogs. Some of you cats are proving just what a zero you are.

  9. Wow, what a charming conversationalist you are, Mike. Verpiss dich, auch, du stuck Scheisse.
    Look, I want NHL hockey as much as the next gal, but that isn’t happening anytime soon, and I’m happy to have *some* hockey to watch on occasion. And, honestly, why should I want to give money to the NHL (either by being a viewer or by buying tickets or whatever), when they’re just going to treat me like shit every few years, throwing a tantrum. Also, it’s not like I have a lot of hockey options here in Virginia (grad school – unfortunately the school with a hockey team didn’t have funding for me).

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