Video: Teddy Finally Wins Presidents Race with Help of God Awful Phanatic

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All 98 Nationals fans finally got to celebrate the victory they’ve waited years for: Teddy Roosevelt winning the Presidents Race.

After going 0-for-538 since the Nationals moved to Washington, Teddy finally beat his presidential peers today… with the help of a god awful fucking Phillie Phanatic fucking awful type of thing.

I don’t know if this was meant to be some sort of macabre symbolism from the Nats marketing folks (dying Phils make way for division title, Phanatic makes way for Teddy) or what, but I’m borderline angry about the Bronson Pinchot Phanatic, who had a hula hoop sewn into his jersey which swung provocatively above his black shorts and red tights.

And I’m not sure what was going on with the Phrenetic and the mysteriously sexy Lindsay-Lohan-meets-Emma-Stone girl, presumably a Nats marketing person, who opened the door for the needle-dicked race crasher, but she looked horrified… either by the lousy costume build or because she may have just gotten molested by Gumby’s unfortunate cousin behind the right field fence at Nationals Park.

Either way, Natitude abounds in the nation’s capital today, and, according to DC area reader (@PhillyTerp11), Nats announcer F.P. Santangelo pointed out that this was the loudest Nats Park has been all year. Or probably ever, for that matter.

October sucks.

Video after the jump.


29 Responses

  1. I wanna talk about the Phillies. I think what the Phillies need is right handed batters that can hit left handed pitching. Not only should they hit left handed pitching, they should hit left handed pitching for power, because we have left handed batters like Utley, Howard, Brown, Rollins, Galvis, etc that can’t hit left handed pitching, so I think we need right handed batters that can hit left handed pitching for power, we have none of those guys and Ruf is not the answer.

  2. I didn’t know they had blue in their uniforms for fans to wear….
    Oh wait those are seats… my bad

  3. Scott and Larry didn’t even suggest it may have been a phanatic rip-off. Franzke just kept saying it was some bizarro Gumby thing.

  4. I think “the Phanatic” won. and what an ovation from the… “thick crowd”?

  5. the loudest Nats Park has been all year? for a meaningless last game of the season? pathetic.

  6. Can we stop being such fucking cock suckers on this fucking site?
    I’m a big Phillies fan and we didn’t make it this year – obviously that sucks. The Nats actually made me laugh with the stupud phanatic parody and letting that ginger teddy finally win one. Kind of a funny way for them to celebrate finally making the playoffs.
    Sorry I’m not a cynical cock like you guys.

  7. The Nationals are a bunch of Fucktards son, that’s all, Fucktards. They can’t even celebrate winning the division without somehow dragging the Phillies into this. Fucktards.

  8. The fact that the Natinals stadium was the loudest it was all year for a mascot race and not for the team which won the division proves that DC fans are not as good as Philly fans

  9. Yeah, that creature does look like a mutant cucumber. Cheesy as all hell, but then, what else can we expect from those rocket scientists down in D.C. Well, that’s gNatitude for you.

  10. 81-81. You guys sound like our fan base did when we finished in the cellar and were forced to discuss irrelevant things because the team sucked. Why do you guys give a shit about this thing anyway? You’re not from here and you don’t get the humor this whole thing provided over the years when the Nationals were horrible. What you ought to give a shit about is your team is getting old, you have little in the farm system, and the Nationals and the Braves clearly jumped ahead of you talent-wise this season and are much younger than you. Enjoy the off-season and that Ryan Howard albatross of a contract.

  11. This is why the Phillies organization will always be classier than the Nats organization.
    We don’t take cheap shots.
    These fuckers take nothing but cheap shots.
    I do have to thank them, however. After being made to be so unwelcome at their ballpark earlier this season, I’ve made a conscientious effort at all twelve Phillies games I’ve been to this season to welcome any opposing fans I’ve happened to run into.

  12. I know why NatsNut is here, it’s because anybody who witnessed the cesspool of spray-tanned humanity at CBP South is loving every minute of this. About 75% of your fanbase will jump ship before they have to find out what a losing season feels like, so I want to see the meltdown before it happens.

  13. I guess the better analogy would be he makes Wheels look like LA but you get the point…FP sucks.

  14. LOL at the dildo mascot or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to be. That thing looks like desperation.

  15. Hahaha, That thing looks as dumb as the real one. I absolutely love the complete mockery of the Phils.
    The best though was your boy Rollins “if we were healthy they would be a second place team”…
    If we had over 100 years in the league we would have more than two titles!
    Philly fans provide the rest of the nation comic relief.

  16. Why don’t you win one title first before you start talking about 2. Your city couldn’t even hold a team for 100 years.

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