Ad Disclosure
Video: Teddy Finally Wins Presidents Race with Help of God Awful Phanatic
By Kyle Scott
Published:
All 98 Nationals fans finally got to celebrate the victory they’ve waited years for: Teddy Roosevelt winning the Presidents Race.
After going 0-for-538 since the Nationals moved to Washington, Teddy finally beat his presidential peers today… with the help of a god awful fucking Phillie Phanatic fucking awful type of thing.
I don’t know if this was meant to be some sort of macabre symbolism from the Nats marketing folks (dying Phils make way for division title, Phanatic makes way for Teddy) or what, but I’m borderline angry about the Bronson Pinchot Phanatic, who had a hula hoop sewn into his jersey which swung provocatively above his black shorts and red tights.
And I’m not sure what was going on with the Phrenetic and the mysteriously sexy Lindsay-Lohan-meets-Emma-Stone girl, presumably a Nats marketing person, who opened the door for the needle-dicked race crasher, but she looked horrified… either by the lousy costume build or because she may have just gotten molested by Gumby’s unfortunate cousin behind the right field fence at Nationals Park.
Either way, Natitude abounds in the nation’s capital today, and, according to DC area reader (@PhillyTerp11), Nats announcer F.P. Santangelo pointed out that this was the loudest Nats Park has been all year. Or probably ever, for that matter.
October sucks.
Video after the jump.
Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.