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Daily News pseudo Phillies beat writer David Murphy, whose understanding of the Internet apparently consists of boobs, beer and SEO (which is actually, like, a real, useful thing that perhaps Murphy’s employer,, would have been wise to implement back in, say, 2005, when the company viewed direct mail* as its biggest threat in a rapidly changing media landscape), wrote a very meta blog post which threw some much-needed cold water on a WIP report that the Phillies were aggressively pursuing Giancarlo Stanton. [They’re not, really. Likely just did some due diligence, since, from afar, it appears that the Marlins would sell their pitcher's mound if it saved them a few bucks.]

Besides pointing out the obvious – that the chances of Stanton becoming a Phillie, or going anywhere right now, are slim to none – Murphy managed to once again sound like a self-absorbed d-bag who has no idea how that fancy new medium the kids use works. Go ahead, Cheeser:

At first, I was going to take a principled stand and refuse to write a blog post. But by the time I made that decision, my Twitter feed and email inbox were full of questions regarding a Chris May tweet of a WIP rumor that alleges the Phillies are "aggressively" pursuing Marlins slugger Giancarlo Stanton. So I decided that I had to write something. Then I figured, why not go all out and search engine optimize my headline, since really what we have here is little more than a naked grab for metrics. So, apologies, you will not find any boobs in this post. You will, however, find an explanation of why I wouldn't infer that the Phillies have a shot in hell of acquiring Stanton, even if they are, as alleged, aggressively pursuing him.


Funny, because the naked grab for metrics (like the Daily News and are above that sort of thing) started on the radio. And had there not been this shiny new thing on our desk boxes, the story likely would have gotten more legs– Hey, did you hear the Phillies are getting Stanton? Instead, the report was quickly shot down by those in the know – on the Internet – and Phillies fans will keep their sanity this afternoon.

Of course, this isn’t the first time that Murphy’s understanding of the intertubes has been about as deep as your great uncle’s:

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But it’s the hypocrisy from someone who collects a paycheck from a company that keeps a photo gallery of Wingettes on its sports page at all times…

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… that partnered with Bleacher Report to put SEO friendly, user-generated junk next to real, actual news…

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… junk like this… 

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… that is oh so rich. Rich. GET RICH QUICK. 12 STEPS TO GET RICH QUICK! Just hit the jump to find out how.

There. That’s how you do the Internet, right David? Thanks for the page views.

*True story. When I interviewed for an advertising sales position at the company in 2005, I was told that it wasn't online, but direct mail that was the main threat to their newspaper revenue. And after working there for two years, that misguided focus remained the same. Maybe they should have used more boobs.