New Study Reveals Women Prefer Heavy Stubble, and I’ve Been Proven a Mature and Manly Genius



A new study says stubble conveys maturity and manliness: [Science Mag]

Researchers photographed 10 men at four stages of beard growth: clean shaven, 5-day “light” stubble, 10-day “heavy” stubble (shown), and fully bearded. 351 women and 177 heterosexual men viewed the photos and rated each face for attractiveness, masculinity, health, and parenting ability. Women ranked heavily stubbled faces as the most attractive. Participants said that the clean-shaven men looked about as healthy and attractive as those with a full beard, but rated the bearded men higher for perceived parenting skills. Light stubble got the short end of the stick, garnering low scores across the board from both men and women. The 5-day growth may be too patchy, the researchers write in the May issue of Evolution and Human Behavior, which suggests “a threshold of density and distribution may be necessary for beards to function as an attractive signal.”

I’m so ahead of this curve. I’ve been telling Ms. CB for years that I look better with thick scruff. She prefers a five-day light, but I’m entirely too lazy to shave once a week, so I usually opt for the 10-14 day growth. Here’s the thing: at five days, she’s all oh come here, you, but somewhere between 7-10, she’s all get the hell away from me, you have food in there. But now it’s been proven that I’m better looking at 10 days out. It’s science! For the first time ever, I just won a disagreement. Armed with facts, I am. This is a rare event, men– embrace it. Print this out. Put it on the fridge. Carry it around in your pocket. Grind it up and put it in your beautiful 10-day stubble! Whatever.

Kudos to the scientists (frat dudes?) for including heterosexual men in this. We count too. It’s the reason Justin Timberlake is allowed to be good-looking now…

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… but not then:

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Women have liked JT all along, but it’s not until we approved of him that his career really took off. Now he’s rapping with Jay-Z and stuff. Clooney, Gosling– same reasons.

However, none of this is new… all you had to do was look at Cliff Lee for the answers:

Of course, we don’t all have MASSIVE HANDS. So let’s just pretend this study doesn’t exist.



19 Responses

  1. Does this include flabby stomach hair stubble? If so, I’m open for business, ladies.

  2. So this study has now automatically promoted me to good-looking and unemployed. Thank you science!

  3. Right you are Kyle; but I’d pump the brakes on all that manly talk for now… that beard is on the ginger side.

  4. Kyle you have just gone from fruit cake to full blown dick hugger. Posts about dogs and squirrels and now beards and science???? What the shit? Throw in a Harper/Nats hate post…. Sites gone to shit. And i cant waste tine coming here looking for sports news anymore. Adam from C town signing off for the last time.

  5. Seriously…what a fucking stupid article, purely for the sake of plastering your ugly, ginger-bearded face on this corny ass blog.

    As the above (former) reader stated: this site is just such a complete fucking joke anymore, so this will be the last time I check back.

    Kyle, you’re a tried and true Peter-puffer, with the sense of humor of a 13 yr old retard.

  6. You must not eat the kitty, chicks can’t take the stubble, scratches the shit out of the labia. Introduce yourself to a Mach 3 and a weight room.

  7. Hate to admit it Kyle, but CB is a bandwagon site. When the four sports teams are doing well, the content is great. Lets review: Flyers and Sixers – Offseason No Playoffs. Eagles- Offseason and will most likely suck this year. Phillies – Mediocre at Best. Why are you subjecting yourself to ridicule by posting pictures of yourself on your own blog about facial hair? You hoping to pickup another Ms CB by plastering yourself on the site? C’mon man, you can do better. Your stuff from two years ago was good, stick to whatever was working then.

  8. Kyle, a selfie in the mirror, dude? Really? With an iPhone???? Doesn’t it have the front AND rear facing camera??? I like going down between her thighs, but I have to keep that stubble in check, just like she does. Ruins any pleasure she gets out of me being down there, which in turns ruins the rest of my night. POINT: Stubble may help get the ladies to talk to you, but it ruins any sealing of the deal….

  9. Let me ask you a question. Where do you guys get those hats with the bills over the back like that? I go into all the city’s stores & the only ones I can find are the ones with the bill in the front

  10. nice picture douchebag, blog about something interesting, not a pic of your gay ass face, no one cares

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