Crossing Broad Celebrity Death Pool 2013

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Pic via CB reader Danielle Berman, whose work was featured on E!

I’m inspired.

I’m inspired by the downward spiral of Amanda Bynes, who, in just a few short years, went from this…

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… to this:

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You got next, Amanda. You got next.

I’ve always wanted to be in a celebrity death pool (as a participant, not a subject), but my friends are too lazy to get organized. So I thought to myself: Self, you have a website. Start one there. And so it came to be: THE CROSSING BROAD CELEBRITY DEATH POOL 2013. Cue the horror music!

Here’s the deal: It’s FREE to play. After the jump you will choose 10 celebrities (from multiple death tiers) for the balance of 2013. The contest starts now, but you can sign up through May 31 (if you sign up after one of your choices has expired, however, you will not get their points). Death tiers are as follows: you will choose celebrities from Death List’s 50 most eligible to die list (well, 45 now), 1 celebrity under 60, under 40, under 30, a Kardashianof CB’s most eligible, 1 current athlete, and news or sports personality. I have no idea why I just bolded random shit there. I’ll post the most popular selections. All ages will be based on your choice’s age as of December 31, 2013. Points per death (PPD) will be calculated thusly: however old the celebrity is when they die subtracted from 100. i.e. if Amanda Bynes, 27, were to die today, she would be worth 73 points. Please note that the scoring, which is based on their age when they die, and the age bracketing, which is based on their age at the end of the year, might present a disconnect in some cases. Points will be totaled at the end of the year and the winner will receive a prize. I haven’t figured out what yet, but it will be good– worth at least $500, with prizes for second and third place, or youngest death. Something like that. I’ll update the standings periodically throughout the year. Your name and email address will remain private, but please choose a handle that we can use on site. You may select the same celebrity for multiple death tiers… but you don’t want to put all your eggs in one casket.

There is only one rule: You may not kill any of your selections. Automatic disqualification for murder. In fact, it’s probably important (and legally required) to note that we don’t want any of these people to die. As boring as it may be, it would be great if they all defied the odds, father time, and lots and lots of heroin and lived. But that probably won’t happen. So we’re going to have some fun with it.

Choose your death squad after the jump.

Some notes: Full name and a valid email are required. These will not be made public. Your nickname or handle may be used on the site, though. When filling out your selections, please use the following format: FIRST NAME LAST NAME. No commas or ampersands or bullshit like that. This will make scoring much easier. If your selections are not filled out in this manner or are grossly misspelled, your entry may not be counted. I will do my best to keep track of celebrity deaths, but if you have an obscure entry and they die, it’s probably best to remind me. Remember your picks too!

Please choose your first three selections from the remaining 45 living people on this list.

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70 Responses

  1. Scott, you should take this post down. Seriously.

    Just not funny in any way, shape, or form.

    You can do better than this, my friend. (Ask Ms. CB what she thinks of it.)

    Sincerely, Andy

      1. Yeah i just spent 20 mins filling this thing out. Im going with Helmut Schmidt to bite it first

    1. I was gonna go Kyle Scott for under 40, 2 problems, he’s not a celebrity and if he dies there’s no payoff.

  2. Absolutely disgusting. Having a pool on people dying? You’re an absolute sick freak. Evaluate your life right now.

    1. Leave my boy Andy alone…
      Any news on the golf outing? I’ll fly in for it

  3. Amanda Bynes has completely lost her shit. Jenny McCarthy and a couple people were tweeting the other night that she was completely obliterated and needed help and that someone should call the cops, to which she replied…

    “@jennymccarthy I need help? What are u talking about? Aren’t u 50 years old? I’m 27, u look 80 compared to me! Why are you talking about me?
    — Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) May 2, 2013”

  4. I’d love to party & have anal sex with her.

    My death pool person is Chooch. Heard he’s been really bad on drugs lately

  5. I’m probably already going to hell, so why not have some fun. My picks are in, I’d be shocked if Allen Iverson (under 40) makes it through 2013 alive.

  6. Amanda Bynes is way hotter in the second picture, imho. Thats not the annoying Amanda who’s been posting here this week is it?

      1. Amannnnddddaaaa,

        Stay off this site- Amannnnndaaaaaaaa.

        That being said my choice would be homer for when he falls off the wagon after he gets canned within 2 years

    1. @ John,

      Lighten up pussy. People have death pools all the time. It’s a huge thing in offices & even police departments.

  7. I don’t see how Lindsey Lohan wouldn’t be the clubhouse leader in this race. That bitch is an absolute diseaster, WITH all eyes and ears (including the court system) on her trying to get her better.

  8. Bobby Brown goes down this year….and I can’t stand Stuart Scott on ESPN, but I don’t wish Cancer on anyone, it’s a bitch and I unfortunately had to use him as my news/sports personality…

  9. Im going with afleet alex. Heard he’s a huge fan of licking the mare’s assholes.

    “neigh! neigh
    “neigh! neigh

  10. This is really ghoulish and way off track for this blog. People like Bynes and Lohan get no sympathy from me but are clearly either sick or emotionally disturbed. How about not giving them the attention they crave and you acting like a human being?

  11. This is similar to an “All Dead” baseball team that my friends and I keep tabs on. Has to be a premature death of a former MLB (or current) player. So far our lineup is as follows: (we need some IF help)

    3B: Ken Caminitti
    OF: Kirby Puckett
    OF: Dernell Stenson
    OF: Greg Halman

    SP: Cory Lidle
    RP: Darryl Kile
    RP: Joe Kennedy
    RP: Steve Belcher
    Closer: Rod Beck

      1. I’m really confused. Are you a faux Edward Murphy or are you the dude who was telling us you’re in the process of gathering information to prove that Ed Snider was trying to kill Eric Lindros?
        Oh yeah, and that picture of Amanda looking like a cheap slutty stripper in the bathroom is so freakin’ hot!
        Carry on all…

  12. Stan.. Why is Clemente riding the pine for your team? And Thurman Munson would give Carter a run for starting catcher.
    My athlete for the death pool: no way JaMarcus Russell makes it out of Summer camps alive. Coronary after 1 week.

  13. this is terrible. just terrible. i hope all you people joking about this evaluate what you’re doing and the joy you’re taking in other people’s suffering. shit guys i’m all for fucked humor but this is asinine. this isn’t even a philly sports blog anymore it’s just a pile of heaping shit.

  14. Chill out, Joe.
    By participating in a dead pool we are also making light of our own mortality.
    And how are we causing anyone’s suffering? Who we choose for our dead pool has absolutely no bearing on who lives or dies, or who suffers.
    Get wit it.

  15. Where did I say that you’re causing it Junkhead? I’m just saying it’s a fucked up thing to be betting on. You’d literally be celebrating the deaths of these people. If you’re willing to acknowledge that and you’re perfectly okay with that, fine. It’s still awfully fucked. It’s one thing to make fun of the inevitability of death. It’s another to objectify these people and celebrate their downfalls.

  16. Dude, you’re going straight to hell because of this post. You know that right?

    Having said that I look forward to filling out my bracket.

    At least you’re creative.

  17. Amanda Bynes tweets to Drake a couple weeks ago that she wants him “murder her cunt”. I couldn’t make that up

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