Don’t Condescend Me, Phillies Twitter Guy

About a year ago, I wrote that soon the Phillies would need to start embracing social media and other creative marketing efforts, and stop resting on the laurels of five straight division championships, because eventually the goodwill would end. Well, it’s ended. Attendance is rapidly(?) declining. TV ratings are down. And the team is mediocre at best. So here we are, on the dark side of Ruben Amaro’s nonsensical rainbow. Suddenly, the nonchalant game-day employees at CBP*, uninventive and stale in-game promos, and cheese grater TV announcers are becoming a deal-breaker rather than a minor annoyance. And now the Phils have finally figured out that they need to, you know, try (from a marketing stand point, of course).

$10 tickets. Giveaways. Glimmers of a personality or a human running their Twitter account— all here. So, too, are quirky and patronizing promotions that Adam Aron would be proud of, like the one today:

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Jeez. They stopped just short of calling the promo breathtaking and naming Big Bird as the Phanatic’s replacement. A once-in-a-liftime opportunity to win J-Roll’s™ bat? What, does it come with magical powers that, once you hold it, you jump at every opportunity that comes your way and lose all patience for ever and always? Because that doesn’t sound good.

The “big reveal” was an announcement about their charity auction. Cool, I guess.

Of course, whatever cool factor that promo had was urinated out the window by a follow-up Tweet linking to a 3,215-word(!!!) disclaimer. Your friendly little social media contest… brought you by a very carefully cultivated marketing plan and a team of Major League Baseball lawyers. Go Phils!

*The guy who wraps the Schmitters is on my shit list. Holy hell, guy! One foil-fold at a time? Are you fucking kidding me? No joke: I witnessed a line of about 20 people watching as one dude wrapped individual sandwiches, while arguing with coworkers and holding side conversations, as two trays of Schmitters sat out getting cold. There was a break in the chain of two people – the cook and the guy who folds the fucking sandwiches – in getting $10 Schmitters to paying customers. Amazing.

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  • Tfor3 May 3, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Anyone still just a fan of the team whether they win or lose? Doesn’t mean you have to agree with anything, but why the drop in interest? Oh that’s right most of these “diehard phans” probably never heard of Robert Person.

    • Kim Vallejo May 3, 2013 at 11:29 am

      Still a die hard fan here…Listened to them growing up in the 70s, watched that train wreck in Cleveland the other night swearing they could pull it off..argue with fairweathers. No this is my town and my team…..

    • Cartman May 3, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      Remember his two home runs, including a grand slam?

      Good times. Good times.

  • Kyle Scott May 3, 2013 at 11:17 am

    saw him hit a grand slam live

  • Tfor3 May 3, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Opening day starter! I agree with the sentiment though, the Phils seem desperate. Although I wouldn’t mind washing the fair weathers out for a year or so.

    • ThePhillyFlash May 3, 2013 at 11:26 am

      Most of these fair weather freaks were probably in diapers back in the mid 80’s through the early 90’s when the team stunk like day old diapers and fielded kennels that made today’s Miami Marlins look like the ’27 Yankees. These Johnny-Come-Lately dweebs have ZERO concept of just how good they’ve had it for the last half decade, if they abandon ship now because of a rough patch, then they’re pathetic fucking losers who should never be allowed back in the park once the team’s stock rises again.

      • Kim Vallejo May 3, 2013 at 11:30 am

        Here Here Phlash!

  • Candy from the Oak May 3, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Wonder if they delete comments

  • Tfor3 May 3, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Well said Flash. This has been an unprecedented run. Even if the next few years are retooling they will be infinitely better than the years of Shane Rawley and Don Carmen at the top of the rotation

    • ThePhillyFlash May 3, 2013 at 12:54 pm

      And let’s not forget the regular lineup that featured the putrid likes of Ricky Jordan, Dickie Thon and Von “5 for 1” Hayes. Watching that dreck every night would’ve made waterboarding look like pleasure.

  • MM May 3, 2013 at 11:42 am

    The Scmitter should come with a pepto bismol milkshake and a coupon for a free gall bladder removal.

  • Jay Grace May 3, 2013 at 11:47 am

    I love f.cking with the Phils twitter about raj & the OF

  • Dr StinkyNuts May 3, 2013 at 11:49 am

    The Schmitters at the ballpark are shite, mate. There is no foil involved in a real Schmitter. Also, the Phils should add a “large tickle-feather giveaway” that bald imbecile McCarthy should be hung upside down & naked in the concourse for passing fans to tickle him. How about that!

  • Loke May 4, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Phuck the Phillies $ men and there over priced concessions and alienation of smoker/beer drinkers. Never see another Phucking buck from me until you put TVs and tables in smoking area.

    • The Dude May 4, 2013 at 5:37 pm

      Alienating beer drinkers at CBP? You’re bat shit fucking crazy.

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