Bird Droppings: Well Ain’t That Some Shit

King Dunlap finally contributing for the Birds by killing Nate Allen

Two things to clarify before we get into it, since I wrote the recap yesterday drunk and in a blind rage:

1) I still wouldn’t use those timeouts at the end of the game. The official box score says the Eagles only used two, but when you watch the video back, they used all three. The final one came with 11 seconds left, before the winning field goal. This likely had no impact on the outcome, since the Chargers only gained a few yards thanks to the free extra plays, but at that length – a 46-yard field goal – every inch makes a difference. The Chargers got three yards or so. And with the way the Eagles defense was playing, there was a very real possibility that the BOLTS could’ve gained much more, turning a tough field goal into a gimme. Plus the BIRDS couldn’t ice the kicker. I don’t know, but I feel like the percentages for a positive result are greater by forcing the near 50-yarder and icing the kicker than by getting one last desperation play. It’s not the reason the Eagles lost, but I don’t like the strategy.

2) I didn’t say DeSean Jackson was the reason the Eagles lost the game– I said he cost his team. Which he did. This has always been the debate around D-Jac: He’s obviously talented and a game-changer, but he’s inconsistent and does dumb things. He had a great game… it should have been better. His miscues may have been worth a 14-point swing.

This deep ball– have to stay in bounds:

Screen Shot 2013-09-16 at 8.39.54 AMDeSean got lazy and was looking for pay dirt. You have to know where the sideline is here and make an effort to get both feet in. It wasn’t a great pass, but DeSean had his left foot in, and with a little more awareness and effort, would’ve got his right in.

Have to catch this, too:

Screen Shot 2013-09-16 at 8.41.40 AM

Again, not a great throw. Still catchable. If you’re a top wide receiver and a ball floats into both of your hands, you have to catch it. No excuse.

And then the penalty. He takes a dumb penalty on the Eagles’ go-ahead touchdown which costs them 15 yards on the kickoff. Alex Henererererererererereererererery kicked three touchbacks yesterday. But thanks to DeSean’s penalty, this kick went to the 11, was returned 28 yards, and then a goofy fumble gave the Chargers another 20 yards. They only had to go 39 yards to take the lead back, which, given the fact that the Eagles defense was holding an open house in their own territory with FREE THIRD DOWN PASTRIES(!) yesterday, wasn’t hard.

This is the difference between good and great players. DeSean has the ability to be great, but he does frustrating stuff like this that, when added up, can be the difference between a win and a loss. He’s not the reason why the Eagles lost the game – the defense is the number one culprit – he’s merely one of them. You know that you’re going to have to outscore teams. The last thing you need is one of your best players making very avoidable mistakes.

To the poo!


James Casey: You stink. Speaking of avoidable mistakes:

Screen Shot 2013-09-16 at 9.14.50 AM

This was actually a good throw by Vick. He had to lead Casey and get it around a defender– it had to be low. And it had to be caught. It wasn’t. The ground just came up out of nowhere! and got Casey. Cost the Eagles four points (field goal on the drive).


Inconclusive rule: This isn’t a catch by Malcolm Floyd…

Screen Shot 2013-09-16 at 9.17.52 AM… but, thanks again, for the second week in a row, to the inconclusive burden of proof, the Eagles lost the challenge because the play was ruled a catch and no camera angle could prove that the ball CERTAINLY LOOKS LIKE IT HIT THE GROUND! Also, Chip Kelly conspiracy theory. He may never win a challenge.

COD Ghosts: This commercial– sold:

Also sold: Is Peyton Manning the most marketable athlete in the world? One of the best players in his sport, no baggage, great actor with ironic deadpan. He’s just so cute.

Flyswatter alert: Vick didn’t have a great first half. Missed some open receivers, didn’t do DeSean any favors on deep ball, and cowered at sight of a flyswatter and fumbled the football in hilarious fashion:


Playcall-signs: Love the Ozzy Osbourne sign. Even better reaction from Dan Dumbdorf: “Ozzy Osbourne! Bite their head off, I guess is what they’re gonna do.”

Of course, his wit was quickly offset by him and Gumbel to Gumbel co-star Greg Gumbel thinking that these were actual Eagles play-call signs (they were held by fans):

Screen Shot 2013-09-16 at 10.08.13 AM

I’m convinced that Dan Dumbdorf eats lightly-salted glass before every game. And I’m convinced that Greg Gumbel is secretly plotting to kill his slightly more successful brother.




Now seems like a good time for this Vine, via Brian Hickey, of Kacie McDonnell saying during the FOX Philly pre-game show that the Eagles are “taking the cup this year”:


She covered Flyers camp last week and got tongue-tied whilst surrounded by drunken slobs. Can’t blame her. And hey, if there’s one person who can figure out how the Eagles can win a cup this year, my money is on Chip Kelly.


Second half

Necks: Aren’t supposed to go this way:


Thankfully, Floyd was fine (after being taken to the hospital) and his neck’s not broken.


That said, give credit to the Chargers offense. The Eagles defense is turrrribbblllle, but Philip Rivers was insanely accurate and made good decisions all day. Holding, and perhaps the occasional maiming, was the only way to stop him. And yes, I just wrote something nice about Philip Rivers. – places two whole quarters in the swear jar –

Points: STOP GIVING THEM AWAY! Both teams. The Chargers had two fumbles in the red zone and the Eagles: 1) James Casey dropped a touchdown pass, 2) DeSean Jackson couldn’t haul in one, if not two, would-be touchdown passes, 3) another was called back because of an illegal formation. The Eagles still picked up points on some of those drives, but they cost themselves roughly 13 points by not executing.

Offense: Despite their miscues, the Eagles’ offense still put up over 500 yards. Chip Kelly is getting players open, and he absolutely abused Shareece Wright, who COULDN’T’VE covered D-Jac yesterday if he used a fishing net. The problem, if there is a problem, is execution. The Eagles could’ve easily had over 40 points in each of their first two games. The scary thing is that they are leaving points on the board. That never happened during the Andy Reid era. He used to eat everything that was left on the board. Did someone say cheese board?! 

And they’re just so damn dynamic. In the first half, more traditional run-pass, both of which were strong. In the second half, they ran quite a few read option plays, which were executed flawlessly by Vick. Perfect reads on the defense where he kept the ball for positive gains. The Eagles can beat you through the air, on the ground, with their speedy quarterback, and through some sort of mind-fucking clusterfuck of option plays where they can do any and all of those things and eat your youngest child in the process.

Defense: We know it’s an issue. They were bad yesterday, probably worse than we thought they were. But the Chargers executed every step of the way. The Eagles are going to have to outscore teams this year, and I think they can do that. The good news is that the defense is forcing turnovers, and while they bent more than a cartoon catapult yesterday, they didn’t break shatter. They didn’t completely shatter. Break but don’t shatter defense— own dat!

Patrick Chung: He’s the early favorite for the King Dunlap Guy Who is Most Likely to Do Something Laughably Ridiculous Each Game award.



F King Dunlap. For real, F that guy.

I’ve located Dan Dumbdorf’s sore spot: It’s carrying the ball like a seagull carries a sandwich. Dumbdorf is having trouble formulating words as he’s outraged over Antonio Gates’ ball-carrying technique. This is amusing.

Foles: No clue why, with 2:03 remaining and one of the most important plays of the game upcoming, Kelly’s runs a feel-pass play with Nick Foles, who came in for one play. The only thing that happens there is an incomplete pass or interception. RUN THE BALL. Who cares if everyone knows it’s coming. Insane to put Foles in a position to throw the game away. This was my first WHAT THE FUCK WHY?! moment of the Chip Kelly era.

Calling three timeouts and giving the Chargers three extra plays to line up the perfect field goal: This was my second WHAT THE FUCK WHY?! moment of the Chip Kelly era.


In a nutshell: Good offense, bad defense, but too many miscues, wasted opportunities, and dangerous Madden-esque chances taken which all added up to a loss in a very entertaining game. Good news, though! Andy Reid comes in on Thursday, and not even Dan Dumbdorf can out-dumb that guy. Time’s yours, motherfucker.


36 Responses

  1. Yo, Kyle! I suspect there will be numerous “WHAT THE FUCK WHY?” moments with Chip until he gets this pro football thing down. As for the defense, I doubt there’s any cure for that clusterfuck, as I watched Phillip Rivers dissect that kennel like a high schooler with a frog in Biology class, I actuall pined for Juan Castillo. Not even his units were THAT bad! And if Rivers who’ll never see the inside of Canton without a ticket shredded that defense for over 500 yards, imagine what Peyton Manning will do to it two weeks from now. Good luck trying to outscore HIM of all people! Lastly, Desean, all I can say is….stupid is as stupid does.

  2. Is it me or does King Dunlap basically tackle Nate Allen??!!? That is a questionable block at best and IMO should have drawn a flag. Stil did not come down to this play as to why they lost.

    1. had this been an eagles player who made the block and a flag was thrown im fairly certain your head would have exploded in rage…also is this the first time youve seen professional football?…perfect block

      1. Ugh, you must have been a pro football player and are helping all us with your extreme knowledge of the game on this site. Thanks for your astute insight and help. But if you open your eyes and review the play he wraps his left arm around him and twists him to the ground. Thats not a perfect block and yeah I have seen a few games but obviously not as many as you. So go back to the basement and watch NFL replays all day.

        1. sorry mike pereira i didnt realize i was talking to the former head of officiating…considering you are the only one who thought that block was illegal i would make sure you yell a little louder for your mom to bring you meatloaf

  3. I agree with being pissed about Foles coming in to pass. Run the ball for a couple of yards!!! Don’t chuck it out of the endzone. Definitely a wtf moment

  4. Situation: 1st down SD at 31 yard line. SD has 1 TO left. :21 seconds on clock.

    Option A: Let SD run ball for 1 yard on 1st down. SD runs clock down to 2 seconds, calls last TO. Kicks 48 yard FG on 2nd down. Game ends.

    Option B: Let SD run ball three times, and use PHI TOs after each down. Take your chances that SD fumbles or loses yardage (which is a real possibility, since PHI is essentially playing goalline defense). SD kicks 46 yard FG on 4th down. PHI gets ball back with :07 on clock, enough time to return KO and run a play.

    If it’s me, I give up an extra two yards on the FG for the chance that SD fumbles, PHI stops SD in backfield, or PHI can score on the KO or extra play.

    1. Exactly the point!!! Two extra yards would have made no difference as he made the 46 yard with ease.

      If we iced the kicker and he missed on the first try Kyle would be sitting here talking about how stupid it was to ice the kicker.

  5. Watching the Eagles defense on the field was like watching a Rosie O’Donnel sex tape, it honestly hurt your eyes to even look. They are honestly gonna give the 2012 Saints “historically bad” defense a run for its money. How can you do a 3 man rush, drop 8 into coverage, and still have opposing receivers WIDE OPEN. Good thing they didn’t dress Vinny Curry either, i mean why bother. I’d rather watch someone with Parkinson’s try to put toothpaste on a toothbrush than watch this defense. just wake me when Vick and Co. take the field.

        1. The NFL has ruled that an incomplete pass for four decades.

          Even John Madden, Mike Ditka, Jimmie Johnson and the rest of the “In my day a fumble was a fumble!!” crowd know that the NFL errs and then some on the side of an incomplete pass for balls knocked loose just after a catch. If they didn’t, that would be the end of the forward pass.

  6. Only thing I have to disagree with you…that sideline catch…was a catch…great play, had control and tapped that left foot in bounds. Other that than secondary lost us that game!

    1. Kinda disagree a bit there, with zero pass rush ANY secondary, even a good one, can’t cover forever. Rivers could have microwaved a burrito in the time he had to throw yesterday.

  7. So last Monday Chipper calls the most run plays that we’ve since in well over a decade (!) and we win.

    Yesterday he suddenly channels his inner Andy Reid and abandons the run late in the game. Result? Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

    Hope he learned his lesson: Get Shady the ball. A lot.

  8. The James Casey throw was horrible. What game were you watching? He had at least 2ft of seperation bt the defender. Had the throw actually led him and been chest height he would have scored and the ball would have been unable to be defended.

    1. huh? all he had to do is maintain possession of the damn ball as he rolled over. It’s the NFL. you catch those balls.

  9. So DeSean has to make both those plays despite you acknowleging both being poorly thrown? How about your Quarterback has to make a better throw to his wide open receiver. OMG they can’t ICE THE KICKER!!!!!!! The most overrated and probably worthless use of a timeout there is. With an explosive offense like this, that has huge play capability, I’ll gladly take the ball back for one more play. Not that I was a fan of that last play, I really thought Chip would’ve had something a little more creative up his sleeve than that.

    1. Very few throws are perfect. Yeah, DeSean has to make those plays. And I’m not sure an explosive offense is relevant on one 60-yard desperation play. Come on.

      1. having 1 60 yard play left while being down 3 points is better than having no plays left while being down 3 points.

      2. I’ll give you the first one, he needs better sideline awareness. But the other one, where he has two steps on the closest defender, you have to hit him in stride there. If he catches that ball he isn’t scoring anyway because he would’ve had to extend so far he most likely would’ve fallen forward and been touched down by contact.

  10. Is Kacey McDonnell supposed to be a legitimate reporter for Fox 29?
    If so, why does her twitter page look like a giddy teenager’s with tons of selfies and pictures with local athletes, celebrities, etc.?
    Not real professional to say the least and I wonder how her employer feels about this.

  11. The Thank You note is in the mail
    Dear King:
    Thank you.
    To join the cause, please see address below.

    Mr. King Dunlap
    c/o San Diego Chargers
    P.O. Box 609609
    San Diego, CA 92160-9609

  12. The Chargers CLEARLY were perfectly fine with the 48 yard field goal. That is why on 1st and 10 with 1 time out left they ran the ball up the middle to CENTER the football for the kick. At that point that would not have risked stopping the clock themselves with an incomplete pass or worse a turnover.

    It doesn’t matter that the Eagles called their time outs because the Chargers could stop the clock on their own if they wanted to.

    He still made the kick with relative ease so any counter argument is a mute point. Two less yards wouldn’t have made a difference.

    1. Don’t disagree, but with the way the Eagles defense was playing, there was no guarantee the Chargers running plays wouldn’t turn into 10-20 yards, making it a much more reasonable field goal. Again, it didn’t hurt anything, but just don’t like the strategy there.

  13. We lost by three points.. No one is talking about Henery missing a field goal in the 2nd quarter?? Let’s harp on Jackson, Vick our defense. They are all valid points but lets not give shit to our perfect kicker who missed and could have def changed the outcome of the game…. Chargers kicker was chipping from 46,48. Henery missed..

  14. Bottom line: your defense gives up 30+ points and 500+ yards of offense, you don’t deserve to win. This was what I was afraid of, with getting a freakin’ reject for a DC.

  15. Just be glad they didn’t play the Lions. They have no answer for Megatron and Suh will put Vick into retirement. Better luck next year, maybe get a new coach.

      1. What a bunch of losers. A joke of a team. We’ll see them at about 2-14 come December. Lol. Change the name to the Philidelphia Turkeys. Lol

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