14. Philadelphia Phillies
File under: Shittiness by the metric ton
A recent run of excellence disqualifies the Phillies from being higher on this list, but still: They were the first of two American teams to lose more than 10,000 games, and their all-time record is so far below .500, they could go 162-0 for six straight seasons and still not be shooting par. In 130 years, they’ve won only two World Series—same as the Toronto Blue Jays, who started in 1977 and play in fucking Canada.
But good news! The Mets and the entire city of Cleveland are ahead of the Phils (and that’s before the Bynum era has ever really even begun in Cleveland!).
H/T to (@jrw522)