Screen Shot 2013-09-26 at 10.03.52 AMThere’s a scene in In Good Company where Topher Grace’s ashamed character has to explain how he will increase advertising sales at Sports America by 20%, and the only thing he can think to do is spew buzz words like synergy and synchronize. In doing so, he talks himself into putting sports factoids on boxes of Krispity Krunch because that must be what the public wants! [When what they really wanted was more scenes in that movie with Scarlett Johansson.]

Ultimately, we learn that it’s not that simple. And Grace’s character quickly grows to hate himself for being a part of such bland corporate shit.

I think of that scene every time a league, team or player announces a partnership with a brand, product or social media platform. All sorts of synergies bes goings on.

But today, the NFL’s new partnership with Twitter has taken the art of jamming buzz words and phrasities into a press release to another level. I’ve bolded them for you. To the Press Release Takedown, a PRT!

The National Football League (NFL) and Twitter today announced a ground breaking partnership that will deliver NFL content to fans around the world, leveraging the reach of the fast-growing social platform. The partnership, which is part of Twitter’s Amplify program, will enable fans to engage with customized NFL video content, created specifically for the Twitter platform, on PCs, tablets, and mobile devices.  This deal represents the first time the NFL has partnered with a social platform and is the first step in a broader strategic collaboration around some of the most valuable content in the entertainment business.

Twitter is trying to F with its near-perfect user experience by featuring partner content that you’d rather find organically. Please welcome the NFL to our money-grab!

There will be multiple premiere sponsors of the program throughout the 2013 NFL regular and postseason, including an exclusive sponsorship of the program for Super Bowl XLVIII. The partnership enables national sponsors to realize maximum engagement and conversation around NFL content on a social channel.

We’re going to show you in-game highlights, but only after you sit through a short video advertisement. You’ll be so engaged you won’t even notice.

Starting today, Twitter users will have access to a uniquely packaged, seven-day-a-week NFL content programming schedule on Twitter, including in-game highlights from NFL Network’s Thursday Night Football as well as clips from other regular season and postseason games. In addition to content featuring game footage, NFL video packages on Twitter will include news, analysis, fantasy football advice, and voting platforms from NFL Network and NFL.com.

We’ll be tweeting short videos, plus in-game highlights from, unfortunately, only one game per week, because our TV deals are IRON CLAD and we can’t share the other games live. It’s the same reason why the RedZone channel has to shut down at 8 p.m. if a game goes late. NBC-Comcast-motherfuckers no likey when their 32-man pre-game show loses a Nielsen point.

“Partnering with Twitter provides the NFL with a unique vehicle to reach millions of highly engaged fans in an environment which will allow trusted partners and sponsors to align with our brand,” said Brian Rolapp, Chief Operating Officer for NFL Media. “With consumption habits shifting to mobile devices and companion experiences alongside broadcasts of our games, this partnership will provide us an additional channel to reach those users which is completely complementary to our flagship mobile product, NFL Mobile from Verizon.”

Synergy!

“The NFL brand is more than just the premiere sports league in the world, it is creating content that is extremely popular and widely consumed,” said Adam Bain, President of Global Revenue for Twitter. “This partnership brings the best of the NFL to fans on our platform, and allows them to connect and share around their passion for football. The NFL has always been at the forefront of media innovation and this is the next step in that evolution. Having access to this type of highly coveted content on Twitter will not only offer our users a unique programming schedule which will deepen their engagement with our platform but will also provide our sponsors with a value proposition that few other partners can bring to the table.”

Krispity Krunch!

Basically: the NFL will now be able to Tweet and embed videos from NFL.com on Twitter, sometimes during games!, but only the one game per week that the NFL holds the broadcast rights to. Coolzzzz.

If you work in marketing, advertising, social media, sales or anything of the sort and you ever use any of these phrases, do me a favor and punch yourself in the face real hard. It will save you the regret of stealing Dennis Quaid’s job.