Tonight, the Phillies Will Go to Bat with Their Worst Lineup of All-Time

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There’s a part of me – a small, wrinkly part – that is waiting for Ruben Amaro to pop his head into my office (slash Ms. CB’s room to put shit that, god forbid, might clutter another room) and tell me that I’ve been punk’d, that the 2012 and 2013 seasons were a mere setup to screw with a popular blogger and that, somewhere, in an alternate universe where ponies dance and Howards homer, the Phillies are still playing baseball with guys deserving of more than the league minimum and a comped hotel room.

Twitter responses to the Phillies’ lineup reveal are after the jump.


11 Responses

  1. @FACE

    Reading may have a better chance against the Natinals than this lineup. At least Jim Murphy, Maikel Franco, and Kelly Dugan hit 10+ homers.


  2. Let me crank up my Blu-Ray player and pop something in it, because I have NO intention of wasting my time with the Phillies tonight. Anyone who goes down to the Bank to watch THAT lineup is flushing money down the toilet. As for Gio Gonzalez, he’ll probably throw a no-hitter tonight.

  3. I have watched some awful, AWFUL games start to finish this year. Hell, I even flew to Chicago this past weekend to watch two of them. But this… This is the most unwatchable shit they’ve scraped together all year. I’ll be watching Netflix instead of taking a shot for every half assed pop up or strike out during this game.

  4. You know what this means, right? The Phils will drop a 10-spot on Gio and win in a laugher. Someone is going to hit for the cycle or something.

    . . . .but Ethan Martin will still be pulled by the 4th inning. He’s just awful. (He’s so bad he makes Kendrick look good.)

    Martinez and Casper Wells together in the starting 9 would have instantly been THE worst lineup ever. I can’t take seeing Mini-Mart on a major league roster. It’s like Amaro just *Has* to try to justify that waste of a rule 5 pick somehow.

  5. I’m glad I don’t have any Phillies on my fantasy team…playing for the championship this week and next….they would be killing me with these lineups…I also tried to think of a worse lineup from back in the 60’s….this lineup may in fact be the worst…

  6. Wow, a grand total of 1 player who could hit at a major league level if he was allowed to put amps in his coffee.

    In fairness to Chooch, players should be allowed to take speed. C’mon, MLB. That shit propped up a lifetime of players back to DiMaggio and Teddy Ballgame’s day. It never hurt anybody in a way that could be established in a court of law.

  7. I was at the game, and couldn’t believe the opening line either.

    Couldn’t the Skip have thrown me a bone and put either JRoll or Chutz in there????

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