Eagles

We Zaprudered That Family Fight at the Eagles Game (Where’s the Security?)

By Kyle Scott

Published: Sep 23rd, 2013 · 2:55 PM EDT

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More video emerging from that family fight at the Eagles game Thursday night, and this one provides a much better look at what happened. It doesn’t appear that too many punches landed, but it went on for a while… and it took security forever to get there.

We pick up the action with the fight well underway:

To start:

At around :06, we meet this guy…

… a lone “event staff” member holding a “Go Eagles!” sign. He has no chance, but, dutifully, he keeps holding the sign high as long as he can (“elbow right angle and above the waist! elbow right angle and above the waist!“).

At :22, we meet This Fucking Guy. TFG escalates things by first finishing (important!) and then throw his drink into the pile:

He’ll later help break up the fight and shrug when people accuse him of making things worse.

Dejected after 25 seconds of trying, our spirit squader lets down his guard and heads off:

At around :39, we see someone wearing a sport coat and jeans pulling someone out of the pile:

He’s a plainclothed security guard, because he can be seen talking into his wrist in Eliot Shorr-Parks’ video from Friday:

This guy is half helping, grabbing – literally – the low-hanging fruit out of the pile. But there’s not much he can do without backup.

At around :50, we see a guy in a suit on the steps:

He’s most likely part of the Eagles’ “concierge” staff, whose stated mission is to “provide guests with the highest quality sports and entertainment experience in a safe, clean, and friendly environment.” They’re doing a great job today.

At :54, we see this Justin Bieber looking motherfucker carrying what appears to be his seat as a keepsake from the melee. That, or he wants to murder somebody with it. He’s helped out of the ring by This Fucking Guy, whom we met earlier:

At 1:21, a thick dude wearing a grey Eagles jacket is allowed to enter the fracus and seems to be doing his best to break things up. Don’t know who he is, but he starts laying down the law real fast and might be a plainclothed security guard, too. Or he’s Hollis Thomas:

At 2:00, the most Philly woman ever: “Do me a favor, call the cops, you knucklehead! You frigging idiot!”

I’m told that both the “event staff” and “concierge” are employed by the Eagles and that they are, under no circumstances, allowed to get involved in fights or put their hands on guests. That task falls to CSC and Apex– both private security firms.

It’s unclear who the “plainclothed” guy (and Number Two) works for. We don’t see a uniformed security guard show up until 2:19 of the video, when a guy in a black “Apex Security” jacket steps in:

By this point the fight is already breaking up. The plainclothed guy or guys, the concierge and our peppy event staffer did the best they could (remember: they’re not allowed to touch people). But this fight needed more uniformed security guards, and it needed them to get there much faster.

Of course, the delay allowed for the Cupid Shuffle to serve as our soundtrack, which is pretty awesome.