Presenting the Most Useless Blog Post Ever on Philly.com and Why a 17-Year-Old Should be Covering the Sixers for the Inquirer

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Following the last post about the slow death of Interstate General Media – owners of the Inquirer, Daily News and Philly.com – here’s a blog post from earlier this week by Inquirer Sixers beat writer Keith Pompey which demonstrates everything that is wrong with old school, embedded reporters who regurgitate anything the team says because content!

Usually I won’t excerpt an entire article, but, for criticism’s sake, I literally have no other choice here. This is the whole thing:

Voila_Capture181What in the actual fuck is that? Why even write that? What does it tell us? Yeah, we know, the Sixers spent the better part of a week in Europe. It made them closer? Makes sense. But how about telling us some things they did together? How about an anecdotal tale of Evan Turner farting into Brett Brown’s dress shoes but Brett Brown laughing it off because “these are my guys!” Maybe a description of how the newly minted chemistry manifested itself against Bilbaobababooey or the Thunder? Or a story about Khalif Wyatt trying to pick up some Spanish hooker but running into problems because it was damn near impossible to establish parameters in a foreign language* and then getting bailed out of jail by MCW because “dawg, I been there”? No? Just players who were strangers weeks ago were laughing like lifelong best friends? You don’t say! Humans interacting when forced to travel together to a foreign country and play a team sport? You mean they got along and didn’t eat each other for sustenance?! This human race is really something else, I tell you.

This isn’t reporting– it’s content for content’s sake because someone told me that we need a lot of content. It’s not news. It’s not interesting. It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining. It’s not thought provoking. And honest to Christ, a high school kid could’ve written that. In fact, high school kids write better than that. For real. I’m petitioning the Inquirer to hire 17-year-old Jake Pavorsky. He wrote this about Evan Turner’s effort against Bilbao:

Turner looked like a man trying to get himself traded to a fringe contender at the deadline on Sunday night. In 30 minutes of action, Turner shot 7-15 from the floor, finishing the evening with a cool 25 points. ET did a good job of not just settling primarily for jumpers, and driving the paint in hopes of finishing a easy layup or getting himself to the line. When he decided to show off his perimeter shot, Turner did a tremendous job of creating separation for himself in order to rise up over the defender and knock down his patented “no arc” shot on multiple occasions. Granted, he still had five turnovers, and I wonder if his inability to create scoring chances without the ball in his hands could stunt the growth of Carter-Williams, but if all goes well he’ll be gone by February and the Sixers will have more picks.

NBA draft fever, more contagious than the chicken pox in elementary school.

Meanwhile, Pompey’s evaluation of Turner from that very same game:

Swingman Evan Turner and reserve guard Tony Wroten benefited the most from going to the foul line.

Turner led all scorers with 25 points while making 10 of 12 free throws. Wroten also drained 10 of 12 foul shots and finished with 16 points.

Those recaps aren’t even close. One cost a FIOS connection, the other cost thousands in airfare alone. That’s not a sustainable business model. You can’t pay for shit and expect a profit in return.

*So, uh, you don’t want me finishing on you?

Si.

That’s cool. Wait… yes, you don’t want me finishing on you, or, yes, I can finish on you? Damn affirming a negative with a positive!

Si.

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10 Responses

  1. Ha ha ha – this post is great….another fossil writer who has no other job skills other than to eat press food and act as an extension of the sixers PR staff….He is too busy wondering about his contribution to his 401K plan…Jake Pavorksey kicks arse!!!!!!

  2. Wow, really letting the Inquirer and Philly.com get in your head huh??
    Stop with the inferiority complex….we get it – you want to be recognized and credible. First one you can check, second one – never gonna happen. Maybe you should have gotten a degree in Journalism and busted your ass the old fashoned way, otherwise shut the fuck up about this cause it’s just getting boring and old.

  3. If you want an essay, go to Grantland or Broad Street Hoops where those guys can write 3,000 words on nuisances of the game and do it well. Go to Liberty Ballers for a bizarre and hilarious look into the tankfest that is the 6ers.
    Pompey writes for a totally different audience. The majority of people and fans could care less about true shooting %. At the same time Pompey has been on the Broad Street Line podcast, has a weekly online chat, and is very interactive on Twitter with fans and bloggers alike. Don’t hate Keith bc he gets to travel with the team, you just sound like a whinny bitch.

  4. I’m really getting tired of things like this. Two years ago, a bunch of my friends and I were fascinated with Kyle Scott and Crossing Broad because it was actually a satirical and interesting take on Philadelphia sports. Since then, all downhill. Almost every time I see a Crossing Broad tweet or post, it’s another attack on the Philadelphia media.

    No one said you have to agree with the way the Philadelphia media does things. A lot of people are aware that the Inquirer is a mess and doesn’t have much of a digital presence. That doesn’t take away the fact that the writers have to write what they are assigned as members of the beat and columnists. They have requirements on content. What else would you like a Sixers beat writer to do? This isn’t some basement blogger who can curse out an entire team when they don’t perform how he would like. If you think it’s that bad, why don’t you go do it? Oh wait, that’s right, you went to school for it and decided that wasn’t quite your speed. Get over it. These people have jobs to do and unlike said basement bloggers, actual journalists have a code of ethics to follow and a professional reputation to uphold. Maybe you forget that in the time you studied journalism at Nova and started selling BS and stupid humor like a salesman.

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