Phillies

Watch as that Dweeb Ken Rosenthal Tries to Get You to Hate Shane Victorino

By Kyle Scott

Published: Oct 31st, 2013 · 8:25 AM EDT

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Screw Ken Rosenthal, that little bow-tie-wearing, four-foot-two, smaller-than-the-average-guy dweeb for this horrific and pandering line of questioning to Shane Victorino just moments after Victorino and the Red Sox won the World Series.

How much more meaningful is it to win this series, in this town, in this park, in this city?

FUCK YOU, DUDE.

For a brief moment, Victorino’s Philly legacy hung in the balance. It hinged on the next words to come out of his mouth, which, for Victo, meant that the odds were stacked firmly against him.

But he handled it well: Hey, all those that were affected in the tragedy: Boston Strong!

Good answer, Shane. Goooooood answer.

Now, don’t let my compliment fool you. I was very much rooting for Shane Victorino to not win the World Series, to not grand slam the Red Sox into it, to not hit a three-RBI double and another bases loaded single to clinch it, to not win another Gold Glove, to not be one of the faces of Boston sports forever and all-time. No. I can’t take it anymore. Last night, I was curled up in the corner, firmly in the fetal position. Ruben Amaro traded Victo and Hunter Pence last summer for total shit and then both went on to play major roles in helping their teams win the World Series in consecutive years while the Phillies have completely bottomed out and the realization has set in that A) their window is closed and B) they probably kept the wrong guys! They re-signed Jimmy Rollins, who, last night, was on an apprenticeship for his next career and sitting in a makeshift broadcast booth a hundred yards away from where his friend and former teammate was Boston Stronging his way into Beantown lore.  NO. NO. NOOOOOO!

Here you go, you dope, Amaro. Here’s statistical baseball genius Bill James, a Red Sox advisor-mastermind, on the field last night, drinking, laughing. Laughing at you and your antiquated philosophies:

I really need a timeout of some sort. I’m getting irrationally angry at Philly GMs because the Red Sox won the World Series. Think about how messed up that is! That’s what this town has done to me, done to you. We’re Jesse Pinkman after Walt basically killed everyone that he loved. Our spirits are broken.

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BTW, the top searches on CB this morning– Shane Victorino wife, Shane Victorino girlfriend…

… those things aren’t the same.