She was born in North Jersey and still has lots of family there, so I’ve always put up with her New York-leaning tendencies (not sports fandom, thankfully), but I’m not sure we can overcome the parade thing.
If you grew up in or around Philly, with family from in or around Philly, you watch the 6 ABC Boscov’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (6ABCBTDP) on Thanksgiving morning. It’s just what you do. There are no alternatives. I don’t even like parades, and truthfully, on any other day of the year, such a thing would be akin to getting a root canal. But, on Thanskgiving…well, it’s not the holiday season until Cecily Tynan tells me why this particular high school marching band is the best. Not Thanksgiving until a B-list celebrity shows up on a float just hours before firing their agent. Not Thanksgiving until Adam Joseph shows us his hip new scarf. Not Thanksgiving until Major Drumstick marches around Eakins Oval and a faux Santa runs his fat white ass up the Art Museum steps. Then, AND ONLY THEN, can the Christmas season, holiday stuffings and shopping commence. You don’t watch the national parade, in New York. You don’t dare venture over to NBC or, worse, whatever got awful celebration is on CBS that morning. No. You keep it locked on 6 ABC until football begins. That’s just what you do. One year, I was hungover and slept through the entire parade. Ruined Christmas. I couldn’t muster up any holiday cheer because I didn’t see the 6ABCBTDP. It was pretty messed up.
Perhaps it’s because my family has always been a 6 ABC family. For years, my Grandmom was Gardner-Jennings-number-Jeopardy. Like clockwork. You could count on that combination every weeknight when she was over. A few years ago, we lost her… she switched over to Mendte on CBS 3, until everyone found out that he was a crazed stalker. I think she’s back to Gardner now, but I’m not sure. It was a dark time, so we don’t talk about it much. But she never misses the number (even though I tell her she can just Google it!), and I know she’ll be watching 6ABCBTDP in a few weeks. She wouldn’t miss that shit.
My fiancée, the love of my life, however, knowing her words and actions with regard to this manner cut deep, posted this on my Facebook wall yesterday:
We’re at an impasse. She’s not budging. We’ve talked about it– she’s from a Macy’s family, I’m from a Boscov’s family. I mean, I’m right and she’s wrong… but she’s not moving off it.
What do we do? Do we bring two TVs downstairs every year? Do we spend Thanksgiving at different houses? Do we call off the wedding? I’m not submitting to that national, corporatized bullshit parade. I’m watching the 6ABCBTDP one way or another, engaged, married or single.
Has anyone else ever dealt with a problem like this? Did you marry into a Poconos-over-the-Shore family? Does your brother-in-law stream WFAN at work? Does your wife rip away the one true thing that brings out your holiday spirit? I need advice, and I need it now.
*Yeah, I know Boscov’s doesn’t sponsor it anymore. The Wikipedia page – IT HAS A WIKIPEDIA PAGE – tells me it’s been Ikea and, now, Dunkin’ Donuts. But it’ll always be Boscov’s to me. The 6 ABC Boscov’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.