My Fiancée Prefers the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Over the 6 ABC Thanksgiving Day Parade and I Don’t Know What to Do

Voila_Capture469My fiancée – MS. CB, as you may know her – prefers the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, in New York, on NBC, over the 6 ABC Boscov’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.* I don’t know what to do about that.

She was born in North Jersey and still has lots of family there, so I’ve always put up with her New York-leaning tendencies (not sports fandom, thankfully), but I’m not sure we can overcome the parade thing.

If you grew up in or around Philly, with family from in or around Philly, you watch the 6 ABC Boscov’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (6ABCBTDP) on Thanksgiving morning. It’s just what you do. There are no alternatives. I don’t even like parades, and truthfully, on any other day of the year, such a thing would be akin to getting a root canal. But, on Thanskgiving…well, it’s not the holiday season until Cecily Tynan tells me why this particular high school marching band is the best. Not Thanksgiving until a B-list celebrity shows up on a float just hours before firing their agent. Not Thanksgiving until Adam Joseph shows us his hip new scarf. Not Thanksgiving until Major Drumstick marches around Eakins Oval and a faux Santa runs his fat white ass up the Art Museum steps. Then, AND ONLY THEN, can the Christmas season, holiday stuffings and shopping commence. You don’t watch the national parade, in New York. You don’t dare venture over to NBC or, worse, whatever got awful celebration is on CBS that morning. No. You keep it locked on 6 ABC until football begins. That’s just what you do. One year, I was hungover and slept through the entire parade. Ruined Christmas. I couldn’t muster up any holiday cheer because I didn’t see the 6ABCBTDP. It was pretty messed up.

Perhaps it’s because my family has always been a 6 ABC family. For years, my Grandmom was Gardner-Jennings-number-Jeopardy. Like clockwork. You could count on that combination every weeknight when she was over. A few years ago, we lost her… she switched over to Mendte on CBS 3, until everyone found out that he was a crazed stalker. I think she’s back to Gardner now, but I’m not sure. It was a dark time, so we don’t talk about it much. But she never misses the number (even though I tell her she can just Google it!), and I know she’ll be watching 6ABCBTDP in a few weeks. She wouldn’t miss that shit.

My fiancée, the love of my life, however, knowing her words and actions with regard to this manner cut deep, posted this on my Facebook wall yesterday:

Voila_Capture470She might as well have vacationed with an ex and tagged me in the photos.

We’re at an impasse. She’s not budging. We’ve talked about it– she’s from a Macy’s family, I’m from a Boscov’s family. I mean, I’m right and she’s wrong… but she’s not moving off it.

What do we do? Do we bring two TVs downstairs every year? Do we spend Thanksgiving at different houses? Do we call off the wedding? I’m not submitting to that national, corporatized bullshit parade. I’m watching the 6ABCBTDP one way or another, engaged, married or single.

Has anyone else ever dealt with a problem like this? Did you marry into a Poconos-over-the-Shore family? Does your brother-in-law stream WFAN at work? Does your wife rip away the one true thing that brings out your holiday spirit? I need advice, and I need it now.

*Yeah, I know Boscov’s doesn’t sponsor it anymore. The Wikipedia page – IT HAS A WIKIPEDIA PAGE – tells me it’s been Ikea and, now, Dunkin’ Donuts. But it’ll always be Boscov’s to me. The 6 ABC Boscov’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.


34 Responses

  1. That’s because the Philly parade absolutely sucks in comparison to the Macy’s Parade. Listen to her, she’s right on this one.

  2. 1.) I don’t watch parades because uhh, you guessed it. Unless the involve a Stanley Cup, Lombardi Trophy, or Commissioner’s trophy, they are fucking lame as shit.

    2.) Mummers are embarrassing trash and the reason Phila fans have a bad rap. Many of them are also likely Pedophiles.

    3.) Thanksgiving is about football without pads food, not Big Bird and drunk leprechauns in a head dress.

  3. If she is cool with video games and sports then who cares about a lame parade. Sports and video games, bro, they are all that count.

  4. You gotta do what I do, dvr them both. There is so much down time that you can watch both of them during breaks and still finish both by noon.

  5. Leave her to her vices, but you get the kids. Call them the first 5 for 5’s. Eagles, Flyers, Phillies, Sixers, and 6ABCBTDP.

  6. I’m a Philadelphian 100% true, but I’ll admit – the Macy’s Parade is better than Philly’s version. Both have too much singing & dancing for my tastes but if you can find it in you to watch the Cowboys play every Thanksgiving you should be able to watch the Macy’s parade. You can always flip back to Philly on the commercials or invest in a picture-in-picture TV…..

    1. Give him a break! Just had a camera stuck up his ass yesterday!

  7. I am not sure what is more disturbing- you having a fiancé or your need to spend so much time writing about a f’n parade.

    Reach down between your legs, grab your nads and then plan to go play some turkey ball on thanksgiving in the hopes that you will get tackled and have some sense knocked into you.

  8. There are only two parades that Americans, as a whole, care about: Macy’s Thanksgiving and the Tournament of Roses. The rest is second-class.

    But really, KSL, let your fiancé have this one. And get used to losing.

  9. You should go to Columbus circle fuckface…Macy’s parade kicks ass. There’s also the christmas village at the corner of the park and the rock, not to mention, all the bars are OPEN!!! Chicks dig that shit, she may lick your candy cane.

  10. Fuck everything about New York, stick to your guns Kyle.

    Don’t you have an office? Spend Thanksgiving morning by yourself, locked in an office, drinking Mad Elf, watching a parade. That doesn’t sound lonely and embarrassing at all!

  11. Shouldn’t she be in the kitchen cooking dinner or making you a sandwich…hence, too busy to watch any parade?

  12. Why hide your fiance’s last name bro? With the Internet…it’s pretty obvious. By the way…she’s hot. Even a guy like you can get a hot one. Long live Kyle. Leader of the sports bloggers in Philly with hot chicks. Only in America. (Message hidden.)

  13. Really? who gives a shit, im a 40 year old who still drinks beer in the woods before the Turkey Bowl

  14. The Macy parade is better than any other parade including Philadelphia. I usually don’t watch either one though because I hate fucking parades unless it is for the Phillies!

  15. I lived in NYC for a decade and Philly/Philly area for the rest of the time. Ranking of parades:

    1. Mummer’s Parade
    2. NYC West Village Halloween Parade
    3. Philly Thanksgiving Day Parade

    Nothing else is worth the time.

  16. Kyle just be Thankful that she doesnt want you to go to the Macy’s parade. I did that a few years back…..stayed on 40 somethiing St…..we could look down on all the floats and balloon cartoon shit….and did i mention that it was ZERO FUCKING DEGREES ??????
    best part was when the neighborhood residents showed up at the last minute on the side streets and stood on chairs and step ladders and blocked the tourists view.
    If you think this International Parade summit is a deal breaker ?

    You bought the ticket…..take the ride.

  17. They actually air the Philly parade on the ABC affiliate down here in DC. The Philly parade sucks, let’s be honest. Macy’s owns it. My wife swears by the Macy’s parade, but I couldn’t care less about either

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