Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”: Douchebag Ryan Lochte Hurt His Douchebag Knee While Doing Douchebag Thing

File photo: TMZ

One day, Aesop is going to write a fable about this: Ein un so-so Olympian covets hintself and thine female form in a spectacle of self-indulgery and hubris, and uses hith socialical placeturn to engage en actions of lust, greed and deboouuchairy. Hith great undoing shalt not be thy water pit, but unstead, thine very form he covets whoth.*

Ryan Lochte injured ACL and MCL catching a teenage girl in Florida:

The three-time Olympian suffered a torn MCL and sprained ACL in his left knee on Sunday while he was in Florida.

The five-time gold medalist encountered an excited fan, who ran at him. Lochte caught the teenage girl, but the two toppled over in the process, his representative confirmed.

Lochte hit his knee on the curb, while the girl was unharmed.

“As a result of a freak injury caused by an unexpected fan encounter, Ryan has suffered a torn MCL and an ACL sprain and will be taking a break from training and competition,” said a statement released by his publicist. “His medical team expects him to make a full and speedy recovery and Ryan thanks everyone for their well wishes.”

Let this be a lesson, kids: don’t be a douchebagJeah!

*Apparently Aesop is German now.


5 Responses

  1. I did the same thing to my knee but I was banging a girl doggy style. Most painful sex I’ve ever had.

  2. I fail to see how catching a girl jumping into his arms is a douchebag thing to do. Actually claiming it was a douchebag thing to do is more douchebaggery than anything to do with the story or Lochte. Did this guy bang your GF or something son?

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