Voila_Capture1023Jonathan Papelbon.

Delmon Young.

Marlon Byrd.

Roberto Hernandez Fausto Carmona.

Chad Gaudin.

One can argue that Ruben Amaro began selling his soul to lesser powers when he signed known hothead and potentially disruptive clubhouse personality (a DCP, for short) Jonathan Papelbon in 2011. And then when he acquired Jew-hater Delmon Young last offseason, it became apparent that the Phillies, who for years under Charlie Manuel had been comprised of character guys, were no longer as interested in that sort of thing.

And then they signed PED-user Byrd.

And then they signed Hernandez, who falsified his identity and lied about this age.

And now Gaudin (to a minor league deal), who was… well… read on.

I present to you this article from the Las Vegas Review-Journal, July, 2013 [I bolded the weird parts, which presumably Gaudin would like to touch]:

San Francisco Giants pitcher Chad Gaudin has been charged with lewdness after police say he touched the breast of a woman on a gurney at a Las Vegas hospital earlier this year.

Gaudin, 30, was arrested by Las Vegas police on Jan. 27, but the arrest was not publicized. The Clark County District Attorney’s office charged Gaudin with open and gross lewdness, a gross misdemeanor, earlier this month.

According to police, Gaudin was drunk about 4:30 a.m. when he approached a 23-year-old woman on a gurney at Desert Springs Hospital, three miles east of the Las Vegas Strip.

The woman told police she was lying on a gurney in the emergency room lobby when Gaudin appeared, told her “she was gorgeous” and touched her face and breast, she said.

A witness heard Gaudin say, “I will take care of you, don’t worry about them,” to the woman and then saw him touch her face, leg and breast, according to a police report.

A paramedic also saw the incident and told Gaudin to stay away from the woman, but he refused. Hospital security held him down until police arrived.

“Gaudin was still yelling and using profanity,” when police arrived, the arresting officer wrote in his report.

“I asked Gaudin several times how he ended up at the hospital and each time he told me that he didn’t know,” the officer wrote. “Gaudin appeared to be intoxicated. He had slurred speech, bloodshot eyes, trouble standing still, obeying commands, an odor of alcoholic beverages and couldn’t repeat his house number, where he lives, the same way twice in a row.”

That’s a whole new level of creepy:


Gaudin’s lawyer would later release a statement defending his client:

On January 27, 2013, Chad Gaudin was examined in the emergency room of a local hospital while experiencing symptoms believed to be related to acute renal failure due to a condition known as rhabdomyolysis. The symptoms included confusion, dehydration and loss of orientation and/or consciousness. Although he has been accused of improperly touching another hospital patient while on the premises that night, there are differing and exonerating versions of what occurred that have been reported by eye witnesses. Mr. Gaudin denies any unlawful conduct and has been cooperating with the authorities. I am confident that this matter will be resolved in his favor and because it is pending in court there will be no further comment.

Not sure how there’s more than one version of that. Well, he told her he was a doctor, and he thought he was… because he was so drunk… so she didn’t put up a fight. At least initially. 

I get being all revved up when you’re drunk and shitfaced, when boobies can take on a mystical quality, but stumbling into a hospital to find an incapacitated victim in loose garb is a level of entitled and creepy lust that is just concerning. And that sort of thing should probably make you, baseball GM, steer clear of such a person. That, or a career 4.44 ERA and 1.48 WHIP.

Oh I miss the days of Jamie Moyer and Brad Lidge.

UPDATE: There should be a strict policy against signing Chads. Durbin, Qualls, and now, Gaudin. Last effective one I can remember is Hanging, when he won Bush the Presidency. Thanks, I’m here all week.