Cohle Theorizes About Baseball

Kyle Scott - February 27, 2014

Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-34-57_PM
What if Rustin Cohle was a sabermetrics evangelist? First of all, he wouldn’t be a SABR evangelist because he fucking hates religion, imagined or otherwise. But if he was… he’d say things like what the folks over at Old Time Family Baseball put together:

On how to call a fly ball

Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-33-37_PM

On pitcher wins

Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-34-18_PM

Go check out the rest.

By the way, here’s my True Detective theory… after the jump so as to not spoil you.

Hart’s in on it. My buddy has now watched the first six episodes three times (twice this week!) and has been texting me all of his ridiculous theories, forcing me go back and look for clues. And that’s why there were no blog posts Tuesday afternoon– I was re-watching True Detective. I’ve thought it was Hart all along. Cohle’s always been the one pushing the investigation. Hart always tries to downplay the meaning behind it all. Hart has a temper which we’ve seen. Hart says weird shit about needing releases before going home to his family (and I don’t think he’s talking about Alexandra Daddario and her massive, spectacular mammaries). He has a weird obsession with butt sex– mentions finger up ass, eats Daddario’s ass, next girl says she’ll do butt sex, and he made a very obvious shocker after talking about having sex with his wife:

Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-05-46_PM

One too many butt references for the obsession to have come from some night in college. He was raped by the cult as a kid.

Audrey has a Barbie dolls in dirty situations and draws people having sex– someone opened her up to that. Hart shot Ledoux for no real season. In the first episode he mysteriously gets files from a judge (in on it, obviously) that are only for his eyes. Talks about it being right under your nose. That’s the show. It’s been him the whole time. We’re watching for other things and distracted by Cohle’s insane phrases, but he’s the True Detective. He’s been sent there to investigate this thing. Anyone and everyone is a suspect, Hart include. Cohle’s not a drunk. It’s an act. Just like when he took drugs for the bike gang. He’s undercover, even with Hart. He didn’t spend a year in Paris just to get drunk in front of Notre Dame. He spent a year in Paris investigating this international sex ring, getting drunk in front of Notre Dame because the job required it. Hart is freaked out by Cohle because he knows he’s a good interrogator. Cohle’s never taken more than two minutes to know if someone was guilty, right? He’s had years with Hart. He’s been working him since 95. That’s why Cohle doesn’t drink around Hart, lives in a shitty apartment and doesn’t date– he’s working. The whole time. And even now. Watch the episodes through the lens that Hart is in on it, you’ll see a whole different show.

Oh, and:

Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-37-10_PM
Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-37-22_PM

via The Big Lead


  • MPP February 27, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    That chicks rack is nice. She was in the new texas chainsaw and I kept waiting for a tit to fall out and it never happend

  • Spaghetti Brace February 27, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    Harts daughter was killed by the killer.

    • Budweiser February 27, 2014 at 11:04 pm


  • Don February 27, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    The scene with hart’s inlaws raised a lot of questions. including hart’s comment that “o this stuff didn’t happen when I was young, and Hart jumping back like O yeah, sure”. Clearly, Hart’s wife and the kids know something and saw something, but I doubt Hart is the one who is the killer. He may have been abused or just love ass play. Hart and Cohle will figure it out and I expect the father-in-law to be involved.

  • Yup February 27, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    The one reason I love the show is bc my wife is a birdbrain and can’t follow it. So I can hAve a drink and watch it in peace

  • step 3: make her open the box February 27, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    You losers do realize that 99.99999% of the people reading this have no idea what this is or what any of you are talking about, right?

    • FREE KWAME!!! February 27, 2014 at 7:37 pm

      I know, right? It’s too bad we have decent enough jobs to be able to afford HBO. Seriously though bro, at the golf outing, I’m sure you could talk to me for hours about the latest Pokeman series, or about your collection of My Little Pony figures. I feel you man, I feel you.

  • The Other Davis February 27, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    I know three people who watch the show regularly (besides me) and they all have variations on this “Woody did it” theory, so it therefore can’t possibly be true. I am open to all things and look forward to being surprised but I’m actually less optimistic than I was a few episodes ago. I think it will devolve into my least favorite movie cliche: the corrupt preacher/policeman/politician/other-authority-figure. If it ends up being Tuttle or that white-haired bitch cop, I’m gonna hit someone in Hollywood.

  • Nobody from the burbs February 27, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    I support this theory 100%. It has truly taken all of the episodes until now, for me to finally be interested in this show. Seems so drawn out.

    I know who the killer is,

    1. Frequent conversations about ass play
    2. Did someone say Assplay.

    It is Mikey Miss’ email stalker.

  • Dr cock n balls February 27, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    I dont think Marty is involved. It’s too obvious and probably all red herrings. Maggie and her father are definitely involved though. The detectives curse: it’s right under your nose. It’s his wife and father in law.

  • Whl February 27, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    The bleacher report just tweeted about this post

  • Mark February 27, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    I also think it’ll end up being Maggie’s father somehow. Michelle Monaghan (who plays Maggie and was fantastic in that seduction/revenge scene with Cohle) did an interview in which she said her character’s family (including her daughters and father) will have prominent roles in the final two episodes. But just like The Other Davis said, I will be sorely disappointed if it ends up being the obvious cliche Tuttle as the perpetrator. What I DO know is that this is hands-down the best show on television right now. It’s going to be extremely difficult to find two actors/actresses to replicate the chemistry that Harrelson and McConaughy have together for Season 2.

  • Chewychomp February 27, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Their names have to do with it as well, somehow. Rust cohle: red black. Martin hart: weasel stag (deer). Maggie, a play on magdalene.

    My theory is that the show broke the 4th wall. Cohle knows we’re watching him. When he talks about time being pressed into a flat circle, it looks like a disc. Like a DVD, bluray. Every time he’s talking to the other detectives in the present, he’s really speaking to us. And he’s forced to relive the same events every single time. He talks about repeating the same mistakes over and over. Only he remembers how it plays out every time, with an unerring series of events that lead to the same conclusion.

    I don’t understand what the red arrows are pointing to.

    Ps- I want the big hug mug.

  • Chewychomp February 27, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    Oh, and I dot think it will be Tuttle. It’s mentioned a few times how he OD’ed when he found out rust was back in the state in 2002.

  • Stephie February 27, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    The girl who brought the files was Lisa with the nice boobies. I think she was just there to see Marty.

  • True Detective February 27, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    The arrows are pointing at the fact that the picture on the wall is the same as the painted wall in the other scene.

  • Chewychomp February 27, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    Thanks true detective. I was looking too closely there. I thought the arrow for the wall was to that particular area, not the entire thing. So, thank you!

  • Chewychomp February 27, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Also, cohle drinks plenty around hart. (Jesus the flyers are shitting the bed tonight). First episode he shows up wasted. Then before they go undercover for the bike gang they kill a bottle of Jameson. Just to name two instances.

  • The Other Davis February 27, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    If they want a truly non-cliched, shock ending, have Cole actually find religion after all this.

  • Reggie Ladeux February 27, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Jim Eisenreich should have shook them all down. Get it

  • Al Tru February 27, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    Woody Harrelson’s father killed a judge and was in Dallas the day JFK was shot.

    Tuttle knows the Yellow King……but remember the line “They all had masks on” ?

    Time to bring in Louis Freeh.

  • The Other Davis February 27, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    Why does Cohle always have a cross on his aparent wall in contrast to what he always says. And why do many of his publicity shots show him in that abandoned church juxtaposed against that cross? Torture? Antagonism against the church? Or a hint to a change?

  • Budweiser February 27, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    Kyle and his buddy couldn’t be more wrong. Hart is not the killer. I could go on point by point but it will be a waste if time come Sunday. I will say one thing. I love anal sex and I sure as hell wasn’t raped or molested as a kid.

  • Al Tru February 27, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Who made that phone call from the phone booth ?

    Tried to throw us off with Cohle telling that woman to kill herself.

  • The Other Davis February 27, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    My actual Best Working Theory is that it’s the black detectives. We’ve assumed that they’ve been interviewing The Boys while The Boys have been undercover working over the black detectives. Shazam!

  • step 3: make her open the box February 27, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    No, no. You’re all wrong. It’s Colonel Mustard in The Study with a wrench.

    • The Other Other Davis February 27, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      Ah! The obligatory Clue joke. Thank you.

    • step 3: make her open the box February 28, 2014 at 8:55 am

      Stop using my name, troll. This is why all the good commenters left this site (Candy, Edward, 3 fingers). not that this was a bad comment, but seriously.

  • Everyone is overthinking this....its only TV February 28, 2014 at 1:54 am

    Too many cast crossovers from The Wire. Omar is the killer. Back from the dead. Ya feel me?

    • 2014=1993 February 28, 2014 at 10:51 am

      Bodie was a soldier, dam right

  • Yao Ming is the Yellow King February 28, 2014 at 2:17 am

    I do think Kyle is onto something, although the teaser for this week’s episode seems to intimate that Audrey might be a victim of this cult and/or killer. One thing I can’t get out of my head: what to make of the glimpse of the fire in the woods from the opening scene of episode 1? Is that Carcosa? Also, what to make of the stammerings from Ledoux while Cohle was waiting for Marty to emerge from inside before he shot him? That can’t be inocuous jibberish. The brief exchange between Cohle and Ledoux had a vibe to it similar to the ending of Se7en. Just saying. It was tooooo weird to be nothing. Whatever happens, if the ending of this series lives up to the buildup, it instantly becomes a television masterpiece, and I feel like HBO snagging this cast from the outset has to mean there’s a brilliant conclusion. Here’s hoping. Oh and screw Pavelski.

    • Budweiser February 28, 2014 at 8:06 am

      I’d be shocked if the video Hart is viewing is of his daughter. The fire was set so Dora Lange’s body would be found.

  • Tits Maghee February 28, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Cohle is the killer.

  • MM February 28, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Killers tall so we have not seen him yet. Cohle is undercover for the feds. Maggie’s dad is in on it as well as the white haired statie and the 2 black detectives are actually trying to flush Marty out because they think he knows something about his father in law and for sure that lawnmower dude is the green eared spachetti monster…fo sho How tall is the governor?

    • Budweiser February 28, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      According to IMDB, Maggie’s dad will not be back. The lawn mower dude is in the last two episodes. There is an older guy who hasn’t been see yet that is 6’4″.

      • MM February 28, 2014 at 1:24 pm

        That’s some nice detective work on your part king of beers, well done.

  • Marty likes racks February 28, 2014 at 4:13 pm


    Marty got those files from the court room stenographer he was banging. There’s nothing else going on other than that. You could tell Marty got all excited because he was gonna go rail in the conference room. Your other theories seem sound though.

  • Budweiser March 3, 2014 at 12:38 am


  • Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * is owned and operated by CB Sports LLC and a partner of USA Today Sports Digital Properties