Voila_Capture 2014-02-27_04-34-57_PMWhat if Rustin Cohle was a sabermetrics evangelist? First of all, he wouldn’t be a SABR evangelist because he fucking hates religion, imagined or otherwise. But if he was… he’d say things like what the folks over at Old Time Family Baseball put together:

On how to call a fly ball

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On pitcher wins

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Go check out the rest.

By the way, here’s my True Detective theory… after the jump so as to not spoil you.

Hart’s in on it. My buddy has now watched the first six episodes three times (twice this week!) and has been texting me all of his ridiculous theories, forcing me go back and look for clues. And that’s why there were no blog posts Tuesday afternoon– I was re-watching True Detective. I’ve thought it was Hart all along. Cohle’s always been the one pushing the investigation. Hart always tries to downplay the meaning behind it all. Hart has a temper which we’ve seen. Hart says weird shit about needing releases before going home to his family (and I don’t think he’s talking about Alexandra Daddario and her massive, spectacular mammaries). He has a weird obsession with butt sex– mentions finger up ass, eats Daddario’s ass, next girl says she’ll do butt sex, and he made a very obvious shocker after talking about having sex with his wife:

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One too many butt references for the obsession to have come from some night in college. He was raped by the cult as a kid.

Audrey has a Barbie dolls in dirty situations and draws people having sex– someone opened her up to that. Hart shot Ledoux for no real season. In the first episode he mysteriously gets files from a judge (in on it, obviously) that are only for his eyes. Talks about it being right under your nose. That’s the show. It’s been him the whole time. We’re watching for other things and distracted by Cohle’s insane phrases, but he’s the True Detective. He’s been sent there to investigate this thing. Anyone and everyone is a suspect, Hart include. Cohle’s not a drunk. It’s an act. Just like when he took drugs for the bike gang. He’s undercover, even with Hart. He didn’t spend a year in Paris just to get drunk in front of Notre Dame. He spent a year in Paris investigating this international sex ring, getting drunk in front of Notre Dame because the job required it. Hart is freaked out by Cohle because he knows he’s a good interrogator. Cohle’s never taken more than two minutes to know if someone was guilty, right? He’s had years with Hart. He’s been working him since 95. That’s why Cohle doesn’t drink around Hart, lives in a shitty apartment and doesn’t date– he’s working. The whole time. And even now. Watch the episodes through the lens that Hart is in on it, you’ll see a whole different show.

Oh, and:

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via The Big Lead