Rumor: Putin’s Bendy Girlfriend May Light Olympic Torch

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You can almost feel the lust in his eyes here

It seems there’s not much to this, but media outlets are running with it, so let’s do the same. From some Australian news outlet that is fueling online speculation:

Speculation has gripped the Russian internet in the last weeks that the flame-lighter would be 2004 Olympic rhythmic gymnastics champion Alina Kabayeva who has long been rumoured to be Putin’s lover.

“I’m aware of this (the speculation), I was told of this by (Kremlin spokesman) Dmitry Peskov. These are the usual red herrings,” Mr Putin said while touring a nature reserve above Sochi.

“We have many outstanding sportspeople who are significant and known in the whole world and I am not going to interfere in this process,” he said in comments broadcast on state television.

The person – to be chosen by the Sochi organising committee – is widely expected to be a successful Russian sports star of international fame.

You gotta hand it to Putin– he doesn’t give one half of a fuck what you think. Terrorists? Ring of Steel. Are we watching you shower? Damn straight. Those dogs? Killing them. Gays? Get lost, fairies.* Dissenters? Shot. Facilities? You’ll sleep on a 40-inch mattress and like it.

And now his girlfriend, who’s not officially his girlfriend, may light the Olympic flame in front of the whole world. And… can you blame him?

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OK, she sort of looks like Savannah Guthrie here. If only Guthrie could do this, the Today show would be back on top.

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That red ball… it has seen things

What’s that, honey? You want light torch? Papa Putin pull string. Now do bendy thing like on TV. Vlad make you wife.

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We’ll keep you updated on the Opening Ceremony. But even if Alina no light torch, at least we can all take solace in turning back the clock to Cold War days the next couple weeks:

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*Very important to note that paragraph is written in Putin voice.

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17 Responses

    1. there are two things i cannot help but notice in this picture. first and most obvious, she is smoking hott! what a fine piece of russian beauty. secondly, this guy is so the KGB of post Y2K. when i manage to take my eyes off her body, i cant help but notice the fear in the guy standing at the table. its a combination of subservient and i just shit myself. putin has come to show that a commie state is alive and well in mother russia!

  1. I would ravage her – in every definition of the word
    – cause severe and extensive damage to.

    synonyms:

    lay waste, devastate, ruin, destroy, wreak havoc on, leave desolate;
    pillage, plunder, despoil, ransack, sack, loot, rape

  2. I’ve been trying to keep an open mind regarding “western media” putting a spin on some of these stories, but there’s just too much craziness to not laugh at. Even if HALF of this shit going on in Sochi is accurate, it’s still a fucking nightmare.

    Russia is nuts.

  3. You gotta love it when a Philly sports blogger runs with an Australian news outlet’s rumor at the Russian Olympics.

  4. Looks like father Russia paid for some “capital improvements” for her. Teeth – not nearly as equine-like anymore. Rack – Much fuller. Great success !!

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