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Move over, Susan Finkelstein, here’s a 34/m/burbs Phillies fan looking to trade infield seats for his companionship and, presumably, sexuals:

I have SEASON Phils Tickets and I am looking for a fun, hot, sexy girl to come to games and help cheer them on. I am a few rows off the infield with a great view. If you are interested in some fun Phils games and maybe fun afterwards or just want tickets please respond. Put your favorite Phillie in the subject line and include a picture. What would you do for games anytime you want to go ?

I’m not sure where the enticing offer is here. He wants you to sleep with him and go to Phillies games? I mean, sure, maybe he’s 34, athletic and sexy and looks like Cliff Lee, but… who wants to go to Phillies games this year?

And put your favorite Phillie in the subject line? What does that have to do with anything? Like he’s going to turn down a perfect 10 because she put Marlon Byrd.

Side note: Is this even legal? Is it even real? So many questions.

H/T to the guy who hates me