Voila_Capture 2014-03-12_01-17-15_PMMeet Bryan Braman. A man of size. A man of speed. A man of alliteration. And, apparently, a shrooms guy.

Braman agreed to a two-year deal with the Eagles reportedly worth about $3.15 million. He’s a Pro Bowl(-alternate) special teams guy who can play linebacker. He’s also kind of nuts.

From the Houston Chronicle, 2011, via Philly Mag:

Before general manager Rick Smith offered him a contract, Braman, 24, worked for Abercrombie & Fitch* in Los Angeles, modeled, attended some casting calls, got kicked out of West Texas A&M for manufacturing psilocybin (a hallucinogen) and worked as a bouncer in Amarillo and College Station.

Braman, who said he gets his size from a 7-4, 460-pound grandfather and disclosed that he keeps his dreadlocks that were cut by teammates at West Texas in a plastic bag, was fortunate that two people believed in him.

Braman worked as a bouncer during the NFL lockout and hoped a team would call. In June, he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor possession of psilocybe mushrooms. He paid a $2,000 fine. Thirty days later, the prosecutor terminated the one-year probation, and his case was dismissed.

But sometimes nuts is good (although manufacturing a naturally occurring species is questionable). As pointed out by Smitty over at Barstool, Braman doesn’t mind helmet-to-helmet hits… without a helmet:


Yeah, he’ll fit in just fine here.

There’s also his hair, which should rival and perhaps surpass Riley Cooper’s:

Actually, go read Eliot Shorr-Parks’ 10 reasons why Braman will be your new favorite Eagle.

*Found out last year that Ms. CB used to date someone who stood shirtless in the doorway of Abercrombie. I had three thoughts: 1) Should Ms. CB really become Mrs.? 2) I now feel terribly inadequate. 3) Can I punch him in the fucking face? UPDATE: She tells me he didn’t stand shirtless. He was a manager. Cool beans.