Voila_Capture 2014-03-12_05-15-12_PMFlyers press release from essentially any of the last four decades:

The Philadelphia Flyers will memorialize legendary hall of fame coach Fred Shero, who led two Flyers teams to Stanley Cup Championships (1974 and 1975), with an eight-foot tall, 1300-pound bronze statue at XFINITY Live! The statue will be unveiled as part of a free, open-to-the-public celebration in front of the Spectrum Grill at XFINITY Live! on Saturday, March 15 at 11 a.m.

“Fred Shero was a great coach,” said Philadelphia Flyers Chairman Ed Snider. “He is the only Flyers coach to win a cup, and he won two! And no one will ever forget how he out coached the Russians. He took the players Keith Allen put together and used them perfectly, and was largely responsible for the legend of the ‘Broad Street Bullies.’ In my opinion, Freddie and the team were made for one another. This statue is a fitting tribute to one of the greatest members of the Flyers family of all time.”

It’s like they’re trying to milk a 40-year-old cow that can’t produce milk anymore (if it’s not dead– do cows even live to 40?). Poor Betsy. Her udders are wilted and chafed from years of tugging. They hang low and drag across the rocks when she leaves her stall, which is why she rarely grazes anymore. She’s just waiting to die, really. But every few months, as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow, Annie, Old Man Snider comes along with a bucket and a defeated stance looking to pump what’s left from Betsy’s sagging teats. He yanks and yanks and yanks (well, his assistant does), but nothing. Not a drop of liquid. Just a god awful chalky white residue that makes a hollow puffing noise when it comes out. Like a poorly maintained custard machine. Fahhhhhhhhhhhcchhh. It hurts Betsy. Moooooooooo! Moooooooooooooooo! It hurts her a lot. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But she just stands there and takes it so a few dozen Flyers Fan Club members who bought tickets to watch her suffer can get their jollies.

Actually, maybe it’s all for good reason. Because celebrating the recent past ain’t anything to write home about either, mate!

Voila_Capture 2014-03-12_04-53-00_PM