Your Miserable Phillies Update

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Looks like a run!

Consider this post your daily dose of liquid antibiotic– it’s necessary but will taste real bad.


Cole Hamels

He’s not dead. He threw a bullpen today, according to the beats. He hurled a whopping 20 pitches and is still in early spring training mode… but he “feels really good” and his arm is still intact. So that’s relatively good news.


Jimmy Rollins

Ryan Lawrence of the Daily News points out that Rollins wasn’t in the lineup yesterday, isn’t in the lineup today and won’t be in the lineup tomorrow (already posted). If you’re good at math, you’ll note that is three straight days out of the lineup for a guy who is 0-12 this spring and apparently not worried about it. Hmm.


Kevin Frandsen

Easily the most sensitive Phillie, though I think this was a mostly good-natured exchange with Phillies beat writer Matt Gelb:

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And finally, yesterday:

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Phillies. Yeah!

Phils Opening Day tix have hit their lowest point yet, starting at $28. Browse all options here.



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  • Da Cuz March 12, 2014 at 10:27 am

    I plan on cancelling cable once the Hockey season is over..F this team

  • Informed March 12, 2014 at 10:42 am

    at the start of ST, i thought this team could win 85. i was being very hopeful at the time, but now that i reflect on it, i think i was merely fucked in the head! there are just to many IFs, which means this team is probably look at 75 wins at best. when is the first open practice at the linc again?

  • Carmen Sandiego March 12, 2014 at 10:47 am


    It might hit 70 today, getting the itch to get out there a smack the ball around on the links.

    You should make some collared shirts for the golf tournament.


  • ThePhillyFlash March 12, 2014 at 10:57 am

    I’m done with local scribes telling me spring training stats are meaningless while our moronic ex-governor and fanboy buttmunch Ed Rendell rants that we shouldn’t go “Negadelphia” on the Phillies before the season even starts. Sorry, Ed, but I’m already there. This team is flat out horrific, the simple truth is that the garbage we’re seeing right now is more than likely going to come north at the end of the month, leading to a train wreck of a season. As things stand right now, 75 wins for this kennel of mutts is looking optimistic while a .500 finish would be nothing short of miraculous.

    • Rendell Is A Piece Of Shit March 12, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      Why’d you have to mention Rendell.. every time I accidentally see his decrepit ass on TV talking about sports I picture him rubbing his dick under the table with a silky glove made of child face skin given to him by the natural gas companies so they could destroy half of our state. Fucking hate that fraud POS.

  • Whis Creeler March 12, 2014 at 11:03 am

    What’s the name that is crossed out under “switch” hitter? Who the hell is that? Are we finding guys in the parking lot now?

    6 out of the 9 guys in the lineup today are hitting .200 or less. They must be tired, huh?

    And, every time I see a lineup card like this, I think of the story a baseball writer friend of mine told me. He said it took Uncle Cholly over two-and-a-half years to stop spelling Utley on his daily lineup card as “UTTLEY.”

  • Djh March 12, 2014 at 11:14 am

    New bolg: I Want To Go To Epcot With Kevin Fransden

  • Jay Grace March 12, 2014 at 11:20 am

    Going to be a long summer. At least I can look forward to the phils & Jamie Moyer helping me out with my hangover naps on Sundays

  • Drew S March 12, 2014 at 11:56 am

    CBP will be full because where else can you 4 and 5 years olds to buy food, souvenirs
    and be entertained by The Phanatic. Think of CBP as a theme park. How many people who go to the game actually care about game. Most of them are on their cellphones texting and tweeting, standing in line buying beers or at bathrooms. Sure you have your hard core fans but probably 75% of people who go to the park only casually care about baseball. Compare to the Linc. Many fans go to just tailgate and drink but you can be sure the majority are concerned over the game. It’s a huge deal whether the Eagles win or lose.
    I remember going to Connie Mack Stadium. You had to be a real baseball fan to go to that shitty park in a bad neighborhood. I loved it but it that was from an era where most of the fans sat around with scorecards and really cared about baseball

    • Maxie March 12, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      Maybe they can start installing rides for the kids too, and a merry go round ala McDonald’s, LOL. This nightmare is not getting any better once the season starts – the Phillies hitting has been an increasing problem since they won the World Series and it was never really addressed besides getting has beens like Thome and Abreau. And seriously, does John Mayberry have pictures of Ruben boinking little girls or Dave Montgomery? Ruben’s continual praise towards this loser is a big part of the problem.

    • Bo Bo March 12, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      In all fairness, that Phanatic playground is pretty fun for the kids. Nothing like spending half the game in that piss smelling area watching the game on a 12″ black and white tv outside the fence drinking $10 beers while your children are somewhere in there beating the shit out of each other. Is it summer yet??

    • Senior Citizens Bank Park March 12, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      And in 1970, the last year, there were less than 3,000 at any game until the final one on Oct 1st when a sellout crowd showed up to tear the joint down.

  • Skippy March 12, 2014 at 11:58 am

    The Phillies are like thank goodness NFL free agency is here,so it will keep the masses distracted from us and how much we suck.

  • J-Roll, Lazy Shit #1 March 12, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Way to go J-Roll.

    I’m interested in hearing everyone’s predictions on when this season Rollins will be pulled out of a game for slacking off. If they shit the bed hard right out of the gate (which is looking more and more likely) I say Jimmy unabashedly quits by mid June.

  • '93 All Over Again! March 12, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Where are the two dumb cunts, Drunk Philly Fan and CM, who kept preaching that they smelled a ’93esque Phillies team coming out of nowhere this season? I assume they are too busy sucking each other’s dicks to come back and share their continued optimism.

  • Oh the Humanity March 12, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    How early is too early to put a brown paper bag on your head?

    At least expectations are bottoming out.

  • K Shaw March 12, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Bring on the free tickets in the hot dog packages!!

    • Juniata Ray March 12, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      So True!!!! LOL. I am sure they have put in the order in the last week or so, but will likely hit the shelfs middle of June when Phils are already 18 games out of 1st.

  • roger March 12, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    phils hitting the shit out of the ball today, coincidentally. let’s hope it’s the start of something

    • Awesomeness March 12, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      It’s the start of fatigue from old men playing sports, keep an eye out for a Geritol sponsorship


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