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This is where things are at with the Phillies– our once great future Hall of Fame ace is retired and tweeting about doing flyovers at Opening Day and of his successor’s rehab starts in single-A.

Is anyone else concerned that Roy’s apparent obsession with flying won’t end well? Athletes and planes scare me. Their egos are too big for a craft that requires you to defer to nature’s greatest rarities and Murphy’s Law.

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Side note 1: Roy dropping ZWR (Zoo With Roy) in Tweets like it’s nothing. It’s only a matter of time before he flies him to the zoo.

Side note 2: Park’n? DeSean wants his Twitter account back.


Photo credit: Jim Cowsert-USA TODAY Sports

Side note 3: Phils lose 3-2 in the ninth. Say hello to the 2014 Phillies bullpen. Mario Hollands (WHOM?) making his Major League debut in the ninth inning of a tie game. He’s relieved by B.J. Rosenberg, the sad-sackiest pitcher on Earth who looks like he cuts trees for a living. No, not the cool lumberjack who chops Redwoods in the forest, but the guy who comes to your house to trim your overgrown American hornbeam and then impales himself with a chain saw:

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This is what I’m going to think of every time I see B.J. Rosenberg now– a fat guy with a chainsaw stuck in his neck. He sucks!

This post has spiraled out of control. Let’s shut it down.