Is It Bad That I’m Still Disappointed the Eagles Didn’t Draft Johnny Manziel?

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Johnny Manziel and a homeless person demanded that the Cleveland Browns draft Johnny Manziel. From the

Browns quarterbacks coach Dowell Loggains said in a radio interview Thursday that a text from Johnny Manziel during the draft helped inspire owner Jimmy Haslam to trade up for him.

“We’re sitting there and they keep showing Johnny on T.V. and Johnny and I are texting  and he shoots me a text and he says, ‘I wish you guys would come get me. Hurry up and draft me because I want to be there. I want to wreck this league together.’

“When I got that text, I forwarded it to the owner and to the head coach (Mike Pettine),” Loggains said Thursday on Sports Talk with Bo Mattingly on Arkansas ESPN. “I’m like ‘this guy wants to be here. He wants to be part of it.’ As soon as that happened, Mr. Haslam said, ‘pull the trigger. We’re trading up to go get this guy.”’

I want to wreck this league together? Oh… oh…. ohhhhh! That’s pure sex.

This, this is why I was hyperventilating on draft night. Manziel was made for bloggers, wrapped in a blanket by Jesus himself and mailed to mothers’ basements everywhere. He texted the Browns and demanded they trade up to draft him* so he could make money signs in front of millions? Yes and please.

Look, little secret: My sports fandom and blogging interests are rarely at odds. It’s like betting on my own team. When Philly sports teams do well, the site does well. Game 7 between the Flyers and Rangers was all the more intense because a second round matchup with the Penguins would’ve been great for business. The interests are almost always aligned, so I sleep just fine. But the Eagles drafting Manziel? Probably a bad idea for the team… but a gift to everyone whose livelihood is at least in some way tied to talking, writing or thinking about local sports. I wanted so, so bad to write posts like this every morning about what ridiculous thing Manziel said or did. Cocky text messages. Drunken bar fights. Local weather and traffic girls. I wanted those things so bad. Instead, Manziel’s a Brown and in the media wasteland of Cleveland, and Nick Foles is about as bloggable as a pet rock**:

*They realize that this was the professional football equivalent of the 1:43 a.m. bar approach to a solid 6, right? Time was running out in the first round and if the Browns didn’t draft Johnny, he was going home alone.

**He already lost first round Madden 15 cover voting.


25 Responses

  1. I’m almost finished with my Johnny Manziel, Mike Trout erotic fanfiction piece. It’s going to be SO hot.

  2. is cleveland close to kay-cee? what does a first round draft pick make compared to a fifth rounder?

    (I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger… I’m just sayin’ she gravitates to dudes with money)

  3. Johnny Football would of been great for kyle’s brand.

    Calling violation on myself for using the word “brand”

  4. I only read the headline but Kyle you’re pretty much the biggest homo on Earth.

  5. I wish you’d call me cause id love to wreck dat azz together.

    /MM accepts to show how progressive and such not a homophobe he is

  6. I can’t wait until the NBA’s railroading of me forces legal discovery and I can show the world that Magic Johnson gave Michael Sam the AIDS. with his magic… johnson.

  7. Manziel is Tebow part deux. Thank god the Eagles didn’t waste a pick on him.

  8. Kyle,

    You could have other variations of this same pose – just replacing Manziel’s face with Dave Montgomery or Jeff Lurie.


  9. I can guarantee that Manziel sent that same text to at least 5 other teams and the Browns were the only team to bite.

  10. I just sold a case of these rags to the guy who washes windshields at the corner of Broad and Diamond.


  11. The only change I would suggest is replacing “JOHNNY” with “THE CLEVELAND STEAMER”.

  12. At least he’s extremely transparent about his now dead wish to profit off of Manziel’s likeness…

  13. Manziel share’s same Brown’s jersey number as Tim Couch. Wonder who’s career is longer?

    1. Jen, I know you are new here in Philly, but I’m pretty sure that what I’m about to say applies all over the country.

      “share’s” is a contraction of “share is”, which is not what I believe you wanted to say. It should just be “shares”, without the apostrophe.

      Likewise, the apostrophe indicating the possessive should be AFTER the “s” in Browns, since the team name is “Browns”, not “Brown”.

      I would have thought that, being a journalist (you are a journalist, are you not?), you would have learned this in school. But no matter, I’m here to help. That’s how I roll.

  14. Yes its bad. blog material or not, as a fan you should be ecstatic we dont have that turd on our team. Move on already, sick of hearing about how you wanted manziel.

  15. Why would you ever want Johnny Football on the Eagles????

    Manziel is such a DOUCHE!! He belongs in a Cowboy uniform.

  16. “I wanted so, so bad to write posts like this every morning about what ridiculous thing Manziel said or did.”

    No you didn’t, Kyle. You think you did. But what happens when Manziel gets chased out of town in two years and *runs Chip Kelly out with him?* (I’m being generous with two years and assuming Manziel doesn’t have a TO streak or a DUI fatality that ends his Eagle career in one year).

    What happens then is that the Eagles yiddish brain trust decides to *not* to hire the shit-talking college guy with the huge cock as their next head coach. They hire Kevin Gilbride, and you go back to answering phones for people with MBAs when your single annual November blog post on how awful the team is can’t pay the bills.

    You’re better off with Foles. Trust me. He may not be interesting but his winning allows everyone else to be.

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