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BREAKING: People Had Gross Sex in Sea Isle
By Kyle Scott
Published:
A young couple from Philadelphia had sex in the ocean in a Jersey Shore town while a crowd of onlookers formed, police said.
The couple — a 27-year-old male and a 23-year-old female, both from Philadelphia – were charged with Lewdness for their alleged roles in the shocking incident in Sea Isle City this past Sunday.
According to the Sea Isle City Police Department, summer officers observed the couple having sex in the ocean near 46th Street at about 4 p.m. Police say a crowd of onlookers began to form.
The officers instructed the couple to stop what they were doing and exit the water. An eyewitness told CBSPhilly it took the female a long time to exit the water because she had difficulty tying up her bikini bottom.
Shocking incident? First of all, this is a dog-bites-man thing. If the ocean in Sea Isle City had sex on two people, that might be shocking. This isn’t. These people are from Philly, sure, but having sex in or around the ocean in Sea Isle is basically a right of passage for anyone who grew up below Baltimore Pike in Delco. I imagine the Sea Isle City ocean regales other oceans with tales about how much sex people from Lower Delco have had in it. Children who grew up summering in Sea Isle remember the sand, the sun, and the silhouetted specks bobbing up and down “out in the deep water where Daddy said I should never go.” This is a common occurrence. And yet these people were arrested and charged?! They should’ve been given their sticky star and Jeff Carter Certificate of Achievement good for one hour of $0.50 Bud Lights and $0.75 well drinks from 4 to 6 p.m. at La Costa. It’s a total police state we live in nowadays. What’s next, you can’t vomit on the dance floor at the OD? *
Side note 1: These people look fucking disgusting.
Side note 2: HOW DID THE BIKINI BOTTOM STAY ON AT ALL IF IT WAS UNTIED? DID SHE PUT IT BETWEEN HER TEETH? THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Side note 3: Stand in about three-feet of water for 30 minutes on any South Jersey beach when the ocean is rough and you are guaranteed to see a rogue breast and potentially an ass. Victoria’s Secret hasn’t told women about this glitch yet, and for that, the male species is thankful.
Side note 4: Sex in the ocean always sounds a hell of a lot better than what’s really going on: sex in freezing cold salt water inhabited by mysterious little critters and parasites that, given the opportunity, will crawl up inside of you and make you wish it was only an STD you got from that time you fucked the fat guy from Delco in front of onlookers in broad daylight on the 46th Street beach. But, if you must have sex in public in the Philly area this summer, there’s actually a great Yelp category for that.
*A portion of my bachelor party this weekend will be in Sea Isle, so I can make these jokes, too.
Pic via Twitter witness “Poop McDougle.” Fuckin’ Sea Isle.
Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.