BREAKING: People Had Gross Sex in Sea Isle

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From CBS Philly:

A young couple from Philadelphia had sex in the ocean in a Jersey Shore town while a crowd of onlookers formed, police said.

The couple — a 27-year-old male and a 23-year-old female, both from Philadelphia – were charged with Lewdness for their alleged roles in the shocking incident in Sea Isle City this past Sunday.

According to the Sea Isle City Police Department, summer officers observed the couple having sex in the ocean near 46th Street at about 4 p.m. Police say a crowd of onlookers began to form.

The officers instructed the couple to stop what they were doing and exit the water. An eyewitness told CBSPhilly it took the female a long time to exit the water because she had difficulty tying up her bikini bottom.

Shocking incident? First of all, this is a dog-bites-man thing. If the ocean in Sea Isle City had sex on two people, that might be shocking. This isn’t. These people are from Philly, sure, but having sex in or around the ocean in Sea Isle is basically a right of passage for anyone who grew up below Baltimore Pike in Delco. I imagine the Sea Isle City ocean regales other oceans with tales about how much sex people from Lower Delco have had in it. Children who grew up summering in Sea Isle remember the sand, the sun, and the silhouetted specks bobbing up and down “out in the deep water where Daddy said I should never go.” This is a common occurrence. And yet these people were arrested and charged?! They should’ve been given their sticky star and Jeff Carter Certificate of Achievement good for one hour of $0.50 Bud Lights and $0.75 well drinks from 4 to 6 p.m. at La Costa. It’s a total police state we live in nowadays. What’s next, you can’t vomit on the dance floor at the OD? *

Side note 1: These people look fucking disgusting.


Side note 3: Stand in about three-feet of water for 30 minutes on any South Jersey beach when the ocean is rough and you are guaranteed to see a rogue breast and potentially an ass. Victoria’s Secret hasn’t told women about this glitch yet, and for that, the male species is thankful.

Side note 4: Sex in the ocean always sounds a hell of a lot better than what’s really going on: sex in freezing cold salt water inhabited by mysterious little critters and parasites that, given the opportunity, will crawl up inside of you and make you wish it was only an STD you got from that time you fucked the fat guy from Delco in front of onlookers in broad daylight on the 46th Street beach. But, if you must have sex in public in the Philly area this summer, there’s actually a great Yelp category for that.

*A portion of my bachelor party this weekend will be in Sea Isle, so I can make these jokes, too.

Pic via Twitter witness “Poop McDougle.” Fuckin’ Sea Isle.


102 Responses

    1. First thing I did when reading this was send it to my ex saying thank god this wasn’t us. Lol I feel a lot of you probably reacted similarly. Seriously if your now plowing on the beach after sun down, or in the ocean during the day, you sir are doing it wrong

    1. Everyone knows his lady is so special because she loves a salty penis.

  1. remember the time we got wasted and we each made a play at burn…. the walk of shame from her bedroom with you on the stoop was memorable….

  2. I fingered a girl’s asshole in the ocean during the summer of 07 but never fucked a chick in the ocean.

  3. kyle, please tell me a portion of your bachelor party in sea isle does not include attending saturday’s no shower happy hour at the OD while your group is all sporting uniform t-shirts with dumbass nicknames on the back. btw, you know snipers will be out this weekend looking to catch you doing something you wouldnt want the future mrs. cb to see!

  4. Bachelor party in Sea Isle and Honeymoon in Mexico? What happened, Virginia Beach and Haiti were booked?

    And dude brags about how much money he makes.

  5. That Pig is 23 and has a family. Take this down before that whore gets destroyed by the comments.

  6. I find it hard to believe nobody knows who this fat disgusting pig is. We need her name.

  7. “summering”….really? I went to school with people who grew up loaded. (7-figs not 6) and even they would use a season as a verb.

  8. New Jersey is a garbage state for garbage people, Springsteen’s main competition was disco, Chris Christie is a typical fraud politician, and inbred albinos still live in the Pine Barrens alongside escaped carnival midgets. Basically it’s like if Delco had achieved Statehood.

    1. New Jersey has the third-highest annual income in the country behind Maryland and Alaska. Keep trying, though.

      1. 80% made by people living north of Newark. Everyone south of that are either farmers or guido McDonalds’ workers.

  9. They both look like fat, disgusting, disease ridden, delconians.

    Everybody gets down at the beach at some point in their life…but in broad daylight…in the WATER? DUHHHHHHHHHHFUCK!? Fucking amateurs. The only acceptable way to get down on the beach is to do it very late at night and in a lifeguard chair. Otherwise, you get sand everywhere or you’re fucking in a toilette

  10. “anyone who grew up below Baltimore Pike in Delco. I imagine the Sea Isle City ocean regales other oceans with tales about how much sex people from Lower Delco have had in it.”

    Haha! So true about lower delco!

    1. Hey! That may be true except for Tinicum, which is an oasis between Philly and Chester. We don’t let just anybody in!

  11. avalon would never bust someone for this

  12. I can only imagine the large shit stains lining the inside of that bikini bottom, type of chick Sean Brace would call a dime

  13. Let these two sexy people have kids who will see this picture.
    You can see her fat ass crack and her top is off, showing golf ball nips no doubt.

  14. Damn shooby’s I wish all the PA people who spend 9 months out of the year bashing NJ but invade the beaches come summertime. Also Stay the hell out of the left hand lane on the AC Expressway and the Parkway. If you don’t like NJ don’t come to our beaches!!!

    1. “Damn shooby’s I wish all the PA people who spend 9 months out of the year bashing NJ but invade the beaches come summertime.”

      Excellent point, Wordsworth.

      1. Exactly. I had to read it a couple of times to see if it made sense. It didn’t.

      1. Really? We already have the 3rd highest property taxes in the nation? Let me know where you found your research….. If you don’t like it stay off our beaches!

        1. No, we will come to the beaches, piss wherever we want, do whatever we want, then leave you “service industry types” to clean up after us.

          Then, after you cleaned everything up, we will be back to do it all over again.

          This is YOUR life, Jersey minimum-wage-earner!

  15. I think I saw Howard Eskin on the sic beach Saturday. Might have been a Doppleganger but sure did look like the wolf man

    1. I saw Howard Eskin drinking a pina colada at Kix McNutley’s.

      His hair was all fucked up.

  16. I am more concerned with how the officers are going to deal with their wet socks.

  17. 9 month? We own most of south jersey. We just let you live there to clean up when we’re done.
    Now go get your shine box.

    1. Seriously, get off of Route 322 and stay out of the left lane.

      And while you’re at it, take a fucking shower before you roam our beaches with your Keystone drinking, syphilis ridden, hairy twat girlfriends.

    2. Yeah? well you may own the shore, but you don’t own the interior farmlands, where all the hard work and sweat takes place to keep this state ….

      Aw shit. Where’s my shine box?

  18. These two are from:

    a) Ridley
    b) Collingdale
    c) Darby
    d) Tinicum

    I mean, hell it has to be one of these, right?

    1. Wait, I thought Gorgo is from Williamstown. He’s even got the police fooled into thinking he’s from Philly!

        1. Uh oh brother. Dad said your gonna get the wood later. He’s just gotta gargle that fat primo hoagie down his piehole first.

  19. I am shocked and appalled by this news…Mainly for the reason that neither appear to have any trashy or inadvertently ironic tattoos. Not even a tribal or a butterfly. YOUR PARENTS RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS.

  20. They give jon marks one weekend off to have fun in sea isle and look what he does?…Brace was probably just pissed he wasn’t there to complete the eiffel tower on this delco pig…

  21. Kyle whice end of the spectrum you trying to go this weekend? Bang a 21 year old drunk chick you meet at the OD while singing cover songs by secret service? Or find a nice old ciggy smoking broad down at kix mcnutleys?

    1. ^^^haha, spot on! what about taking home a 42 year-old divorcee after a twisted tea special and juliano brothers performance at the springfield?

      1. He may go for all three… but we are talking about Kyle here… He will hang in sea isle for a few hours and then hit the whitebriar “happy hour” saturday where the 5 dollar miller lights are flowing, pastel colors are in abundance, and dickhead guys who still live with their parents are telling chicks they make six figures to try to get them to go home with them…

    2. Kyle’s definitely looking for a girl “on the spectrum this weekend,” because thats the only way he getting laid at his ‘sweet’ hipster bachelor party

  22. I can see a couple dead dolphins washing up on sure from her pussy smell n his flyers calf tat

  23. I wonder if they found my bathing suit bottoms I lost last Sunday…I mean, it’s better than getting arrested for having sex in the Seaside ocean, right?

  24. If you see a bunch of genetic junk from the mainline doing the elephant walk from the carousel to the OD, you found us!

    Kyle bachelor party 2014- t shirts and lame ass overused djacc references ya hurrrdd, shit bout to be turnt up!

  25. Living on 39th there’s plenty of that to see. Any given Friday or Saturday I could sit on the deck and watch spill-overs from Shenanigans enter our shower and enter each other! Thongs on the beach? Sure, although I never figured out how they get all that sand out of the cooter! Welcome to Sea Isle, DELCO South !

  26. “…having sex in or around the ocean in Sea Isle is basically a right of passage for anyone who grew up below Baltimore Pike in Delco.”

    I must insist that you amend this to “below MacDade Boulevard”, because as you know, Swarthmore is also below Baltimore Pike, and we are above that sort of thing.

    1. “South of Baltimore Pike”?! North or South we are one Delco! “A Delco divided against itself cannot stand!” Jimbraham Lincoln.

      We are one! We are stronger then the storm!

    2. Pay Kyle’s insult to your great little town no mind. He has to point out that he’s from DelCo from time to time in order to qualify his insults since they don’t stand on their own as funny or necessarily accurate. Just look at his weak vomit joke he qualified by pointing out that he and the rest of his bird chested friends will be spending part of his bachelor party there.

  27. The couple was from Philly not Delco. But please continue about Delco I would like to learn more

  28. “South of Baltimore Pike”?! North or South we are one Delco!

    “A Delco divided against itself cannot stand!” Jimbraham Lincoln.

    We are one! We are stronger then the storm!

    1. “A Delco without the MacDade Blvd/Chester Pike corridor is a better Delco”

      — William Penn 1680

  29. Well they wouldn’t be doing this during hurricane Sandy or at least the sand would have made that sex a nightmare…
    and to the poster texting his “ex” about this, You are an amateur

  30. I was born and raised in Chester. moved out in 1987. Lou Turk’s had a cot in the ladies room.
    The hoagie was invented in Chester (Anna’s Deli). Delco girls can suck the bedsheet up your ass.

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