ESPN unveiled the athletes in its Body Issue– the annual publication that makes you feel simultaneously jealous, turned on, and also glad that you and or your significant other are not professional athletes, who look weirdly disturbing without clothes, with muscles in places that have no business having muscles. It’s supposed to look like a dense and ripened peach, not a venus fly trap wielding bed sheets! But there are always a few headliners, and this year they are Michael Phelps (I’m strangely excited for this, mostly because it’s not that douchebag Ryan Lochte, but also because I think I’m attracted to Michael Phelps), Venus Williams (g-g-g-gross), Bernard Hopkins* (who I can only assume has Fuck McNabb tatted on his wang), and, uh, this chick, who will be gracing the Retina screens of approximately six male readers on their strangely long, yet one-flush bathroom breaks today:Photo: ESPN
Full gallery of all the athletes here.
*Before a taping of Great Sports Debate on which he was a guest, I had the strange pleasure of informing Bernard Hopkins of a then-recent Tweet from Kim Kardashian about her pet Boxer, Bernard, named for, of course, Bernard Hopkins. He was oddly delighted by this. And that’s the whole story.