BREAKING: The Phillies Have Made a Trade

Photo credit: USA Today
Photo credit: USA Today

The Phillies have traded – drum roll please – Fausto Carmona Roberto Rodriguez Fernando Valenzuela Miguel Tejada Jose Contreras Hernandez for two players to be named later, much like Fausto himself was:

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They wait all this time and then trade the starter four hours before a game. Smart.

No word on who the players are. PLEASE LET ONE BE PUIG. PLEASE LET ONE BE PUIG. It’s probably not Puig.


17 Responses

  1. Welcome to all these worthless trades that Rube is now going to make to try to make up for his incompetence at the trade deadline.

  2. Don’t you mean they waited all this time and then they traded four starters just before game time? haha

    1. They are getting nobody in return besides possibly hot ball girl A and hot ball girl B for Hernandez.

      I love the part in the article about Puig. Makes me think of the 97.5 callers who call in and ask these ridiculous questions. For example, why RAJ doesnt trade Cliff Lee and Marlon Byrd to the Dodgers for Puig.

      The Phillies have really only one player they can get a “solid return” for and that is Hamels.

      I would have said Lee too maybe back in April/May but he will be in the opening day starter next year, can only hope he comes back 100% because you can get value for him if he pitches like he did in 2013 and early 2014.

      You’re not getting grade A prospects for Utley, Rollins, Lee or Byrd (although apparently RAJ thinks so, its just simply not happening).

      This organization is in total disarray. Sixers are years away, Flyers are mediocre but can compete for a title, that only leaves….

      E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!!

    2. We would not be lucky at all if they offer us Ethier. He’s still under contract for three more years after this season with $53.5M guaranteed (plus however much he’s owed the rest of this year) and a $17.5 M vesting option for 2018.

      Also, did I mention he’s not very good anymore?

      1. You should of posted the site you got his contract information from, throwing it around like you know something

        1. Yeah obviously I don’t know his exact contract numbers off the top of my head, you nitwit. But because I actually pay attention to baseball, I know that he stinks, is signed to a terrible deal, and the Phillies should not want any part of him. Who cares where I got the contract numbers from? What is this a god damn essay where I have to site my sources? Just google it. It’s not private knowledge.

  3. Ruben traded him to the Dodgers for a jar of Clayton Kershaw’s piss and a 5 minute pass to sniff Puig’s post-game ass sweat.

    The jar of piss will sign a long term deal and will occupy the 5th spot in the rotation. It’s projected to have higher growth potential than Kendrick.

  4. Hmm. So much for other GM’s not being aggressive enough.

    Can’t believe Rube got a jar of Kershaw’s piss for Fausto Carmona.

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