My Dad’s Fantasy Football Draft List Was Just Spectacular

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As I’ve mentioned, I had my fantasy draft last night. My Dad and I are co-managing Footlong Foles. This is the first time we’ve shared a team, but we’ve been playing fantasy sports (mostly baseball), sporadically, since the early-90s. Back then, to prepare for the draft, we would sit around the kitchen table with newspapers and a copy of Who’s Who in Baseball (the book that forever confused me about the meaning of the word who) and compile our draft lists. The whole process was done with pen and paper, and sometimes a calculator to compute a stat my Dad called Power, which was simply the sum of a player’s home runs and RBIs. I think this is still how Ruben Amaro prepares for the Winter Meetings. Anyway, the rest of us have evolved with time and use websites, computer programs and apps to prepare for our drafts. But not my Dad. No, no. In advance of ours last night, for which I readied 20 minutes beforehand with Football Guys’ Dominator app (which is great), he forwarded me an email that had originally been auto-sent by a copier, because that’s the ultra modern contraption he used to scan his handwritten, handruled draft rankings – a homebrew cheat sheet based on magazine and website(!) data – and turn them into a versatile PDF.

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Incredibly, however, he FaceTimed me in for the draft so we could discuss and make our selections in real-time. Which was a great relief, because had that not worked, I’m pretty sure the backup plan was to telegram our picks in.


13 Responses

  1. Good luck on co-owning. Did it one time and we could never decide on start/bench and FA’s. Some of the worst fights.

  2. In “my Dad”, it should be a lowercase “d” the way you used it. If you said “Dad picked the team”, it would be an uppercase “D”. Just substitute someone’s name for “Dad” to determine which case it should be. You wouldn’t say “My Mike”, so My dad” is lowercase. Wouldn’t hurt you to pay attention too, Jim.

  3. you needed a calculator to add a possible 3 digit number and a 2 digit number. thats pretty embarrassing.

  4. So did that football dominator app tell you to make that gigantic reach picking Foles 31st overall or did you just do that on your own?

  5. 3rd grade math is hard. i also use a calculator.

    1. thats fucked up. i saw the kid having a good time and didn’t realize he was deformed until right before they cut away. i hope you go to hell and burn you fucking insensitive douche poopsicle.

    1. Good lord I hope you are sterile…then again there’s probably no chance you are getting laid

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