Ryan Howard’s New House Will Have Doorknobs Worth More than Your Salary

Photo via @mattstankowski
Photo via @mattstankowski

Ryan Howard’s massive moat-mansion, as we previously mentioned, is still being built. It’s been in the works for a long time, but now thanks to the Tampa Bay Times, we know more about the place. For example, did you know Ryan Howard is spending $80,000 on doorknobs alone? $80,000 — which looks like this in cash — is likely more than you make in a year. Ryan Howard has your yearly worth in a bunch of doorknobs.

Additionally, the $5.8 million (ONLY?) mansion will feature eight bedrooms (one of which I assume is for Ruben to crash in, as a thank you for the house), at least ten bathrooms, “a two-story library, a trophy room, two kitchens, three laundry rooms, two elevators, a wine room and a bowling alley.” Oh, and we can’t forget the “swimming pool complete with an underwater treadmill and lazy river that floats under the mansion.”

It’s like he watched a whole bunch of MTV Cribs and was like “Yo, I want everything from all of those places.” The bowling alley idea definitely came from Penny Hardaway’s house.

h/t PhillyMag

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64 Responses

  1. Don’t blame Howard,blame Amaro for giving him that bloated contract.

  2. I hope he and his whore white wife drown in his fucking moat.

    1. Howard is the only reason the phillies won the World Series in 08, back when they were 7 games back in sept that year he literally was the majority of the offense in September leading them to there 2nd national league east title and the rest was history. For 5 years he pretty much owned all MLB hitting statistics. What was Ruben gonna do not sign him after numbers like that, and what should Howard have done not take the money

        1. Get Tony Bruno’s dick out your mouth basement dweller,and come up with your own line-drops.

          You guys with your Howard hate is a damn disgrace,and is the reason why we Philly fans get a bad rap from the national media.

        2. If you wanna get facts straight it was 07 and 08 you keyboard hard ass

          1. You mean come downstairs to see you in your parents basement, mad at the world wishing Howard and his wife to drown, real nice hate. Just cause a guy doesn’t produce like he use to, I’d hate to see what you wish on your enemies

          2. @keyboard-
            Get off Ryan Howard’s black cock! Is that what you’re upset about? Ryan Howard makes $26 million dollars a year. How much do you make? See If you can’t pay the rent go ask Ryan Howard and see what he tells you. Ryan Howard & his white trash wife don’t care about you, so why should you care about them? Nobody cares

      1. The problem is that Amaro gave Howard that contract in 2010 when he was still under team control for 2 more years. If they continued to go year to year in arbitration paying him around $15 million per year, that protects you from unforeseen injuries for as long as possible. Yeah Howard was disgruntled with the yearly arbitration process, but so fucking what, take it up with the CBA. What would his value have been in 2011 after ripping up his achilles?

  3. a) Fuck him
    b)Fuck you for making such a big deal about this
    c)Fuck him
    d)Kyle and his six figure salary can certainly afford the door knobs
    e)Fuck him
    f)If I had that kind of money, I would do the same thing
    g)Fuck him

  4. If I’m ryan howard, i’m doing the same thing. the guy was given the contract, so might as well spend some cash on a baller house.

  5. Yea, I just don’t understand why we’re mad at Howard. He’s stupid rich. Enjoy life. He earned it.

    1. Agreed.

      Hate the contract, hate Ruben, hate the Phillies.

      But Ryan Howard at his prime was awesome. Not his fault his Achilles blew or that the Phillies signed him to a crazy deal.

      Hope he enjoys his eventual retirement and his doorknobs. I got to watch the Phils win one; he totally gets a pass from me.

    2. OMG is that you drinking a Heady Topper? You must be so cool!!!!!! Wanna make out? 😉

  6. Blah blah blah TROPHY ROOM blah blah.
    Would love to know what that room’s gonna get filled with.

    1. Maybe an NLCS MVP!? How about a National League MVP? Possibly a Silver Slugger Award, Home Run Derby Trophy, Rookie of the Year Award and a Hank Aaron Award. And I think he’s made a few allstar teams, NL HR Champion a couple times!? I can’t imagine what will go in there!

      1. Yes for 2 years he was quite the shit. These days his trophies would be for most K’s, most K’s looking, most ground outs in big situations,. worst hitter vs lefties in the bigs, etc. But see they don’t give trophies for that stuff, so that room may prove a tad excessive.

        1. Let’s see…

          2004 Joe Bauman Home Run Award
          2005 Rookie of the Month Award (September)
          2005 Rookie of the Year Award
          2006 Hank Aaron Award
          2006 Mike Schmidt Most Valuable Player Award
          2006 Most Valuable Player Award
          2006 Player of the Month Award
          2006 Player of the Month Award
          2006 Player of the Week Award
          2006 Players Choice Outstanding Player of the Year Award
          2006 Players Choice Player of the Year Award
          2006 Silver Slugger Award, National League
          2006 Sporting News Major League Player of the Year Award
          2007 Clutch Performer of the Year Finalist
          2007 Player of the Week Award
          2007 Player of the Week Award
          2008 Clutch Performer of the Month Award (September)
          2008 Player of the Month Award
          2009 Mike Schmidt Most Valuable Player Award
          2009 N.L.C.S. Most Valuable Player Award
          2009 Player of the Month Award
          2009 Player of the Week Award
          2009 Player of the Week Award
          2010 Mike Schmidt Most Valuable Player Award
          2010 Player of the Week Award

          Plus: eventual induction into Phillies Hall of Fame and tons of memorabilia and mementos. Yeah, you’re right. Why have a room?

          I can’t wait until you’re a multi-millionaire and we can question all your decisions. Surely you’re one lottery ticket away. Keep on scratchin’, Camel Toe!

  7. Shouldn’t the headline be “Ryan Howard’s Door Knobs Worth More Than Your Salary….Unless You Make 6 Figures Like Kyle.”

  8. More than we make in a year? Come on, Jim, your boss makes 6 figures in his undies. Give us some credit.

  9. Anyone think Howard’s wife’s side of the family were snickering during their wedding?

  10. Tonight when you turn on Comcast Sportsnet remember you are paying Howard’s salary as Comcast does not give you the option not to watch the Phillies. You pay whether you watch them or not. Hope he has a prenup as Mrs. H will file once his playing days are through.

    1. All-Time Phillies Team:

      1B Ryan Howard
      2B Marlon Anderson
      SS: Jimmy Rollins
      3B: Charlie Hayes
      C: Lenny Webster
      LF: Ron Gant
      CF: Gary Maddux
      RF: Delmon Young
      P: Robert Person
      Closer: Wayne Gomes

    2. This fucking loser needs a hobby. Retired fixed income race baiting blowhard calls every show on both sports stations all hours of the day. If this joke ever googles himself and this post shows up, please take up golf or something dude.

      1. Seems like Everytime I turn on either station I hear the cranky old man Levi’s voice

      2. I will be calling Eskin tomorrow followed Jon and Sean. You people out there listening on the radio can’ stop me. You can’t even contain me!!!!

  11. I think what pisses people off about Howard is that he gives the appearance that he’s not working real hard to become a better player. No one would have refused the contract he was given, but after he got hurt, maybe if he would have worked hard and lost some weight, it would have took a lot of stress off of his legs. And is he constantly in the film room watching pitchers and trying to get better? Not sure but I’ve never heard that he spends a lot of time watching film or working with coaches. And isn’t his injury similar to Jason Peters’, who made it back to all- pro form in about a year? Everyone appreciates that Howard was a huge part of winning a championship, but he pisses people off when he cashes the huge paychecks, sucks at the plate, and appears to not really give a shit.

    1. it is pretty hard to know his work ethic behind a keyboard

      You aren’t in the clubhouse with him, or with him when he works out/practices so why just assume the worst

  12. Ryan Howard was a huge reason the Phillies won the WS in 2008. I do not think anyone is denying that.

    In the here and now, he appears to be a lazy, arrogant fuck who can’t hit anything thrown off the plate. He needs to be kept away from a microphone, because every time he opens his mouth, he says something fucking ignorant.

  13. Kyle, as you can see, nobody really gives a flying fuck about some nigga mansion!!!

  14. Remember when philly fans used to say just give us one title and we’ll be happy for 5 years. Ungrateful pieces of shit.

    1. Okay, and it’s been over 5 years since they won the title. What’s your point, you fucking philistine?

      1. Oh, so it was supposed to be EVERY five years? I guess it’s only fair, because there are tons of teams that do that. I mean, there’s the Red Sox, and… well, just look at all one of them. And it’s not like they endured an 86-year drought before that. Realist, your realistic logic is flawless.

  15. If espn ever does a sequel to the broke documentary this dumb fuck will be there sitting right next to andre rison.

  16. Pretty sure it’s the wife picking all this crazy shit for that house since she knows she’ll be the sole resident after she divorces his dumb ass in 2 years.

      1. By best you mean fucking worst right? Ok maybe second worst behind the fucking moobs commercial…

      2. Apparently you haven’t heard my commerciallshgls. Ish your End Zhone in the Red Zhone?

    1. Three out of four American households have an income less than $80K. It was a solid guess on Jim’s part.

      Of course, if we are going by the sub-segment of privileged shits who sit at home all day bitching about the lack of Eagles training camp coverage/desk-jockey douches using company-allotted breaks to post sexually-frustrated diatribes about local weather reporters, the numbers probably skew a little higher.

  17. random thoughts-why the fuck is jim jackson on phillies baseball-wtf- i get off i get in the car i hear this drone, wtf-can someone call cous and ask him why he has to mention that he talked to a couple of scouts last night-wtf-has anything big daddy said ever been funny, wtf where the fuck is bruno?wtf
    is rheas carpet brown?wtf i need a life who has a better fake laugh angelo or cous?, one i saw here can sal pal, jaworski, just stfu, two fucking shoemakers going on and on about nothing………..

  18. If I had that much money…, who wants to spend that much $$ on that architecturally-BLAH house and live in Florida for the rest of their lives? It’s too hot in the summer, it’s really crowded on the East Coast side and the Gulf Coast is getting filled with so many McMansions and retirees– its like Toll Brothers housing meets a Golden Girls dream world, then there’s lots of white trash/rednecks, poor minorities who speak only Spanish (or ebonics), and also at times intense, crazy weather which put your home and life at risk. I don’t care about the no income tax law… yeah that’s nice, but there’s also plenty of tax shelter havens in Europe.

    I’d take all my earnings and live in Europe personally – class personified. Florida… it’s overrated blah.

    1. I hadn’t been to florida in years but visited last month. Pretty sure no one lives in Florida except old people and red-neck teens. Also, everyone works in the restaurant industry.

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