Jonathan Papelbon Gets a Seven-Game Suspension for Grabbing His Dick like a Dickhead

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Eh. I just really wanted to write that headline.

The Phillies released a statement, via (@APgelston):

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Apology accepted. Now, about the last three years.


15 Responses

  1. Riley Cooper stinks and a newborn baby has a stronger arm than Nick Foles.

    And btw we are in desperate need of a deep threat,we had one but according to the green kool aid drinkers in Chips system,you don’t need a deep threat(LMAO).

  2. Say, has anyone else noticed Nick Foles blows, and the Eagles miss Desean Jackson?

    Nahhhh. I guess I’m just some dumb, reactionary Eagles fan.

    1. What more do you need to see, you idiot? Nick Foles….I mean…what more does he need to do you moron? He only threw 2 interceptions, and you still can’t see how great he is?

      1. The 2 of you are clueless. I’m from university of Penn, so I am better than you. Despite my plephgmy voice, I know that nick Foles is REAL!!!!

      2. Hey you fatass pile of dogshit why dont you stuff another 12 hot dogs down your throat for me? Fuck you.

    2. uh-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAHHHHHH. ke-ke-ke-ke-kee.

      Yo, cuzzzzz. My man Spags told me this would happen.

  3. gooooooooooooooooooood afternoooooooooooooooon everybodaaaaaaaaaaaa, <stole from mad dog-paps will spend the week at a mensa meeting–haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa

  4. Bullshit overreaction on MLB’s part. But since all of pro sports is now under the fucking microscope for how they handle player behavior they’re going to make an example out of Papelbon.

    Don’t get me wrong….Papelbon is a childish douche. But what he did is not deserving of 7 FUCKING games…even if they are meaningless.

    They’re leveraging their whole argument on the “12 year olds” in the crowd who were apparently scarred for life by an athlete grabbing his crotch.

    Meanwhile, millions of 12 year olds and their parents idolize and continue to throw money at Michael Jackson…..who spent decades grabbing his cock on stage and allegedly wanted to use it on those same 12 year olds.

    Our society is fucked inside out.

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