Eagles

Quick Post-Game Thoughts

By Kyle Scott

Published: Sep 7th, 2014 · 6:50 PM EDT

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Huge win. I listened to Phil From Mt. Airy and, for some reason, Barrett Brooks on the way home, and not surprisingly I was pissed off and feeling bad for myself by the time I got to my house. This is why we can’t have nice things. Because scoring 34 points in the second half and holding a team scoreless for almost three full quarters is something to complain about. Classic Week 1 trap game. The Colts on Monday Night Football next week– the unofficial start of the season for the Birds. There’s no doubt the offense came into this a little too nonchalant. It took a half and an EXSPROLSION™* to turn things around. The first half was an on-ramp, but once Foles got up to speed everything was right with the world. If you’re worried because a team got off to a slow start and then ejaculated all over a bad team, you’re a pessimist and I don’t like you today.

*I’ll stop using that if enough people object.

 

Some thoughts:

Foles: Yeah, he looked like shit in the first. It takes some guys a few reps to get up to game speed. Foles needed a half. He held the ball too long and, through little fault of his own, the receivers weren’t creating separation. He absolutely made bad passes and I think once threw to an oversized wasp that he spotted out of the corner of his eye. Should that sort of thing concern us? Maybe. I don’t think so. He looked much better in the second half. Not great, but better. He still finished with 322 yards and an 87.5 QB rating. If that’s his worst day, I’ll take it.

TheSean McCoy: They made him… quicker. That Bounce promotion may be the most perfect in sports, because McCoy no longer runs, he bounces, like an R. Kelly remix. It’s like he’s always running through one of those rope drills, only the ropes are defenders. Eventually I assume all the tendons and ligaments in his knees will shatter, but until that day, which is presumably a few years away, he’ll just keep remixing Ignition. Bounce bounce bounce bounce.

Sproles: Most teams have a thunder-lightning running back duo. The Eagles have lightning and water spout. Sproles is the quick bolt of speed and McCoy is the unpredictable fountain of dampness bouncing around the field all willy nilly. Someone’s gonna need to get Sproles some tissues, though. He’s all quiet until OH MY GOD EXPLOSION ALL OVER THE FIELD. Total new dimension to the offense. I feel like my dog when we give her a new toy. I don’t know whether to jump up and down, chew it, spin aimlessly in circles, or hump the damn thing. But, I like it.

Receivers: Get separation. Foles sucked in the first half, but there were a lot of plays where Cooper and Maclin had defenders stuck to their heels like melted gum. Cooper is going to miss DeSean. The whole team might. There was’t as much open space on that field today.

Love Ertz, love scars, love wounds: He’s good.

Boykin: I sat in front of his entire family. Nice people. They couldn’t stop laughing when he oversold that punt on the one. He played a good game, but honestly I probably would’ve felt that way anyway because I was terrified that he was going to get torched on a deep route and I was going to let out some nasty expletive and then get punched in the back of my head. Luckily, that never happened. I’m just worried they saw I was texting EVERYONE I knew and telling them that Boykin’s parents were behind me. I’m a loser.

Donnie Jones: I have so much confidence in this man.

Cody Parkey: Thought there was a glitch in the game when the Jaguars kept starting on the 20. Well this doesn’t seem right. I’ve never seen this thing before. Thankfully that sad sack Alex Henery is gone. Parkey could be a good one. Never a doubt on that 50+ yarder. Touchbacks all day.

Chad Henne: Way to blow all three of your timeouts on third downs, bro.

Green jerseys: Now that new Nike green replicas are available for sale, there are like 60 different shades of Midnight Green all over the stadium. You know it’s a bad color when no one can duplicate it.

NRG Energy: Thanks to NRG Energy for the great seats today. They’re a huge Eagles sponsor and responsible for those solar panels and wind turbines you see in, on and around the stadium. We’ll be working with them this year and have several great giveaways courtesy of those folks. Good company, and they support the Eagles and this site. What’s not to like?