We Zaprudered the Eagles-Redskins Fight

Photo credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports
Photo credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

It’s been a while since we’ve had the opportunity, but you’ve got to give the people what they want. Here now, Zaprudering the Eagles-Redskins melee.

 

It’s just your casual Nick Foles non-interception. This’ll be overturned.

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BAHWGOD SOMEONE JUST KILLED NICK FOLES!

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Bus 92 ran him over. A traffic camera captured the moment of impact.

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“YES! YES! WE KILLED A MAN!”

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“YES!”

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“YES!”

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“YES!”

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“Not so fast, my friend.”

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Riley Cooper and Trent Cole rush off to join Jason Peters in avenging Foles’ death, and in the process form the most ironic tag-team since John McClane and Zeus Carver. 

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“I”ll fight every Redskin here, bro!” 

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Meanwhile, medical staff tends to Foles’ body. His death is brought to you by Nike.

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Nick Foles: 1989-2014. Just do it.

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David Anderson OFF THE TOP ROPE!

 

The Toddfather hides behind an official and doesn’t want to go to the mattresses.

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“I was just trying to make the tackle. I got up off the ground and I saw Jason in a sprint after somebody and I was like, ‘Oh, no. This isn’t good,'” said Todd Herremans. “But I just think he was doing what he gets paid to do: protect Nick.”

“I thought about stepping in the way, but I just would have gotten murdered.”

 

“You know what, I’m going to pick this up. Not even a clown has enough handkerchiefs for this one.”

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“Maybe not. But I will fucking murder you.”

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The Petersssss and Ertzsssssss look on (I think).

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“GET HIM, JASON! GET HIM, JASON!”

 

“Got him!”

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11 mode?

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“You’re fucking out, 92.”

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“Bullshit, man.”

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“Is he still behind me?”

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A cup of tarter sauce enters the frame from the right. Upon landing, it appears to have changed direction, striking Senator Connally in the leg.

 

“ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!”

 

Asshole.

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Asshole.

 

Goddamn hero.

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Goddamn hero.

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Also goddamn heroes.

“I saw Nick on the ground and that’s really all you need to see,” said Malcolm Jenkins. “Whenever your quarterback is on the ground, you have to defend him. That’s what we hang our hat on. That’s our pride and joy. We can’t let cheap shots or anything happen to him.”

“I ran over there. I’m never going to hang my teammates out to dry,” said Brandon Boykin. “Definitely wanted to make sure we were protected and if people were really scuffling I wanted to make sure nothing serious happened if I could help it.”

 

“Wait a minute, this was all for nothing?”

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credit to (@_weedie21) for the Cooper joke, quotes via Philly Mag, D-Jac photo via Emmanuel Acho, brought to you by Nike

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37 Responses

    1. but I will be leaving the Linc in the lap of luxury in my new Jag from Jaguar of Cherry Hill. I wanted to step up in class and I was tired of driving what my neighbor drives.

    2. You guys wanna see a nasty sideline fight,go to youtube and type in Chicago Bears fight St. Louis Cardinals.

      It happened in a 1986 pre-season game at Soldier Field,and let’s just say if the same fight occurred today there would be multi game suspensions levied against the Cardinals for their vicious sideline beatdown of a couple Chicago players.

  1. do we really need barrett brooks, jermaine jackson to stumble of words all night long?, if we need a another dumb talking head, put gcobb back, anyone notice how ray diddy now has become as arrogant as glen?

    1. Ray-the-Insider last night:
      “Eagles won, but you don’t want your QB to get knocked around that much”.

      Solid insight right there. How does he do it.

    2. I think that has a lot to do with Glen always being such a defensive baby when someone disagrees with him. No wonder he keeps getting bounced around. Ray always seems to be trying to keep the peace with him. MacNow is a big asshole.

  2. Soon as that sideline brawl started I thought ” Now they’re a Team “. Unity. If Desean Jaccson was on Ray Donovan, he’d get capped the first season. Chip Kelly on the Grassy Knoll will pick off Carey Williams and his tired legs.

  3. I won’t tolerate this type of manly behavior in my league. I’m will immediately form a committee of 12 leftist women to tell me what to do about this. I wish I could give you all a hug.

  4. I agree Commisioner. I choked on my wine spritzer when I saw this brawl. I didn’t let the taxpayers build my Stadium in order to turn it into a wrestling arena.

  5. Gotta admit there were some funny parts in this “ill fight every redskin in here bro” and the desean meme. Wondering where the grassy knoll was?

  6. I hope everyone saw me with my boys walking into the locker room after the game like I was on the sideline. That elevator is fast that gets me from my luxury box down to the field.

  7. a radio convo likely to occur later this afternoon:

    gargano: pete, youre on wip. go ahead, buddy!
    pete: hey anthony, i am pete the plumber! i am not sure if you remember me or not, but i’m the guy who was at your remote broadcast a month ago when you were at borgata. remember, i was the one who chanted let’s go eagles a few times and then yelled whooohooo! my wife was wearing a runyan jersey and my kid had green face paint on him!
    gargano: ohh yeah, i do remember that buddy! that was awesome man! amazing stuff from you that day!
    ellis: yeah anthony, i remember that too. that was good stuff!
    pete: anyway, i thought that fight yesterday was amazing. i was sitting in 206 and i told my buddy that we would should go down there and fight too because just like the team we’re from philly and that’s what we do! we fight, you know.
    ellis: yeah, if i could interject here with a irrelevant analogy because that what i always do anyway. yesterday’s win reminded me of shopping on thanksgiving eve for groceries. it’s like you need that stuffing to complete the meal and you have that old lady standing there about to take it and instead you just go up, push her, and snatch it out of her hand. that’s what the eagles did yesterday! they took turkey stuffing from that old lady and the old lady being the redskins! the stuffing was a victory!
    anthony: i am sorry pete, but we have to let you go buddy because joining us now is the great ray didinger. what’s up ray diddy!
    ray: good afternoon anthony and rob.
    anthony: being the great hall of fame writer that you are, explain ray why the eagles won yesterday for us. break it down my man with your excellent insight. we know to know, pal!
    ray: well guys, its very simple. the eagles won because they simply outscored the redskins. in other words, the eagles accumulated more points than that of the redskins.
    anthony: wow ray, as always great, great, great stuff from you. amazing work! of course, we look forward to hearing from you again come next monday!
    ray: no problem guys!
    anthony: there he is ladies and gentlemen, the great ray didiginger!

    1. This comment was funnier than anything in the post. The only thing you forgot to mention was that Pete the plumber would tell them that he takes his lunch pail to work everyday.

    2. Great work there. You need to use the HTML tags to indicate when Gargano starts using that voice when he sounds like Astro from the Jetsons.

      1. thanks gents. ill get to work on a morning show one and a josh innes one too. honestly, there was more i wanted to post but i was up against the clock for the start of the work day.

  8. Nick Foles was run over by an overgrown Wookie, almost tossing his cookies
    And what happened then…? Well…in South Philly they say
    That Peter’s small beard grew three sizes that day!
    And then the true meaning of “Team” came through,
    And Peter’s found the strength of ten Redskins… plus two!

  9. Foles showed a lot, he got up after a lot of hard hits and was still fairly mobile (for him). Did anyone notice the only one with Foles while he was down was Robinson from WAS?

    Also, +5 for the Die Hard with a Vengeance reference. Great flick.

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