From the Eagles edition of Drew Magary’s annual, league-wide Why Your Team Sucks column series:
I cannot think of a fanbase that is less deserving of having the most innovative offensive team in football. Chip Kelly is wasted on these people because, at all times, they demand the precise opposite of whatever the Eagles are doing. RUN THE BALL! NOW YOU’RE RUNNING TOO MUCH! NO, DON’T PASS IT! THIS OFFENSE IS TOO GIMMICKY! YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? MORE BRAD SMITH GADGET PLAYS! Philly fans are a collective stream of idiotic consciousness. They shift like ice floes and drift toward the stupidest opinion possible, and then head for the next stupid opinion the moment any semblance of rationality is detected. Look at these people. This is a perfect Eagles fan family. The father is a drunken asshole. The son is a grimy, filthy, stubbly dipshit. Everyone yells at each other. People wear flippers in a fucking hot tub for no reason. It’s a traffic jam of meatheadedness.
Also, fuck Ron Jaworski forever. His voice gives me hives.
There’s a lot more of that over here, including a treasure trove of reader emails that are about as entertaining as anything you’ll read all day.