Gooooooooooooooooooood morning, Philadelphia! Summer vacation is over, the kids are heading back to school, and everyone is back in the office, chained to desks until after the last drop of snow falls sometime in March. Today is easily one of my favorite days of the year. I’ve been walking around the house proclaiming it Work Christmas and now I think Mrs. CB wants a divorce before even three months of marriage. I feel like the dad in that Most Wonderful Time of Year Staples commercial from a few years back. Yeah, yeah, I know everyone hates today, and I feel you, but the Eagles’ season is just five days away, the Flyers are slowly starting to migrate back into town, the Phillies just thew a no-hitter, and the webnets are aflood – aflood! – with naked pictures of your favorite celebrities– Kate Upton’s saggy breasts, JLaw(!), a haggard-looking Kirsten Dunst, and Justin Verlander’s floppy penis.*
*Can someone please tell me why he doesn’t have any foreskin? One of the great mysteries of our time will forever be “Why doesn’t Justin Verlander have foreskin? And why is Kate Upton seemingly OK with this?”
Let’s hit it!
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The Phillies pitched a no-hitter yesterday! And no one cares. I know it’s a combined no-hitter and not nearly as big of a deal, but boy is everyone nonchalant about it. When I told my dad (who loves no-hitters more than anything in sports) about it yesterday, he responded with a euphoric meh. This is what the Phillies have done to us. A Labor Day no-hitter against the Braves and no one gives a shit. Think I’m kidding? Philly.com this morning:
It’s second fiddle to conjecturing Eagles stories and slightly more important than a two-years-from-now Sixer taking an elbow from Andres Nocioni. Fun times.
Cole Hamels said the game ball will go to David Montgomery:pic via (@RyanLawrence21)