Your Monday Morning Roundup: Pick up the Shield and Fight

Photo credit: Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports
Photo credit: Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Please set all of your Madden machines to Sanchize mode, where you take a forgotten and overlooked quarterback and try to have him lead your team on the road to victory… but be sure to avoid pitfalls along the way– women, chicken tenders and butts.

Let’s hit it!


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Tickets. We have the best available tickets for Eagles games on the secondary market rounded up at Crossing Broad Tickets.

NRG. So happy to see their home team lose yesterday… but stay tuned for more giveaways courtesy of the great Eagles sponsor, NRG Energy.


The roundup:

On Culture: Chip Kelly told the WIP Morning Show that the Eagles’ 79 plays and tempo had a “cumulative effect” on the Texans and that players felt they had worn them down by the end of the game. This is Chip’s extra 2%. It’s the reason the Eagles can go downfield and score on a handful of run plays. This is the direct result of Kelly’s culture. We can spend a year talking about smoothies, sleep monitors and loud music at practices, but being able to bring in a backup quarterback to finish off a worn down defense is the real-world manifestation of all that Unconventionality.

Problem: Guys like DeMeco Ryans are necessary to creating said culture. He’s gone now, and everyone is sad about it:

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There’s no official word yet on how long Foles will be out, but we’re just going to go ahead and assume that Sanchez is the quarterback for the next month or so. Probably more.

This is just Halloween at TMZ offices:

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And in the Cheesesteak Sports cave:

And on reader Caitlin:

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This is the second I met Allen Iverson and he was kind of a dick story I heard this weekend:

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TV fragmentation is taking its toll on cable.

Mark Sanchez running into Lane Johnson.

pic via the NFL
pic via the NFL

Not gonna lie– I kind of have a problem with this. Unlike the guy above him, the dog didn’t sign up to be dangled from the roof of Jerry’s world. I’m sure all the Texas meatheads got a nice thrill out of it, though. That’s what counts, obviously.

Here’s DeSean Jaccson calling a Vikings fan I think an MFer. The Redskins lost, 29-26. Jay Gruden lambasted the media over reports that the locker room wasn’t in support of RGIII returningTheir team bus got in an accident with its police escort before the game. They’re suing five Native Americans who have a problem with their nameAnd there was a huge protest over it before the game. Glad to see things are back to normal for Washington.

Taylor Swift’s World Tour is coming to The Linc on June 13 and, yes, in fact I am going to buy tickets for it:

The extra yards Chris Polk gets after contact (via Brandon Lee Gowton).

A mummer and his daughter assaulted a homeless man and shot him in the leg.

Jay Glazer reports the Eagles did in fact try to trade for Vincent Jackson.

Nascar drivers beating the shit of each other is hilarious.

Drew Rosenhaus’ wife.

A longform article on the history of goalie mask art.

It’s only a matter of time before the Cowboys’ annual implosion (it may have come early this year!).


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30 Responses

  1. TOP FIVE NHL ELITE GOALIE STEVE MASON with another loss Saturday night. Its November and TOP FIVE NHL ELITE GOALIE STEVE MASON is still winless and now throwing his teammates under the bus.

    I guess he won’t be thanking his fellow Flyers in his Vezina acceptance speech this June, eh Kyle?

    1. Didn’t you hear? They solved the problem of why Mason is winless this year?

      The Wells Fargo Center is too bright!

    1. If those people knew how to make picks, they would be making picks for themselves and be millionaires.

      Instead, they are trying to get people to go to their website.

      1. The 2 ways to become a millionaire:

        1. Hard work, determination, sacrifice, innovation and a bit of good luck.
        2: Tell 1 million people, “If you give me a dollar, I will tell you how to become a millionaire.”

  2. first of all it’s not a dog…it’s a Military K-9 Officer. and not just any K-9 Officer but his partner. This particular German Shepherd Dog was hand selected and the rewards for him are endless.

      1. Of being a smug prick with that retort…”a dog”..say thank you and move along.

      2. That “dog’s” life is more meaningful and worth a hell of a lot more than yours, you worthless gutless piece of trash.

  3. Ummm, Kyle, maybe a little more information when posting random pics? Any idea why that military person and his dog were rappelling in Jerry’s world?

  4. Son. Please step out of the closet. Taylor Swift? Really? You’re supposed to let the wifey do that with her GF’s. This is kinda like when she says “I want to go get a manicure”. That’s when you say “When will you be home?” Never is it “ohhhh let’s do it! Think a french manicure is more my style?”

  5. That K9 dawg is thinking ” Where’s my Snausages ?”
    Don’t bicker now, worry about when the shit goes down, and that Military K9 is sniffing around your house looking for “persons of interest”.
    a African Grey is smarter than most commentors.

    Dogs are family.

    1. An African Grey is also not a dog, it’s a parrot. But I agree, they have the IQ of a 3 year old.

  6. If you make a “Pick up the shield and fight” t-shirt, I will find you and personally punch you in the face, you wh0re.

    1. Man’s gotta make a living (L-I-V-I-N) and people are buying the stuff… I don’t begrudge the man so that he can make a dollar.

  7. Kyle:
    Usually you do a passable job at the blog life. Usually. Today, not so much. There are two points of contention I feel I must mention.

    1) I’m pretty sure that was the first time the dog had either parachuted or zip lined into action. And you could tell how much he/she hated it by the amount of excited wriggling his/her entire body was exhibiting. WRIGGLING equals sign FEAR.

    2) You’re an adult male. Please stop giving overgrown stork girl money so that she writes more shit songs about her crap life in NYC. And don’t tell everyone about the fact you gave her money to continue writing shitty songs. Looks like Mrs. CB not only took your balls and put them in her back pocket, she also had them bronzed.

    Kudos to you.

    1. I’m not sure what you’re getting at. I agree with you that the dog thing was terrible. But Taylor Swift is awesome and very talented.

      1. Taylor Swift is super talented. She’s a singer that only needs four backing vocalists onstage with her live to cover up her limited range and ability.

      2. I apologize for the scattered nature of my post this morning, it was during my constitutional, so there you have it. On what grounds do you base her talent and awesomeness? The fact that she’s had the same song written for her since she broke into the “country” scene at 14? If she could write a different song about literally anything else; Christ, I don’t care, pancakes; she would display some modicum of talent. There are two points I’m trying to drive home here: quit cherry-picking a seemingly non related grab bag of topics it took you 3 minutes to throw together on a Monday morning, and Taylor swift is part of the problem; not the solution.

      3. And also, I disagree with you about the canine. Both parties involved were thrilled to be a part of the ceremony. The dog was wriggling with joy. Literally.

  8. “This is the second I met Allen Iverson and he was kind of a dick story I heard this weekend”

    Here’s a newsflash. Allen Iverson is a dick. End of story. He’s as rotten a human being you can be, right down to his core. Don’t be shocked that people meet him and find him to be a dick. He is a dick. He was a dick when he played here. He was a dick at Georgetown. He’s been a dick all his life. He’ll be a dick all his life.

    Allen Iverson is a dick.

  9. reader caitlin might have the smallest tits ever. that beeing said, id love to see them. as long as shes over 18 of course.

  10. Taylor Swift? Are you fucking kidding me? Does your wife stick a dildo up your ass and make you eat the shit off it? I thought you were being ironic at first, but when you actually said that she is “awesome” and “very talented” I knew I was dealing with one very sad and pathetic motherfucker. Her “music” is embarrassing dreck admired by ridiculous teenage girls. Dude, come on! You can’t be serious!

Comments are closed.