Sixers

UPDATE: The Sixers Won a Game, but Do We Get Papa John’s?

By Kyle Scott

Published: Dec 4th, 2014 · 9:26 AM EST

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http://youtu.be/sThmSljke14

The Sixers won a game last night and everyone took to the streets to celebrate. Did I get that right?

Those there are your, um, highlights from a 85-77 thriller(?) in Minnesota. The Sixers once again avoided a dubious (losing) record and inched just a step closer to not getting the number one pick next year.

But perhaps the most interesting question, one that has to be bouncing around the mind of a drunken pizza CEO, was brought up by (@SteveMcG22): Do we still get 50% off Papa John’s today?

If you’ll recall, Papa John’s lowered their threshold for discounting pizza when it became obvious that the Sixers, if lucky, would win ones of games this year. Sixers win and save 50% turned into Sixers merely approach the NBA average for points per game and save 50%. But they didn’t even manage to do that last night. We seem to have located a tear in the logic circuitry. But maybe that’s for the best. A Sixers win and no one is shoving Papa John’s shitty food down our throats? Now that’s a double-double I can get behind.

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Separately: I haven’t been one bit embarrassed to be a Sixers fan this season. I get what they’re doing and think it makes sense. But their Twitter account gloating about it like they just clinched a playoff spot – with a Marc Zumoff-Denise Lynam selfie thrown in for good measure – made me all sorts of uncomfortable. Like, yeah, cool, they won, but maybe just a little restraint so as to not remind people that you’re probably going to wind up being the worst team in the history of organized sport? Just a bit? Just a weeee tinnnny bit of restraint?

Ah fuck it! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5:

UPDATE: YES!