Photo credit: Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

This is Patricia Driscoll:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MAbYIrniY4

Deadspin couldn’t find out why that video was made, though it seems like it was Driscoll’s attempt at pitching a reality show about her insane life. Driscoll is many things. She is the president of the Armed Forces Foundation. She is a mom. She’s five-foot-zero-dark-thirty. She owns Frontline Defense Systems — a defense contractor that provides equipment to the government and the private sector. She is an author. She is the ex-girlfriend of NASCAR driver Kurt Busch. And, according to Busch, she is also a trained assassin.

In a court hearing regarding a protective order — because Driscoll accused Busch of “smashing her head into a motorhome wall three times” — Busch claimed that his now ex is a trained and experienced assassin. According to the AP:

Busch said Driscoll repeatedly asserted her assassin status and claimed the work took her on missions across Central and South America and Africa. He recounted a time they were in El Paso, Texas, when Driscoll left in camouflage gear only to return later wearing a trench coat over an evening gown covered with blood.

Busch said that, a day earlier, Driscoll told him she was a mercenary who killed people for a living and had shown him pictures of bodies with gunshot wounds.

Kurt Busch, NASCAR driver accused of beating his ex-girlfriend in motorhome on infield of Dover Downs Speedway, accused said ex-girlfriend, a defense contractor, of being an off-the-books governmental killer. Ain’t that America. Busch continued, according to the News Journal:

Driscoll’s alleged background as a trained assassin who had experience killing drug lords via long-range sniper rifles and close combat tactics – including the use of knives and poison – became a major talking point during the latter stages of the hearing.

On both Monday and Tuesday, Busch said he still believes Driscoll is a trained assassin, despite some of his doubts and questioning by friends.

This sounds like the plot to a very terrible (but very successful) Lifetime Original Movie. And why? Because it basically is. “Driscoll called Busch’s assertion ‘ludicrous,’ saying he took it ‘straight from a fictional movie script’ she has been working on for eight years and that he has proofread.”

But it’s not all coming from Busch. ESPN:

Last month, Michael Doncheff, who served as a personal assistant to Busch and Driscoll, said an ailing Driscoll told him in September that she had been picked up by a big man and slammed to the ground while helping round up immigrants at the Mexican border, a story Doncheff considered “far-fetched.”

Doncheff said Driscoll also asserted that she was a trained assassin for the U.S. government and once told him, “I take down foreign governments. I own Washington.”

During the hearing, which stretched over four days, neither Driscoll nor her attorney refuted the testimony.

This… this might be why the terrorists hate us.