PRT: The Philly Roller Girls Have Gone Gender-Neutral

Thankfully not this roller girl
But thankfully not this roller girl

This, is maybe the most ridiculous press release I’ve ever received. To the PRT!

No Longer Girls: Philly Roller Derby Rolls Into 2015
10th Season Redefines the Future with Gender Neutral Moniker

To say I am giddy about what follows would be an understatement.

Philadelphia, PA: Today, Philly Roller Derby (PRD) is proud to announce the decision to drop the gender-specific ‘girls’ from the league’s namesake. General Manager, Joe Salenetri said, “As our league and the sport of roller derby continue to grow, it has become evident that identifying as ‘roller girls’ may feel exclusionary to some in our community.” The change comes at a perfect time; founded in 2005, PRD is about to begin their 10th season.

Look, let’s call this what it is, roller derby is not a sport– it’s, at best, a physical event two steps above being a Wingette and one step above riding the mechanical bull at Xfinity Live!. Just a quick search on the Roller Girls – er, Derby – site uncovers matches between teams with names like Lehigh Valley Special Vixens Unit (awesome, by the way) and Heavy Metal Hookers. If we feel the need to not be exclusionary, maybe we should start with the team names and work backwards from there, otherwise those in the community who are not assaulted call girls will start to feel left out.

Many skaters in the league have no reservations about the update, and believe it’s more representative of the roller derby community in Philadelphia.

“Girls” did seem like a bit of a stretch in some cases.

Heavy Flo, who joined PRD in 2008, is in favor of the revision.

Wait, wait, wait– we’re dropping “girls” from the name of a league that includes a skater named Heavy Flo, who, it seems, used to play for a team called The Steel Vaginas? OK, just checking.

“We are comprised of women, men, young adults, and children,” she said. “We are athletes that should be recognized beyond our gender, but rather for our sport.” Her sentiment is echoed by fellow skater, Castro, who has been with the league since its inception in 2005 and seen the evolution of the sport: “Simply put, our organization is not just a group of girls. We are a collective of people who tirelessly work to bring the empowering sport of roller derby to our fair city.”

And if you want to join the collective, you’ll have to participate in tryouts dubbed the “fresh meat training program.”

PRD will undergo a rebrand to accommodate the change, but not to worry – the iconic Liberty-Bell-roller-skate logo will not otherwise be impacted. Regarding future changes to the league, Salenteri noted, “A name change is just one step in creating a welcoming and safe environment for all of our current and future members.”

I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for that last one. I got too distracted watching what has to be the lowest moment of Gregg Murphy’s career… and this is a guy who was on the broadcast team for the 2014 Phillies:

They’ll always be the Roller Girls. To me, anyway.


24 Responses

  1. Let’s take the Roller Girls around town in a limo and film someone having sex with them.

    1. Everything about the hipster culture makes me sick. Lena Dunham is their representative. Need I say more?

  2. Gender neutral? So now we have to watch chics with dicks slapping it all up in the rink? That makes ma clit hard !

  3. Kyle Scott!!!!!! What are you doing posting pictures of big titty bitches????

    Don’t you have a chase utley poster to beat off to????!


  4. The 1st chick has a nice firm set of bigguns and oh btw did I mention that I once scored four touchdowns in a game?

  5. It is called transhumanism.

    It is part of the agenda. The new normal.

    Get used to it, slaves.

    1. yep. everyone is equal, but anyone with a “protected” bullshit “identity” is more equal.

      1. Transgender people are mentally insane. If I chopped off one my right hand to feel “comfortable” , I’d be put in a insane asylum where these nuts belong. I believe we don’t choose who we’re attracted to, but stop forcing your agenda and insanity down our throats.

    1. Interestingly, the Abbaye hosts a vegan wing bowl fundraiser for them each year and it is coming up.

  6. Does anyone else see the uncanny resemblance between Michael phelps and Walter whites retard son?

    Hashtag Kyle sucks
    Hashtag Kyle is gay
    Hashtag Kyle loves baseball.

  7. Nice work trolling the Roller Girls in hopes that they link to your page to complain about this horrible article. It would have been better if it had a point.

    Besides, you would not be able to make it around the track once.

  8. Roller-girl trolling blogger states previous expose’ is “low point in David Murphy’s career”.

    What the fuck, do you have no sense at all?

  9. Leggs Benedict? Cradle of Shove? Ginger Vitus?

    I bet these sluts have the best Fantasy Football team names.

  10. It’s because the bull-dykes are getting tired of being referred to as girls. No really, it’s true.

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