Ryan Howard’s New Children’s Book Drops Tomorrow

Kyle Scott - January 26, 2015

Voila_Capture 2015-01-26_11-05-10_AM

I’m sorry, what?

Ryan and Krystle Howard (a former teacher) have released their first in a series of children’s books about the baseball adventures of… wait for it… keep waiting… here goes: Little Rhino!

From the book’s description on Amazon, which lists the author as a guy whose career highlight came nine years ago:

A new chapter book series from Major League Baseball’s 2006 National League MVP, Ryan Howard!

Every day when Little Rhino comes home from school, he finishes his homework, grabs his bat, his glove, and runs outside to meet Grandpa James. They always practice catching and hitting in the backyard. Playing baseball with grandfather is Little Rhino’s favorite thing to do, especially when he pretends to be a real Major League homerun hitter.

One afternoon, after a long day of second grade, Little Rhino comes home to find out that Grandpa James has signed him up for a baseball league! Little Rhino will finally be a part of a team! But Little Rhino will quickly learn that is not always so easy to a good teammate, especially when there’s a bully wearing the same uniform as you.

From Major League Baseball superstar Ryan Howard and his wife, Krystle Howard, a former elementary school teacher, this exciting new series is a fun read for sports and book fans alike!

I’m going to be extremely upset if the bully is not a wedgie-giving narcissist named Five-Eighths, because Howard wrote in the prologue: “Not everything in these books happened to me, but a lot of it is based on my life!” Oh boy, I can’t wait for the one where Little Rhino is backwards-K’ed by Tiny Gimpy, or the one where Grandpa James tells Little Rhino he’s not welcome on the team anymore and no other team wants him because he commands too many orange wedges. That would serve as a harsh dose of reality to those sickeningly rosy youngsters.

27 Comments

  • Steve from KOP January 26, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    Who will be the Phillies starting shortstop?

    Reply
  • Senile Citizens Bank Park January 26, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    Can’t wait for the chapter when Rhino marries the white gold digger.

    Reply
  • Mace Tyrell January 26, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    Is there a chapter where Little Rhino learns how to strike 200 times in a season?

    Reply
  • Your Mother January 26, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    “But Little Rhino will quickly learn that is not always so easy to a good teammate, especially when there’s a bully wearing the same uniform as you.”

    Ok, I’m no literary genius, or claim to even know simple proper grammar. But who the hell wrote that shit? Who the hell edited it?

    Or did Kyle screw up copy and paste? He’s an expert at that so I don’t see him messing that up.

    Reply
  • The Sheriff is a Ni January 26, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Where the white women at???

    Reply
  • Bob January 26, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    “But Little Rhino will quickly learn that is not always so easy to a good teammate, especially when there’s a bully wearing the same uniform as you.”

    Howard is clearly taking a shot at Ryne Sandberg by calling the the name of his character “Little Rino.” He’s basically saying that Sandberg is a bully. LOL!

    Reply
    • Your Mother January 26, 2015 at 1:09 pm

      Bob, Rhino is Ryan Howards nick name. Just sayin’.

      Reply
      • Bob January 26, 2015 at 1:18 pm

        “Ryno” is Ryne Sandberg’s nickname. Ryan Howard is the “Big Piece.” He’s never been referred to as Rhino. Like I said, he’s taking a clear shot at Sandberg.

        Reply
        • Your Mother January 26, 2015 at 1:38 pm

          I’m sorry Bob, but you’re still wrong. Please read it again. Little Rhino is not the bully. Little Rhino has to deal with a bully, not named Rhino. But yes, I’ve heard both men referred to as Rhino in the past. Players call Ryan Howard “Rhino” when speaking about him. Frequently.

          Reply
          • Kyle Scott January 26, 2015 at 1:49 pm

            Is this happening?

          • Your Mother January 26, 2015 at 2:01 pm

            Yes son, it is. I just want to make sure all of my children understand the context of this story. It’s so damn riveting! Tolkien would applaud this if his skeletal hands wouldn’t fall apart in doing so.

  • The Sheriff is a Ni January 26, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Hey bob…. Eat my ass out!

    Reply
    • Dini January 26, 2015 at 1:25 pm

      Whoaaaaa!!!!!

      Bob, u got owned!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!

      Reply
  • Me. Papageorgio January 26, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    Do any of you care about all the local firehouses that got raided by state police for illegal gambling machines???

    Big daddy GRAHMM was pissed about it

    Reply
    • Dini January 26, 2015 at 1:24 pm

      BIG DADDY GRAHMM IS THE BEST THING ON RADIO HANDS DOWN!!!!

      Reply
      • Reggie Dunlop January 26, 2015 at 10:06 pm

        Somebody please tell me what Big Daddy’s daughter’s lunch box smells like?

        Reply
  • RubenSux January 26, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    This big piece of monkey shit should worry less about his book with his whore white wife and worry about how he can’t fucking hit.
    Fuck you.

    Reply
    • Bob January 26, 2015 at 1:21 pm

      RubenSux, you appear to need an enema.

      Reply
    • Dini January 26, 2015 at 1:27 pm

      Dude. It doesn’t matter bro!!!

      Nobody gives a crap about baseball in philly!!!

      Baseball is totally dead.

      This is a football city !!!

      Reply
      • Reggie Dunlop January 26, 2015 at 10:10 pm

        Comcast disagrees, to the tune of $5 billion dollars.

        I will go with their assessment over yours, no offense.

        Reply
  • For Who, For What January 26, 2015 at 1:19 pm

    (a former teacher), and former Eagles cheerleader who ended up with a local professional athlete.

    True story, was at the gas station near plymouth meeting/blue bell a few years ago before heading down to the game. She walks out of the store and everyone could not stop staring at her, heels,short skirt, little top, tits hanging out, the works. Of course she walks right over to the Aston Martin filling up gas. Mr Howard stepped out and wasn’t to happy at some of the looks we were giving her, but dam she looked good. Howard was on the DL and playing like crap that season, but he didn’t care b/c he was coming home to that every night. Cheers.

    Reply
    • MJ January 26, 2015 at 2:19 pm

      Naming your daughter Crystal gives her a better than 50% chance of being a stripper or hooker later in life. Krystal with a K puts it at about 65%. Misspelling Krystal as Krystle condemns your daughter to a harsh fate. Almost guaranteed. You’ll never see “Senator Krystle Jones from Rhode Island”, ever.

      Reply
  • Ted Danson January 26, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    Where’s the post about the Kings placing Mike Richards on waivers, Kyle? I can’t believe the Flyers traded him for Wayne Simmonds and Brayden Schenn…

    Reply
  • Bob January 26, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    Baseball is awesome. I love it. Football is way too barbaric. Phillies own this town. The Eagles have never won a Super Bowl. All the hitting in football is so uncivilized. These guys are killing themselves out there and getting all these concussions. I really think they should ban football. Baseball is much more enjoyable to watch on tv. And might I add …. Thank god mlb banned home plate collisions and ped’s. I don’t like big strong super athletes hurting each other. Baseball is the best!

    Reply
    • Da badass January 26, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      Dude, Bob, ur a huge pussy.

      Reply
  • FIRE JIm January 26, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    Jim get fired yet?

    Reply
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