The Phillies Sent out a Bunch of “Happy Birthday” Emails Today, Apparently to People Who Were Born in the Fall

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The Phillies are sending follow-up emails to people who didn’t take advantage of their birthday “gift” four months ago.

Email from reader Michael:


My birthday is in October.  I guess since these Phillies don’t play in that month, they are offering this absurd deal as an apology.

Email from reader Daniel:


My Birthday was last October..

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This is like texting a friend and asking them why they haven’t personally thanked you for or liked the birthday wishes they put on your Facebook wall.* Don’t be that person, Phillies.**

*It is 100% acceptable to do a blanket post thanking people for all the wishes, and it’s OK to do it late the night of your birthday or the next day. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a needy addict who probably sends you invites to buy a tractor on their fake farm and you should unfriend them immediately. 

**You know, earlier I joked about what the Phillies would’ve sent that sad Flyers kid had they been in that position…

… and right on cue, they embarrass themselves.


10 Responses

    1. It’s like that really stupid website that published this in a post:

      “Well, that’s it. The Eagles won ten games and missed the playoffs. ”

      And then published this just a few sentences later:

      “Tickets. We have the best available tickets for Eagles games on the secondary market rounded up at Crossing Broad Tickets.”

  1. It seems like Ruben must run the entire show over there. I bet he has Phillies “rules” all over the walls.

    1. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
    2. If it doesn’t work the first time, throw more money at it.
    3. Better late than never.
    4. Baseball players age like wine. (I hope)
    5. Stats you say? Get the hell off my lawn! is there a stat for “gritty” btw?

  2. They should print a cartoon of the Phanatic shooting a hot dog at Muhammed. Just to keep things interesting.

  3. As long as that Big Piece of Fucking Monkey Shit it here, they will not get one fucking penny of my money.
    Fuck you Rube.

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