And Another Eagles Beat Writer Complains About Front Office Silence

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Must be February.

Reuben Frank, generally vaccinated against these sorts of whiny articles (consider Les Bowen an anti-vaxxer in this case), went hard after the Eagles today, complaining about lack of access to management after “one of the most significant front office changes in franchise history,” not because it would make his job easier, but on behalf of you, the fan:

This isn’t about disgruntled media not having access to the owner or coach. We’ll find other stories to write. We’ll find other people to talk to. We’ll still be able to do our jobs just fine.

It’s not about us. It’s about you.

It’s about a football team that charges about $100 per average ticket, ninth-highest in the NFL, but refuses to explain its thinking to its loyal and die-hard fans, many of whom have supported the team during its half century without a championship.

The Eagles don’t believe it’s important to communicate with you and your friends and family, and that’s their right, but it’s a real slap in the face to fans who spend thousands of dollars a year in tickets, parking, jerseys, food and merchandise a year to support their team.

Right, right. Got it. Us– the fans. But here’s the thing: no one cares. Roob ticked off a list of questions that he would ask (more on those in a sec), few of which would elicit an honest answer. Whatever Lurie, Kelly, Roseman or the new guy, Mayonnaise or some shit, would say in press conference setting would be highly scripted. Most reporting on the matter has unearthed that Chip and Howie didn’t get along, and when it came time to choose between the two, Lurie decided on the guy who is reinventing football.

Further, the same thing happened last year with DeSean Jaccson. The beats complained because it would be X months before Chip would be forced to answer questions about reports of DeSean’s impending demise. After the release– same deal: WE WON’T HEAR FROM HIM UNTIL TRAINING CAMP, OH NOS!

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But… we will hear from Kelly and Lurie. Who cares if they haven’t talked in a month? Who cares if Chip won’t be forced to talk until late March, at the owners meetings? We’re seven months away from football season (ugh), and between now and Week 1, Kelly and Lurie, and presumably Roseman and Hellmann’s, will all speak to the media at some point. We will, in fact, hear from Lurie, like we do every. single. summer. during the pompously-nicknamed State of the Team address. The Eagles’ reasons for not wanting to talk right now, for not wanting to tip their hand on the draft, quarterback position and defensive plans, are obvious.

But, since Roob has so many questions (which served as his lede), I’ll do my best to answer them, probably more accurately than Lurie would:

What makes Jeff Lurie think Chip Kelly can handle complete control of personnel just two years after getting his very first NFL job?

Probably because he’s 20-12 after his first two seasons in the NFL with Michael Vick, Nick Foles and Mark Sanchez at quarterback. Because he’s widely credited with reinventing the game. Because he went from coaching at New Hampshire to four-straight BCS Bowl Game appearances at Oregon. Because Bill Belichick sought his advice on running an up-tempo offense. In short, because he seems like he knows what he’s doing and his former boss was apparently fighting him on every move.

Why did Lurie reassign Howie Roseman and pay him nearly $2 million to not be involved in personnel?

Because he’s loyal and rich enough to do that kind of thing to assuage strained relationships.

And what exactly will Roseman do on a daily basis to earn that roughly $33,000 he’s earning per week?

Go through the mind-numbing process of managing the NFL’s crazy-confusing salary cap. And process all maintenance requests on workout equipment.

What makes 30-year-old Ed Marynowitz the right guy to be Kelly’s top personnel assistant?

Because he’ll bring out the best in Chip.

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Where did things go wrong with Tom Gamble? And if Kelly had been given complete personnel control a few days earlier, would Gamble still be here?

OK… now that’s a good question.

Why was Kelly so adamant about creating a front office where Roseman, the Eagles’ GM for five years, was no longer involved in evaluating and selecting players?

Because Roseman was gestated in a business school spreadsheet and has no concept of how to build a winning football team. Also probably because he’s a dork.

What involvement, if any, will Roseman have on draft day?

“Do you want one cream or two in that coffee, Mr. Kelly?”

There, wasn’t that easy?

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23 Responses

  1. “If you think for one second that we give one flying fuck about sportswriters or the fans, you are sadly mistaken. We care only about the Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus here and if Hiram Finklebaum was an NFL coach, he would be here and not “Video Game Offense That Will NEVER WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP” Chip. We have a season ticket waiting list now approaching 100,000 so if you don’t like it, I don’t fucking care”–Gay Jeffy
    Gold Standard–BLOW ME you c-oc-ksucking Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  2. Note to Roob and the rest of the media: If I’m not happy with the product including communication from the team, I will stop paying for the product.

  3. This was actually an entertaining and solid post. Well done Kyle. You’ve met your quota for the week and can return to mediocrity so we have something to complain about.

    The sportswriters should just interview each other about how disgusted they are with the Eagles. I could care less if Chip, Roseman, and Lurie disappeared into a cave like Bin Laden the day after the season ends as long as when they reappear they start winning playoff games. This will be Chip’s third season, if he doesn’t produce this year, we will have problems.

    1. Not that there’s anything wrong with this, but Roob’s one of the guys that you will often see at random sporting events using his press pass to get in and get the free food supplied for members of the press corps.

  4. The problem here is the media. Not surprising. The media has gotten so carried away with the NFL that it tries to make it a sport thats 365 days a year. Its not. It is the offseason. How would they feel if while they were on vacation or taking time off for other reasons someone complained non stop about them not writing any stories. There are way too many Eagles/NFL reporters now that there just isnt enough stories for them all to cover and thats why they complain about the lack of availability. And then they use the fans as an excuse. There are definitely plenty of Eagles/NFL fans out there that require daily updates. But they are in the minority. Even some of the most passionate football fans can realize that its the offseason and there isnt going to be a story until something actually happens.

    1. 100% agree. I am a diehard Eagles fan, but I am also a diehard Phillies, Flyers, and Sixers fan too. Now I understand that the bulk of the year will be Eagles talk simply because they are the most popular team in the city, but not 365 days a year! I love Eagles talk, but I need a break from the sport every so often, just like I do from MLB, NHL and NBA.

      The media (including talk radio) has just milked the Eagles talk everyday and it has honestly turned me off where I am burned out from the meaningless conversations. This Mariota talk is ridiculous and shouldn’t even be speculated until a week or two before the draft where someone in the media has a source that a deal may happen. Right now they are just drumming it up because there is nothing else to talk about.

  5. If 29 other NFL teams can talk, why cannot the Eagles. Granted they won’t say anything, but there really isn’t anything else to talk about Philly Sports wise right now.

  6. Marynowitz sounds nothing like Mayonnaise. Not at all.

    Poor Roob. It’s very hard for these writers to write a story which isn’t written for them. That’s the problem here. Maybe they should, ya know. Write a fucking story which isn’t just quotes and nothing but criticism of said quotes. These guys lack creativity so they lash out when the news fodder dries up.

  7. chip kelly aka mr smoothie aka fast talkin’ willy is turning out to be a fraud

    – can’t beat good teams
    – can’t draft players
    – can bench defensive players or overrule cement head billy davis

    will soon learn what the NFL stands for when you fuck up….. ‘Not For Long’

  8. “Probably because he’s 20-12 after his first two seasons in the NFL with Michael Vick, Nick Foles and Mark Sanchez at quarterback.”

    What’s his record against winning teams?

  9. “Because he’s widely credited with reinventing the game”

    If going 0-1 in the playoffs your first year, then starting the next season 9-3 and missing the playoffs is considered “reinventing” the game, then yes, he reinvented it.

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