Marcus Hayes Wrote Some Drivel Today

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1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 4, 2, 1, 1, 5, 3, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 4, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 3, 2, 1, 1.

Do you know what that sequence of numbers represents?

No, it’s not the transcript of an interview with The Count.

Nor is it the final thought of a dying Speak & Spell.


Those are the sentence-per-paragraph counts from Marcus Hayes’ latest Daily News column.

Hayes, a leading columnist(?) for a big boy publication, wrote a ~1,000-word article that contained only three – 3! – paragraphs longer than three sentences in length. Unofficially, there were 29 one-sentence paragraphs.

That’s bad.

Laughable even.

I doubt it makes many teams sweat.

Any team, for that matter.

How can one sweat from reading such rudimentary prose?

Anyway, as you might have guessed, Hayes’ piece is another hit on Sam Hinkie, who has a philosophy, not a plan, according to Hayes.

It’s mostly drivel, so I won’t waste my time grammatically crinkling it up and tossing it into the digital wastebasket of the interwebs. But, let’s dumpster-dive for a few rare gems of opinionated blabble.

Dismissing Hinkie and his newfangled analytics:

But it is anything but a multifaceted “Plan” with mind-addling complexities suited only for analytics conventioneers.

The Philosophy is simple.

Hinkie and his front-office brain trust, of which Brown clearly is not a member, compile draft picks to acquire as many young, talented and cheap Assets as possible. They nurture them in their analytics-fueled playing style.


Contradictions on Embiid:

Embiid is a 7-footer with freakish athleticism. He is a once-a-decade talent. Embiid also spent his formative years playing volleyball. His practical experience includes two full seasons of high school basketball and 4 months as a part-time player at Kansas. He will need half-a-decade to realize his potential.

Embiid has shown competence at nothing except gaining weight and cleverly tweeting.


And on Noel (try not to get whiplash here):

The Sixers simply delayed their Point Guard Development Program to match the painfully slow metamorphosis of Nerlens Noel and Embiid.

Noel is an off-the-charts ballhound . . . who has shown almost no competence in a halfcourt offense, but that was expected.



MCW is a good player; surely, he cannot wait to display that tonight, when the Sixers visit him in Milwaukee. He has boundless potential. Anyone with his talent can improve; incredibly, his talent is being maliciously devalued. Carter-Williams is worth as much as any player the pick is likely to bring.

[Jim, mocking Hayes:  Embiid sucks. Noel sucks. MCW IS SO TALENTED.]


And yet, he continually pointed out that it was a good trade:

It makes no sense for MCW, 1 year from NBA competence, to wait 5 years for the franchise player to develop. Most NBA careers don’t even last half a decade. After losing, say, 240 games in his first four seasons, Carter-Williams surely would be willing to do anything to escape Lottery Pick Purgatory.

Having him waste good years in Philadelphia would have been foolish. A reigning rookie of the year with excellent size, fine offensive instincts and the ability to finish at the rim, MCW never will have greater trade value than the protected pick the Sixers got from the Lakers.

Considering the Philosophy, this was a splendid trade.

Lost in this iambic pentameter of shit is some legitimate skepticism born from first-hand observation (it’s almost like Hayes is a real columnist!).

Hayes wonders whether Brown will become discouraged by watching the fruits of his labor be enjoyed elsewhere.

A real concern.

He thinks the Sixers, and the champions of their “philosophy,” were wrong to tout MCW’s physical gifts and then sit idly by as a whisper campaign smeared the young point guard’s skill set.

A fair point.

And he wonders if continually kicking the can down the road is a dangerous, high-risk strategy that could horrifically backfire.

Me too.

But all these points fall on blind eyes because his anti-analytics, anti-Hinkie, anti-progress bias is so grotesquely one-sided that it’s nearly impossible to separate the legitimate concerns from the lazy, space-filling poop that emits from his fat fingers. Plop, plop…

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… fizz.

Horrific Daily News signage photos courtesy of (@phillygirl1985)


22 Responses

  1. I on enjoyed this article about the sixers. Marcus speaks what I’m thinking about hinkie. Hinkie reminds me of a degenerate gambler & Brett brown be the battered wife

    1. You can hold your head high knowing you’re on the same said as great thinkers like Cataldi, Bruno, Big Daddy, Marcus Hayes, and many other old washed up sports commenters who have zero concept of what analytics actually is.

    1. And we all hate him. Just another stupid n igga trying to look smart. I know! Talk ebonics! That’ll really make you look smart!

  2. I have been behind Hinkie 100%, but I am still suprised of the MCW trade. I understand that MCW’s is not a great shooter, but I think Hinkie is getting too obsessed with having every starter on the roster being a superstar. All NBA Champions have a mix of superstars and compliment players, as you can’t trot out 5 Alpha Superstars on the court because they will all want the ball.

    This plan is going to live and die with Embiid, as if he turns out to be a superstar then you will see everything turn around very quickly. By trading MCW for a pick we don’t known when and where we will be drafting, we delayed the process of starting the cycle.

    We could have had Embiid, Noel, MCW, and our top 5 lottery pick next year on the floor opening night. We also have Saric waiting in the wings in Europe in a year or two. PLUS, we have loads of cap space to lure a big time free agent when we are ready to make that move to an elite team. The problem is Hinkie keep delaying the process to even be a playoff team, as no superstar free agent will come here unless they see we are close.

    The Bulls won titles with Ron Harper, and The Lakers won titles with Derrick Fisher, as you just need a complimentary PG to win. Guys like Chris Paul, Deron Williams, DRose, and Russel Westbrook, all Stud PG’s have 0 rings.

    1. Saying MCW is not a great shooter is a massive understatement. He is one of the worst shooters in the league.

    2. Dave stop posting this same garbage. You keep talkin about the need for complimentary players, um no shit sherlock. The thing is, you can friggin sign these complimentary players or trade for them without giving up too much. The Sixers are trying to get those few stars and then will worry about the complimentary players when the nucleus is put together.

      You make very little, if any, sense at all.

      1. I would love to know how many Sixers games you have even watched this year? I guarantee you are one of those guys who loves what Hinkie’s doing but won’t start watching them until they are good.

        I agreed with Hinkie’s plan until reboot part #3 last week. I say that because everyone brings up OKC, but they have been to 1 NBA Finals, and haven’t won a Championship.

        If you look at all of the NBA Champions in the past 10 years, they all had that 1 superstar and then surrounded them through trades or free agency with other superstars and complimentary players. Celtics had Pierce and went out and got Garnett & Allen, Heat had DWade and went out and got Lebron and Bosh. Mavs had Nowitzki and went out and got Kidd and Tyson Chandler. Lakers had Kobe and went out and got Gasol.

        This whole ‘waiting’ year after year in hopes of a superstar in the draft is a big if. And my point with MCW is you traded a known quantity that could have been a nice complimentary player with Embiid and Noel for a draft that could be #6, could be #9, could be #12, etc? The building blocks were starting and I loved what Hinkie did the last 2 years as we had another lottery pick this year. Time to start building something.

        1. “This whole ‘waiting’ year after year in hopes of a superstar in the draft is a big if. ”

          Yes it is. That’s why they are called superstars. If you get one you have a chance, if you don’t, you don’t. That’s why whether you have MCW now really means nothing. Unless and until you get a transformative player, you are going nowhere.

          Having to wait, bunches up your shorts, I know. Get used to it. You are going to have to wait until you get a superstar, like it or not.

          1. So then you should get rid of Nerlens Noel because he is not going to be a superstar either? Even when they drafted Noel and MCW, we knew they wouldn’t be superstars, so what has changed? Embiid has the only potential to be a superstar, and that is why next year will be so interesting because if he is the real deal, then the growth of this team will come quicker then any of us think.

  3. Any update on the progress of Joel Embiid?It’s been more than 8 months since he’s had his foot surgery and yet we keep hearing that he can’t put weight on his foot which is ridiculous considering that videos of Embiid playing against Nerlens Noel and shooting endless jumpers exist.

    1. And I forgot; at least he’s not Larry-King-style… Blah,blah,blah…blah…blah…blah…, or that silly bitch from Sex and the City…???. (Yes, I know I shouldn’t have been watching it)

  4. Which of these statements contradicts another?

    Embiid is a 7-footer with freakish athleticism. He is a once-a-decade talent.

    Embiid also spent his formative years playing volleyball. His practical experience includes two full seasons of high school basketball and 4 months as a part-time player at Kansas. He will need half-a-decade to realize his potential.

    Embiid has shown competence at nothing except gaining weight and cleverly tweeting.

    None of them.

    You can be a once-in-a-generation talent who still isn’t ready to realize his potential in the NBA. And he hasn’t accomplished anything in the NBA.

  5. #1 Marcus Hayes is a very good columnist

    #2 CrossingBroad is a Sh*tty blog that pretends to be edgy but never has the guts to fully go all the way..

    #3 As I wrote yesterday, you people have got to Stop looking at the Sixers and what they do in basketball terms.. The team is now being run like a distressed company because that is what Venture (vulture) capitalists like Josh Harris do!!!

    He made his billions the same way Mitt Romney did back with Bain Capital– the company goes in and buys economically distressed businesses at pennies on the dollar. Then they sift through the books and find all assets that have some kind of value and sell them off to other entities. The rest of the company– the parts losing money go to bankruptcy court where that business i.e. Linens n’ Things and KB Toys is shut down and Harris’ company gets first-dibs on whatever is left before other investors do..

    In other words, the goal is not to permanently own any company that is purchased but to squeeze dry every drop of liquidity then toss away the rest.

    It is also important to remember that last year the Sixers in spite of being terrible made a Profit of around $30million when counting national TV rights, merchandising and other revenue sharing, local ad dollars, idiots still going to the games, etc.. Josh Harris will make another $30mil or so profit this year while spending the very bottom spending cap minimum and probably another $30mil next year..

    The point is none of these basketball decisions are about basketball!!!!

    Every decision.. Every trade is for the distant future when ultimately Harris will sell the team or try to relocate it and the stockpile of draft picks will be used as enticements to keep silly fans interested. Because that’s what Harris does..

    Stop going to games!! Stop buying merchandise!!

    And don’t expect the media to make a whiff.. Its called corporate synergy. Comcast shows the Sixers so it would fire any writer who dared to write what I have. also needs the Sixers because they advertise in their newspaper, sometimes full page ads.. That’s a lot of $$

    Notice even this piece of garbage blogsite does not have the Guts to suggest you not give this organization your money until a real product is on the court

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