Nate Allen’s Ordeal Sounds Pretty Horrific

Poor Nate is gonna have the worst SEO terms attached to his name– even worse than “torched,” “beat” and “touchdown.”

Les Bowen reporting:

Allen said as he began his drive home, he called a friend and former high school football teammate. They chatted for quite a while, and when the police cruiser pulled Allen over, he said he figured he was being flagged for talking on his phone, or maybe for not wearing his seatbelt.

Allen said the officer asked if he had ever been arrested. “I said, ‘What? No.’ Then he said, ‘are you sure?’ And then he said something about a girl saying I’d made a pass at her. I said ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ ”

Allen said eventually, a woman sitting in the back of another police cruiser ID’d him and he was taken into custody, still without knowing what he was alleged to have done.

“I had no idea,” he said. “I sat in a holding cell for 4 1/2 hours. I seriously thought I was being punked, at first.”

He wasn’t. He was being accused of “masturbating while making faces” (as if there’s any other way) at the woman or women from inside his truck.

So now the next question: Was the whole thing made up by the accuser(s) or is there a serial, Red Lobster-scoutin’, masturbatin’ man on the loose. This is Florida… so I’m gonna go with the latter.


13 Responses

  1. Read on the girl changed up her story several times and that’s why he was releassd.sounds like some girl wanted to make some loot.

  2. masturbating while making faces…this is what i do everyday on the radio. philly sports fans are such morons. they made me a millionaire for doing a lame morning show. i made rhea and al rich & famous too.

    1. Hey Angelo, when you retire will Al and Rhea still have jobs or will Rhea be taking over for Sue Schilling?

  3. I guess in Philadelphia Nate Allen is guilty until proven innocent.

      1. so because the same joke about a safety was made, it was obviously stolen from deadspin?
        i mean, there’s no way 2 people could think of the same joke. never.

        also, where’s the deadspin article?
        tried to find it so i could see where i am stealing jokes from and couldn’t find it.

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