Your Monday Morning Roundup

Hey look, kids, there's big Chevy
Hey look, kids, there’s big Chevy via (@CorkGaines)

I’d give SNL at 40 a solid B-. It could’ve been really, historically bad. But while there were a ton of hiccups and much confusion in the completely transformed studio, some sketches and bits absolutely knocked it out of the park. Celebrity Jeopardy was historically good. All the attention will go to Sean Connery and Alex Trebek, but Jim Carrey’s Matthew McConaughey continues to be one of the best impressions around, and Alec Baldwin’s Tony Bennett is fantastic. I completely lost it at Let It Snow. Wayne’s World, too, was perfectly done, and the Kanye part was genuinely awesome. Of course, the whole thing was a bit too masturbatory and felt a little insidery, even for someone who’s been a fan of the show for 20+ years. And update your death pools accordingly for Chevy Chase.

Let’s hit it!


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The roundup:

Jim Carrey asking Matt Lauer about Brian Williams tripped up Lauer’s personality algorithm.

A Grey’s Anatomy star(?) suffered a knee injury during the Celebrity All-Star Game. Paging too-pale Dr. Grey– your assistance is needed on the court.

The Daily News is apparently putting all of its eggs… into Marcus Hayes’ basket– I predict they’re going to fail:

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via (@JDVet22)

Beginning-to-get-overexposed-Philadelphians Mo’ne Davis and Kevin Hart went head-to-head in the Celebrity All-Star Game. Mo’ne… is better at basketball than she is at baseball. Hart yells a lot.

The Flyers beat the terrible Sabres to pull within five points of a playoff spot. Excitement.

Apple is reportedly working on a self-driving electric car. Can I pay for that with Apple Pay?

The FAA has proposed new drone regulations.

It’s gonna snow tomorrow. Probably. For real this time. Maybe. Eh, 50-50 shot. No for real. Nah. We’ll see.

Four teams have reportedly made Cole Hamels offers. Four teams will likely be turned away by an overzealous Ruben Amaro, who was probably the kid in sixth grade who couldn’t unload the hot new Pog slammer because he’s a selfish dope.

Larry Bowa says the Phillies can’t miss trading Hamels. I love having Bowa as a coach– he’s like your inappropriate uncle who says whatever he wants, wherever and whenever.

“You guys really don’t know shit,” this player said about the media.

Trying to hide this link from fashion editor Dan.

Kyle Lowry is one of my all-time favorite athletes ever. Good for him for making the All-Star Game, in which he dunked.

White people dancing at sporting events.

I went to CSN looking for a link. Is this the saddest collection of Philly sports headlines ever?

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20 Responses

  1. Writes article and blasts the collection of sad Philly Sports Headlines on CSN.

    Of the last 4 headlines on his site, 2 are about his podcasts where he recaps a TV show, 1 is about a former weatherman not being allowed to call into sports radio, and 1 is actually about Philly Sports but has an obvious typo in the title that is going ignored.

    Kyle Scott… king of Philly Sports information.

  2. I usually don’t say things like this son, but…

    Please, for love of humanity in and around Philadelphia. Fire Jim.

  3. Calling Amaro “overzealous” because he won’t trade Hamels for a bag of balls is the incorrect usage of this adjective. Overzealous describes someone who gets too excited about something. I fail to understand how this accurately describes Amaro not trading Hamels to the Red Sox.

    “Ruben Amaro, who was probably the kid in sixth grade who couldn’t unload the hot new Pog slammer because he’s a selfish dope.”
    Amaro is selfish because he doesn’t want older, MLB bench players from the Red Sox for Hamels? Your definition of selfish must be different than Webster’s Dictionary.

    Kyle, are you drunk or stoned this morning? You must be to write this drivel. Jesus H.

  4. Marcus is an idiot. I am so sorry.

    Urbanis…or whatever… a c?nt.

    Mo’ne Davis and Kevin Hart are just now becoming over exposed?? She is a nothing and he is an unfunny nothing.

    Bad Roundup today.

  5. I have the day off today. Didn’t expect a new post here of all places. Can you release a schedule of CB Sports LLC 3-day weekends so I don’t get surprised like this again. I may have to take off tomorrow now as well.

  6. Extremely disappointed in the White people dance comment. Very offensive to us white guys! Really? Have you ever seen us at weddings? Especially the Italians!

    1. Italians are somewhat white. Not really though. Not the ones who had to leave Italy in droves anyway.

    1. Yeah, it was the New York Times in a previous lifetime.

      Bro, this website is the internet equivalent of the Weekly World News – as in, if I were a professional writer, I’d leave it off my resume.

  7. Celebrity Jeopardy had me peeing my pants. Those impressions were spot on but “Tony Bennett” was priceless. Also Sean Connery – I will take “Le Tits Now”, LOL. Watching those old clips though made me realize how mediocre the show is now.

  8. Don’t you dare say anything bad about Kevin Hart. We love having him on our show and laughing hysterically at EVERYTHING he says, regardless of how unfunny it is.

  9. Chevy Chase look’s like Fucking Ben Franklin.Kevin Hart make’s Mike Epps look like Richard Prior.

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