We’re getting closer and closer to the beginning of the baseball season, so teams are starting to officially name their Opening Day starters. New guy Max Scherzer will take the mound for the Nationals. Kyle Kendrick is starting for the Rockies. Cole Hamels will start for the Phillies (because there are no other options). And in Mets-land, where happiness is rare and hilarity is abundant, the nearly 42-year-old Bartolo Colon will begin the season. The tabloids, as you see above, had a field day with this, but somehow there are no fat jokes. So we’ll make one: Mound to Take the Mound. You guys can probably do better.